POT TERMITES – CORRECTION

Several of Wilson's friends have pointed out that the name of the product on the poster is incorrect, saying 'Park Ants' when it should say 'Park Termites'!

 

He is very grateful to have had the chance to correct this before falling foul of the Trades Description Act, and now having been up all night printing new posters he's taken an armful round to Everything Ant in the village to replace the faulty ones he took round yesterday.

 

By way of apology for getting the first posters wrong, he (well, Byron actually) also took a pavement advertising display consisting of a huge model of a Pot Termites pot, which Nërp kindly constructed for them.

 

It's a lot heavier than it looks, but Byron had to carry it on his own because Wilson's arms were full of a few posters…

 

 

THE FUTURE OF SNACKING – NOW!

Wilson has now worked yesterday's photo of him with a tub of Pot Termites into a poster.

 

I'm not certain such a poster would persuade me to buy a pack of Instant Park Termites, but to be fair I'm probably not the target audience.

 

Wilson assures me that 'Novelty is King' in the pre-packed snack game, and the colour scheme has been 'Specifically fine-tuned to appeal to anteaters and other insectivores.'

 

I assume this just means that Wilson likes the colours and Byron didn't raise any objection…

 

Anyway, Wilson has made this poster available to all his friends to print out and stick up where they work, preferably near the tea or coffee-making facilities, so it gives everyone the munchies…

 

 

NEW SNACK SENSATION

So Wilson's groundbreaking invention was not, after all, a new face mask for animals – it is instead what he rather grandly calls The future of snacking!

 

It's a sort of Termite-flavour Pot Noodle, but without the noodles – you can either microwave it or add boiling water and in sixty seconds you have an allegedly delicious bowl of Hot Termites. 

 

It sounds absolutely vile, but he's shown it to Byron and got a very positive reaction.

 

Now it remains only to see what his friend and business partner Arnold* makes of it…

 

Claws crossed!

—

*Visit Arnold here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CCjOIfNBC74/

or search for the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS

Wilson has yet to hear from the Royal Academy of Arts and has grown tired of waiting for them to call – he's left Byron in the Library to deal with them if they do eventually make contact, while he is in his study working on his new invention.

 

It's a bit too early to tell what it is, but I'm guessing it might be a new model of his Snoot Face Mask for Animals – perhaps with a replaceable filter in the end? 

 

He and Antony are deeply engrossed in the finer details of its design, and TT is… well, he's sleeping. As usual.

 

Whatever this 'amazing wonder product that will make us all rich and famous' turns out to be, I'm sure I'll find out soon enough – and when I know, you'll know!

 

Since yesterday I've done a bit of research on Gilbert and George, and I'm wondering just how appropriate they are as role models for a pair of young anteaters – for a start, a lot of their artwork seems to involve poo, and the police have been called to investigate their Scapegoating Pictures show at a gallery in Belfast! 

 

 

NOW WE WAIT...

Byron and Wilson are now relaxing in the library waiting expectantly for an approach from the Royal Academy, inviting them ('begging' was Wilson's choice of phrase) to become members of the RA to replace Gilbert and George.

While they wait they are both sipping cocktails so that, should their invitation arrive via FaceTime or Zoom they will both look suitably sophisticated… and drunk in the daytime 🤔

While being a Living Artwork yesterday (which he said was actually a bit boring) Wilson had a chance to do some thinking and has invented a new product.

He can't wait to tell his friend Arnold* about it, and hopes it might cheer him up a bit following his recent injury.

_________

*Visit Arnold here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CCjOIfNBC74/

or search for the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

LIVING ARTWORKS

Both boys are in the garden balancing on plinths, carrying placards, while rotating very slowly.

 

As they turn, a tape recorder plays the theme song from 80s nostalgic British comedy series Hi-de-hi!:

Well, if you're feelin' lonely, and gettin' in a stew

Just bend your ear, come over here

And man here's what you do

If you got the blues, I got some news

Join in the fun in your blue suede shoes

Do the holiday rock

Do the holiday rock

Hi-de-hi-de-hi

Ho-de-ho-de-ho

Go, Go, Go do the holiday rock

over and over again.

 

It must be said that Wilson is finding the simultaneous turning and placard-carrying quite difficult and sometimes wobbles alarmingly… but perhaps that's part of the performance.

 

I'm also a little worried that after half-an-hour of spinning, albeit very slowly, they might both be getting a bit dizzy and risk falling off their podia!

 

 

GILBERT AND GEORGE QUIT RA

Byron has just come into breakfast in a state of high excitement.

 

Brandishing his iPad at Wilson, he explained that he'd just read artists Gilbert and George have had a falling-out with the Royal Academy and quit.

 

'That leaves the door wide open for us, Bro!' he told Wilson, who carried on chewing his cereal with ants ruminatively.

 

Byron persisted, 'Don't you see what a great opportunity this is for us to become the country's foremost Living Artworks?' 

 

Wilson slowly put down his spoon and asked, 'What exactly is a "Living Artwork"? Is it hard work, and how much does it pay?'

 

Byron gave his brother a brief resumé of the careers of Gilbert and George, stressing how much their work sold for.

 

Wilson listened quietly before objecting, 'But I'm right in the middle of an advertising campaign for Park Termites – would I have time to do both things?'

 

Byron then played his trump card, saying, 'The Prime Minister has just awarded a £140M grant for the arts…'

 

Wilson immediately jumped up from the table and left the room with Byron leaving Antony to finish his cereal for him – calling back to instruct him to share it with Pterry…

—————

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2020/jul/12/gilbert-and-george-quit-royal-academy-over-dashed-hopes-for-major-exhibition?utm_term=LTIwMDcxNw%3D%3D&utm_campaign=ArtWeekly&utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&CMP=artweekly_email