ET IN ARCADIA

I’ve just had the most extraordinary phone call from Wilson, asking whether I could lend him ‘a few thousand pounds’ as he’s come across a ‘unique business opportunity’.

He explained that he’d found a derelict Amusement Arcade – it wasn’t what he’d been looking for, but he says it’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance which is too good to pass up. Apparently it’s even got a few amusement machines left inside.

His plan is to buy the arcade, paint it up a bit then re-open it as a Family Business ‘for all of us’.

I can see only too clearly how this would pan out: I’d spend my entire life confined in the Change Kiosk while Wilson, Byron and all their friends played on the slots. For free.

Judging by the exterior, the most modern machine in there is probably Pac-Man… or possibly even Pong.

I’m afraid he’s going to have to miss this ‘unmissable’ opportunity after all…