APOLOGY

Wilson has apologised for yesterday's menacing solicitors letter, saying that he was merely trying to raise funds to secure Pterry's future. 

'In any case, my application to trademark the word "and" has been turned down,' he confessed. 'I suppose now you'd like me to return your £3.00 "illegal useage" fees?'

I nodded.

'There's nothing like motherhood,' he continued, 'to make you realise your responsibilities!' conceding that 'possibly' he should have warned me in advance of the fees payable…

I suggested that it might be more ethical to simply install a Swear Jar, but he countered that I don't swear enough to make that a viable option, whereas I say 'and' all the time.

I don't swear enough? Really? I fear that might be about to change!