The Birds and the Bees...

Wilson has taken the betrothed bees, Polly and Billi, into the conservatory to give them a talk on the Facts Of Life. 

I don't know what he's telling them, but I can see that the bees are giggling and sometimes falling about with laughter, while Wilson is blushing almost constantly!

I can't wait to hear his feedback on how it went!

Wilson prepares to do the pre-wedding talk...

With the wedding now barely a week away, Wilson consulted his timetable and told me that it was time to give the bees "The Talk" and he was a bit nervous about it.

'The Talk? What Talk?' I asked, not taking his meaning.

'Yes, The Talk! THE Talk — You know, New Dad,' he rolled his eyes briefly, 'The Facts Of Married Life Talk!'

'Oh, the sex talk!' I replied.

'No, I was thinking more about budgeting, housekeeping, generating strong passwords, safe use of public Wi-Fi, things along those… hang on, SEX? What ABOUT sex?'

Ideal wedding gift

With the Easter weekend behind him, Wilson has returned to matters wedding-related. Right now he is searching for the ideal wedding present for the betrothed bees. and he's VERY taken with these fine-chine plates he's found — they're decorated with fruit being eaten by a swarm of ants!

I suggested that since the recipients are bees, they might prefer plates decorated with, say, wild flowers, but W dismissed this suggestion, saying that the ant plates would remind the bees of him.

I asked him whether he'd like one of the plates for himself, perhaps for his birthday, but he declined. 

'I'd always be licking the plate, New Dad — it would drive me mad. I'd never know if I'd finished my meal!'

The plates are available from: https://www.etsy.com/shop/LAPHILIE but Wilson says you must not buy them for the bees as they're his idea!

A triumphant tour is planned!

Is it just me, or do you agree that a triumphal open-top bus tour around Uckfield, with Wilson, Antony and his entire support crew waving from the top deck to celebrate his so-called 'Olympic Record' bobsleigh run, is a bit excessive?

I'm trying to dissuade him, but everyone else is right up for it — especially Antony, who says it would be 'Well wicked!'

I think the decider will be that Uckfield Bus Company doesn't have any open-top buses. 

Olympic Hero Returns!

As I said, Wilson's only injury was to his pride. Oh, and a bump on his nose. Nevertheless, he insisted on being stretchered home like a returning hero.

I hope that a jar of Giant Chocolate Ant Eggs will take the edge off his pain and disappointment...

An exciting finish, but not a record time!

There is no official length for an Olympic Bobsleigh Track, but the Sochi track was almost 2km long. Wilson's practice track is only about 20m so his time, although very fast, can not be officially ratified as a record, either World or Olympic… although he insists that this is a mere 'technicality' and his time of less than a minute should stand. 

The exact time is not known because in the excitement of the finish Polly-B dropped the stopwatch. By the time she found it more than five minutes had elapsed, but everyone agreed that the time of the run was probably less than 60 seconds.

However, it is most certainly a Personal Best for Wilson, and also for Antony who had never done it before!

The finish, it must be said, did not go precisely to plan, but only W's pride was hurt when he fell off the bob, although he did bang his nose quite painfully on a tree trunk.

Antony was thrown clear and was caught, entirely uninjured though quite shaken, and was pleased to be re-united with a very anxious Tiny Toy. 

Olympic record attempt

The first run is for the Two-Man Bobsleigh Olympic Record. Polly-B held the stopwatch while Billi-B counted down to the start: 'Three, two, one, GO!'

At the 'G' of the 'Go' Wilson and Antony were off down the track at a breathtaking speed, Polly and Billi cheering them on while Tiny Toy hid his face in his paws and whimpered pathetically on Billi's lap. 

Surely a new record must be within their grasp!