A NEW ERA IN POLITICS

It's now almost the middle of January, and the days should be getting longer – but early this afternoon I noticed that it was suddenly getting very dark in the living room.

Going outside to investigate, I found Wilson steadying a ladder against the house while Byron balanced precariously at the top attempting to fix a banner to the wall.

I was about to ask W what was going on when I was accosted by Nërp asking me whether I would like to join The Sloth Party for the trifling sum of £5 (cash only).

Hearing me pass up this offer, Wilson came over to enquire whether I was completely and utterly certain I didn't want to join, as the price of membership was about to increase to £10.

When I asked what on earth the Sloth Party was – and why I now appear to be living in its International Headquarters – Wilson told me that it was his new Good Idea – AKA moneymaking venture.

'Now that the Labour Party has been wiped out,' he explained, 'The Sloth Party is the new Centre Left political group for people who don't like Boris Johnson.'

'Isn't that the Liberal Democratic Party?' I asked.

'Poof!' he replied with a Gallic shrug, 'The LibDems are sadly a spent force. Disillusioned Labour voters are crying out for a dynamic new Centre-Leftish Party – and that's us! I am all set to be as popular as Tony Blair once was…'