Wilson and Byron have finished their Rainbow Trail drawings and put them up in the front window to bring cheer to passers-by.
There was inevitably a little bit of rivalry over who had done the better picture, but they both realised that this was a community activity, and sibling rivalry was not really appropriate in the circumstances.
I think their drawings look very bright and cheerful – I hope any passing children like them and they will bring a little happiness to a worried world…
After several weeks in Social Isolation, AKA LockDown, Wilson is starting to get Cabin Fever.
So with reluctance, having extracted a solemn oath to stay at least 2m away from all humans, and with Nërp to keep a strict eye on them both, I've allowed him and Byron to venture into the front garden to install what W calls his 'Dosh-o-meter'.
It's one of those giant fund-raising thermometers that track how much money has been raised – usually for a Church Roof or something similar, but in this case for Wilson's Personal Fortune – which currently stands at exactly £0.00.
The loss of income caused by the temporary closure of the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery is weighing heavily on his mind, and he's determined to raise some cash… by almost any means.
You can apparently throw your loose change or unwanted paper money into the collecting bucket, or if you prefer Wilson is now accepting Contactless Payments up to the new limit of £45!
The boys are going a bit Stir Crazy, so in an effort to distract them I've suggested making a couple of Rainbow Trail drawings for the front windows.
This seems to be occupying much of the family – while Wilson and Byron are drawing and colouring, Nërp is on hand to give technical artistic advice, Antony is passing the crayons to whoever needs them and Tiny Toy is filling the vital and indispensable role of Paperweight!
HuffPost described the Rainbow Trail like this:
Whatever the weather, be sure to look out for a rainbow on your government-sanctioned walk, run or cycle today.
Families across the UK have been creating these gloriously technicolour artworks for their windows or driveways to lift the spirits of those passing by.
The trend appears to have been started by a group of mums in Bari, Italy, but Kezia Roberts, 42, from Horsforth, Leeds, was one of the first to bring this cheery idea to the UK which she has called ‘Chase the Rainbow’.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar is another book with which I am very familiar from when my children were young.
The main feature of the original book are the big holes in the pages supposedly eaten by the eponymous caterpillar; the characteristic trait of Wilson's reworking is sticky brownish smears on the pages, representing ants which the Hungry Anteater has (rather messily) eaten.
Wilson was proud to point out that the smudges have the characteristic smell of ants: formaldehyde.
I must check with him whether formaldehyde-infused books are actually safe for young readers to handle…
Wilson's been in the Dressing-Up Box again, recreating old master paintings...
After The Anteater With The Pearl Earring (which someone unkindly said made him look like his big sister Andrea) he confessed he fancied trying something a bit more macho: Frans Hals' The Laughing Anteater.
Hi, we are 🐝 Polly and 🐝 Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog!
After all the cold, wet weather we've been having lately we'd been looking forward to a nice day out with our family – perhaps a picnic in the garden among the dandelions – but Wilson has offered to briefly re-open his Art Gallery and give us a reduced-price group booking to have a quick look round, and we didn't like to refuse.
Generally speaking, we Bees don't know a lot about Art, but we do know what we like.
Also, what we DON'T like.
What we like is: nice paintings of flowers.
What we don't like is: Abstract, Conceptual, Installation, Minimalist, Surreal and 'Difficult' Art in general.
Oh and Dada – we don't like Dada-ist Art at all, so we're really not expecting to like anything in Wilson's Art Gallery.
Although as Bees, we are FAR too polite to say so – and it will be a day out for our children Johnson Major and Johnson Minor – so we're just going to keep our mandibles shut, bite our probosces and keep smiling if we see something we don't like, because that's The Bee Way!
So, we've been The Bees and we'll see you again next month!
Until then, BEEEEEEEEEEEE GOOD, Art Lovers.
Stay indoors and keep washing your Tarsi!
Wilson is getting bored and has raided the Dressing-Up Box...
Jīqìrén this morning presented Wilson with her Architect's Sketch for the renovation of his Asteroid Shelter.
It was very impressive, showing a beautifully furnished area many times larger than the current structure.
There's no doubt that Wilson was impressed, asking many probing questions about various details.
Finally, he asked the crucial question. 'Have you costed this?'
'I think you could bring it in for a couple of hundred K, if you didn't go overboard with the air recycling and wall art,' she replied.
Wilson was aghast! 'A couple of hundred K?' he demanded, 'What, two hundred thousand English pounds?'
'Pounds sterling, obviously. Plus VAT,' the android replied, adding, 'It would sound a lot more in Yen!'
Wilson shuffled his feet awkwardly and cleared his throat a few times before finally asking, 'Do you think we could do anything for about, um… well, £25?
Jīqìrén silently closed her sketchbook and walked away, while Wilson poured himself his first Quarantini of the day…
Having briefly distanced himself from the problem of what to plagiarise next, Wilson's subconscious brain has up with an answer: The Anteater Who Came To Tea.
Although of course, a cute anteater turning up on one's doorstep might not cause quite the same alarm and panic as a hungry carnivore demanding food, it might nevertheless be a little… disconcerting.
I've read the original of this book a thousand times to my own children, and I enjoyed the very sympathetic animated adaptation over Xmas, so I was a little concerned about what Wilson would do with it – but actually he's done a really Bang-On job!
Sophie, her Father (still preoccupied with his beer), the night-time trip to the café, Sophie visiting the shops with her Mum to buy a big tin of Anteater Food in case the anteater ever returns – all have been handled very sympathetically.
_____
Here is an interesting article about the author of the ORIGINAL book, The TIGER Who Came To Tea:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-25027090
A few minutes before eight o'clock yesterday evening we all trooped out onto the front porch to "Clap for Carers" – a show of support for the NHS, its Staff, and all health workers and caregivers.
We were joined by several neighbours at their own front doors and we all clapped, cheered and whooped until our hands hurt from clapping – when we could hear distant applause and cheering coming from all around the estate and the village.
Diesel the Goldfish blew copious bubbles, and even curmudgeonly Uncle Zoltan cheered and threw his top hat into the air…
After a few minutes, we returned inside and reflected on what had just happened.
It had been a strangely moving and bonding experience and Wilson, wiping a tear from his eye, confessed to feeling 'Totes Emosh…' – a feeling echoed by several of the others.
WE ❤️❤️❤️ our NHS!
Wilson is having trouble thinking of Classic Children's Books which he can easily update – I suppose he's suffering from Plagiarist's Block.
To give his subconscious mind a chance to solve this complex conundrum, this morning he took Nërp's niece Jīqìrén for a tour of his Asteroid Shelter, thinking she would be amazed by his awesome structure.
She was not.
Actually she said that she'd 'Rather be hit by an asteroid than spend any time in this bleak and cheerless cave!'
Wilson was a bit taken aback by this, but before he could protest she continued, 'You are SUCH a boy!' which W at first thought was a compliment – but it wasn't.
'You haven't even got any matching cushion covers. Typical! An armchair and a tv and you're satisfied.'
Wilson tried to explain that a lack of matching cushion covers was secondary to saving your life, but Jīqìrén took a different view of the austere accommodation, announcing that she would design a complete decorative and architectural overhaul of the structure for his approval.
Whoever would have guessed that a young Taiwanese Robot would have such a highly developed sense of aesthetics and interior design?
So unlike her Uncle Nërp!
I think Wilson's robot Nërp is happy here.
Ever since he came to live with us we've made him welcome, treated him as an equal and given him anything he could want.
We don't ask him to do many chores (there's no point, really, as he doesn't do them anyway) and he's even got his niece Jīqìrén living with him for company.
I'm asking these questions because I've just watched the first episode of WestWorld Series 3 and while I loved it – very exciting and intriguing – it has made me think.
As a result, I have reached a decision:
Although for obvious reasons Nërp is really interested in programmes about robots, he must NEVER watch WestWorld series 3…
Now that Wilson's Art Gallery has been forced into temporary closure, the whole household is in a state of Self Isolation.
In an effort to avoid Cabin Fever Wilson is busy thinking, trying to come up with a new money-making idea to tide him over financially until the gallery re-opens.
So far this is what he's come up with: 'updating' children's classic books.
This puts me strongly in mind of one of his previous literary projects where he simply changed the names of a few characters and re-issued classic novels under new titles…
I'm tempted to ask:
if these books are Timeless Classics, why do they need to be updated?
But I think I already know the answer: it's so that Wilson can make some money without having to do too much work…
The first of these Classics to undergo the Wilson Treatment is The Cat In The Hat.
I've never much cared for Doctor Seuss, but I'll tell you this: he'd better keep his paws off my personal favourite classic: Winnie-the-Pooh!
Ant Wars 2: SKOLSTREJK FÖR KLIMATET
For the duration of the Covid-19 emergency, SchoolStrike has moved on-line!
In view of the Government's recent prohibition on Large Gatherings, and in line with all other major public museums and galleries, Wilson feels he has no alternative but to temporarily close the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery.
I think he's being unnecessarily cautious, as even on its opening day there were very few visitors – just a couple of curious neighbours and a boy delivering leaflets who really only wanted shelter from the rain…
The Gallery will doubtless re-open the moment the Large Gatherings Ban is lifted, as Wilson is desperate to recoup his outlay on the conversion of the Museum into an Art Gallery.
As it happens, I fall into three of the High Risk Categories being instructed to self-isolate, so I'm extremely fortunate in having access to Wilson's personal robot Nërp who, as a non-biological being, is impervious to viruses.
He complains incessantly when asked to actually do anything, but I'm sure he'll come up trumps if Wilson asks him to run any errands and so on…
Over breakfast Wilson scanned the local paper anxiously in search of any mention of the opening of his Art Gallery – he didn't have far to look as it was the Front Page Story.
Unfortunately, Byron had innocently made an unguarded comment which the reporter (or Mendacious Hack, as Wilson pejoratively referred to him) had seized upon to portray the Gallery's employment policy in a negative light – less Family Business, more Den of Nepotism…
Once he'd read the article he remarked that the Uckfield Observer had always had it in for him, ever since the time they accused him of sheep rustling.
'They'll take any Good News story, and twist it until it shows me in a bad light!' he complained, adding, 'On the plus side, though, at least they have spelled my name right for once.'
Once the Gallery doors had opened, Nërp was despatched to the newsagent's in the village to buy a copy of the Uckfield Examiner, as Wilson was very keen to see if the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery would get a mention in the paper.
Nërp rushed back in a state of great excitement, brandishing the newspaper in the air and shouting that the story was actually on the front page!
Unfortunately, Wilson was by this time too exhausted and 'emotionally drained' by the opening to even glance at it, and it was not until the next day that he had a chance to read and digest the article…
Everyone is making last-minute preparations as at last Wilson and Byron's Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery opens its doors.
Well, door.
As soon as Byron has finished erecting the signage he'll be going out to the Gallery to give all the display cases a final polish.
Uncle Zoltan is in the gift shop checking his Fisher-Price Cash Register to make sure he doesn't have any 'float' – thus ensuring that he never has to give any change!
Wilson isn't contributing much to the proceedings, being fully occupied with pacing up and down nervously and wondering whether to accept only contactless payment to minimise his chances of infection with the Covid-19 Virus…
He has secretly admitted to me that, what with the Coronavirus Pandemic, this is a less than optimal time to be opening a crowded indoor attraction.
I don't think he needs to worry unduly about that, as I shall be surprised if anyone turns up – and if they do, he's got a good supply of Souvenir Antiseptic Hand Gel available in the Gift Shop…
I haven't mentioned to him that today is also Friday 13th!
