BORIS-BOARD

Following his recent interview with Uckfield FM, Wilson has come to realise that – being altogether too honest, principled and trustworthy – he is not really cut out for a life in politics.

Moreover, he has confessed to me that fees accruing from Sloth Party membership are 'disappointing', so he has dissolved the Party (much in the manner of Change UK) and taken steps to de-register The Sloth Party with the Electoral Commission. 

Instead, he has reverted to his role of inventor/entrepreneur and designed: THE BORISBOARD®™

This is simply a darts board bearing a likeness of the eponymous leader looking smug and stupid. I say 'simply' but Wilson assures me that – like all Great Inventions – its beauty lies in its simplicity…

He predicts 'Brisk sales' of the BorisBoard®™ to disgruntled Labour Party and Liberal Democrat supporters.

Also paid-up ex-members of The Sloth Party, to whom he will offer a 'modest' discount.