SOLICITORS LETTER

Today being World Honeybee Day (as opposed to World Bee Day and World Don't-Step-On-A-Bee Day earlier this month) we were just preparing a little party to welcome Newbie the New Bee to our little family, when the postman called with a Registered Delivery for me.

It was a letter from Messrs I Can't Believe It's A Solicitor plc on behalf of their client, W Vermilingua Esq.

The letter says that I am to be charged the sum of £2.00 for my four unlicensed uses of the word 'and' in yesterday's blog, and advising me that not only should I expect to be invoiced the sum of 50p for each future unlicensed use, I should in future always write the word as follows: 'and™'.

I looked at Wilson and said, 'You've registered the word "And" – and you're trying to charge me every time I use it? Really? That's an outrage!'

'I should probably have mentioned that to you,' he replied, 'But allow me to explain: 
     (1) I think you mean "and™", 
     (2) if you're going to flout the law, you should expect to pay the price, and™ finally 
     (3) I didn't want to mention this, but you owe me another £1 for your last sentence!'

Uncle Zoltan then appeared, as if on cue, read through my letter and™ pronounced it '200 per cent legal – you've no option but to pay up, Wilson's New Dad – or face Jail Time!'

Byron shuffled about looking awkward and™ embarrassed. 

I glared at Wilson, but Uncle Z continued, 'Of course I have some experience in these matters, and™ I would happily represent you in court for a… well, a trifling fee, but as my client I should probably advise you that in all likelihood you'll go down!'

Acknowledging my agitation, Wilson told me, 'Calm down, New Dad – why don't you take a couple of your Zyquako Tablets? You know how much better they make you feel!'