I've still not heard from Wilson, so I'm assuming that everything's okay.
Here, though, is an update on his Strawberry Farm.
I've been watering his plants every day, Dave the Pig has been guarding them every night and the weather has been lovely – and here are the early fruits of our labours...
I suspect that these may not actually be the first strawberries – it's more than likely that the earliest crop was used by W for 'taste-testing'!
Dave and I have had one each (not a word to Wilson!) and I can confirm that they are delicious.
10/10 for flavour and succulence, 8/10 for size. 🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓
The trains from Uckfield don't connect with Portsmouth, so I've driven Wilson to London Road Station, just outside Brighton, from where he will catch a train into Brighton and hence to Portsmouth.
From there he will board the Isle of Wight Ferry.
I don't know whether the zoo where Dennis lives has Wi-Fi — if not I guess I shan't hear from Wilson until he phones to be collected from the station on his return.
He'll only be away for a few days, but I know from experience how very quiet and empty the house feels without him... 😕
Wilson is busy packing everything he can think of in preparation for his holiday with Dennis on the Isle of Wight.
He'll only be away for a few days – I can't believe he'll have time to use half the stuff he plans on taking with him...
This morning Wilson received a letter from Dennis – the Giant Anteater who lives on the Isle of Wight – inviting him over to stay for a few days.
Wilson has just RSVP'd to Dennis, saying that he'd be delighted to visit with him, and enquiring whether he should bring any Formal Attire* with him, as he knows Dennis likes to change for Dinner.
Dennis is not only pretty posh, he's also a Role Model for Wilson – when he comes back we'll probably have to start using butter knives and jam spoons. Doilies and antimacassars. Keep our elbows off the dining table...
W was mortified at having to send his reply in a brown envelope, but I assured him that if Dennis was any sort of friend, he would understand.
When he took his letter to the post box round the corner, he was very surprised by the poster he saw taped to its side...
* His black bow-tie
This morning Wilson was determined to do his duty as a British Citizen and cast his vote in the General Election.
In spite of his being well under 18 – and an anteater – he told me he was even willing to forego his liberty in the pursuit of exercising his Democratic Right to Vote.
'If I don't cast my vote,' he told me earnestly, 'we might get stuck with some mendacious dummy like President Trump!'
'If they lock me up,' he continued, 'they lock me up – it is what it is! I shall go forward in the spirit of the famous Ms Emily Pankhurst!'
Accordingly he accompanied me to the Voting Station, clutching his home-made Voting Card in his paw, ready to argue his case with anyone who tried to prevent him exercising his suffrage.
As we arrived, he proclaimed loudly to a surprised group of voters in the car park, 'I am here, not because I am a law-breaker; I am here in my effort to become a law-maker!'
However, once he saw the policeman outside the entrance to the Polling Station, his bravado deserted him.
I can sympathise with him – I feel just the same if a police car is following me, even though I'm doing well under the speed limit! 😕
_____________
You've got until 10pm to cast your vote! But don't leave it too late – there might be a queue!
Wilson noticed that the bench at the top of Mallard Drive has been transformed from what previously resembled a building site into what now looks like a lovely area to sit and relax.
Now he has told everyone that he's organising a 'Picnic At Chestnut Ridge' which is what the area is apparently called.
Everybody was very excited, and they all set off together – apart from the immobile sTone Brothers, who I agreed to take round later in the car.
When I dropped them off, I found Wilson almost engulfed in flames as he tried to brew a pot of Ant Coffee.
He said it was a temporary inconvenience and everything was under control.
I hope he's right, because once the coffee is done he intends to cook his signature dish, Ant Lasagna. I've never seen a lasagna cooked on a paraffin stove before, and I fear it may be beyond his abilities.
I wished everyone good luck, and told Wilson I would pop home and bring him a fire extinguisher, just in case.
I sensed that Antony was uneasy about the picnic. I asked him what was the matter, and he whispered, 'I can't help comparing this to the classic movie Picnic At Hanging Rock – I'm just waiting for the other children to disappear...'
Last night we all stayed up well past Wilson's bedtime to watch Ariana Grande's wonderful One Love Manchester concert on tv.
This morning I heard that over £2,000,000 – $2.6M or €2.3M – had been raised by the concert to help the bereaved and injured from the Manchester bombing.
Billi got a bit overexcited at the end when Liam Gallagher appeared, although she was disappointed that his brother Noel hadn't turned up too. As she said, 'If Mr Robbie can sing alongside TakeThat, I think that's the least Mr Noel could have done...'
If you like, you can still contribute to the We Love Manchester Emergency Fund by clicking:
https://beta.redcross.org.uk/appeal/manchester-emergency-fund
Following last year's Pick-Your-Own Tomato Farm debacle, Wilson has decided to start small with this year's new venture: PICK-YOUR-OWN STRAWBERRIES.
Consequently he has planted only two baskets of strawberry plants so he can calculate Yield per Hectare ratios, EU Subsidy Rates etc and decide how much of the garden to set aside for strawberry cultivation.
I hope he leaves a tiny corner for me to sit in the shade and read...
Polly and Billi The Bees have been entrusted with the responsibility of Pollinating the strawberry flowers, while Dave The Pig has been assigned to Guard Duty, commencing as soon as the fruit starts to ripen.
Dave is extremely proud to have been entrusted with what he calls 'this vital task'!
Wilson is re-thinking his plan to stand for Parliament on the grounds that it looks like entirely too much work.
Also he'd have to travel up to the House of Commons occasionally (in order to claim his expenses) and the Southern-operated trains from Uckfield are, as he rightly says, 'Utter, total rubbish!'
In any case, Entrepreneurship is in his blood, and he still thinks his future lies in Musical Theatre.
Accordingly, he has taken Antony and Tiny Toy into Uckfield to show them something at the bus station.
He says it's to remind them what they're all working towards, and to stop them getting sidetracked by distractions such as football.
He says that they must both keep their eyes firmly focussed on the prize: a stunning production of Antsy Malone – The Musical.
Wilson, having been very busy with one thing and another (mostly writing Antsy Malone; The Musical) has only just noticed that a General Election is imminent!
I went for a stroll this morning and came across Wilson, accompanied by The Bees, in front of Bridge Cottage in the Town Centre. Wilson was standing on a box, apparently addressing an invisible audience.
Wandering up to him, I enquired, 'What's up, Matey?'
'I am on the Hustings – whatever they may be,' he replied, 'Electioneering!'
'What, you're standing for election?' I asked, incredulously – 'What's your platform?'
'Well, I'm using this box as a platform at the moment, but once Party Donations start to roll in I hope to get a proper Podium!'
Billi, the only politically-aware person here, whispered to him, 'He means what's in your manifesto!'
'Oh,' he announced, confidently, 'My Manifesto is embargoed until after I've written it. But I can tell you that it will be Good! Very Good! It will be Strong and Stable, unlike this platform, and it will be For The Many, Not The Few! It will Change Britain's Future – for anteaters, anyway.'
If he were to stand, I imagine his Manifesto would be not dissimilar to Screaming Lord Sutch's Monster Raving Loony Party's.
But more ant-centric.
Hello, we're Polly and Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog.
Wilson is in the house listening to his New Dad tell him about 1967, the Summer of Love, with Sgt Pepper playing on repeat in the background. They're both wearing Kaftans, and bells round their necks, which is a bit unnerving!
However, since this is the first day of Meteorological Summer, we are in our little flower garden with our children, planting bee-friendly flowers and herbs. It's great fun – perhaps you should try it!
We've just heard The Beatles' song She's Leaving Home which sadly reminds us of poor Uncle Zoltan, who disappeared earlier this year. If you see him or have any information about him, please telephone us at Wilson's New Dad's House.
Also, it's probably safest if you don't approach him...
Anyway, we've been The Bees, and we'll see you all next month – until then, BEEEEEEE GOOD!
🐝🐝🐞🐞
By the narrowest of margins, late last night Wilson finally finished his Commemorative June 2017 calendar page.
It celebrates the 50th Anniversary tomorrow of the publication of The Beatles' Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band on 1 June 1967.
Honestly, while it doesn't mean a lot to W or his family, I can still remember exactly where I was when I first listened to this iconoclastic album. The Beatles' popularity was at a very low ebb — then Sgt Pepper made them immortal...
________
Tomorrow it is The Bees' turn to blog — they say you mustn't miss it!
Wilson is indoors, frantically working to get the June page of his Free Calendar ready in time for June 1st – he says it's vital that it should be ready on schedule, as the 'Massive Event' it celebrates falls actually on the 1st.
Polly and Billi, meanwhile, are enjoying the sun in the garden, teaching their children how to collect nectar and pollinate flowers.
Neither bee has been unable to shift the few grams they put on over Xmas, so they're using a tiny step ladder to access the flowers and demonstrate their pollinating and nectar-gathering skills; sadly, they can no longer leave the ground under wing-power alone.
This effort may be all in vain, however, as both their adopted children are in fact Ladybirds, so i fear the 'Bee Instinct' just won't be in their genes...
Over his cornflakes this morning, Wilson was very surprised by the message on the side of his milk carton.
While speculating how much it cost to put 'Missing Person' messages on milk cartons, he reflected that it might have been a mistake to lend The Bees my VISA card.
This is the first I've heard about that...
Later on, W will be researching Splurge Removal Products to sell in the Souvenir and Merchandise Concession at Antsy Malone — The Musical.
He says, 'We'll clean up. CLEAN UP! Hahaha – did you see what I did there, New Dad?'
Since it is a lovely sunny day, and apart from me none of his family had participated in his birthday trip, Wilson erected his new tent in the garden and organised a Birthday Picnic for everyone.
Well, I say 'organised' but that consisted mainly of him sitting in his garden lounger telling people what to do.
The Bees made a lot of sandwiches and rolls with honey, but I think everyone was aware that if Uncle Zoltan had been present there would have been an iced birthday cake with candles...
W says that tomorrow he'll get down to producing the June instalment of his Free 2017 Calendar. He told me that he's planning something 'a bit special' because apparently a VERY notable anniversary falls in June.
Something ant-related, I assume...
Once Wilson had confessed that he was replete, if not actually stuffed full, I paid the bill and we made our way back to the car.
Perhaps it was the excitement of his birthday, perhaps it was the busy day, perhaps it was the bottle of Chianti he consumed over dinner – whatever it was, he slept soundly for the whole journey back to Uckfield.
When we arrived I lifted him out of the car, still snoring gently, and popped him into his tumble dryer without waking him.
I just hope he hasn't got a hangover tomorrow...
Just before we finished our mains, an SMS arrived on Wilson's phone.
I don't approve of him using his phone at mealtimes, but I made an exception as it was his birthday.
It was a photo from The Bees, showing them with their children Johnson and Johnson, at the Brighton and Hove Albion Victory Parade in Brighton.
Wilson showed me the photo, raised his eyebrows and remarked dryly, 'Footballing Bees, eh? What will they think of next?!' before returning to his food.
In spite of having eaten at IKEA not long before, when we arrived at Zizzi's for Wilson's birthday dinner he declared that he was 'well starving' and could 'eat a horse' if he weren't a vegetarian.
'I'm a growing boy, New Dad!' he reminded me.
He ordered several Starters and a couple of Mains from the menu, plus a bottle of chianti – and from past experience I didn't doubt that he would polish them off with relish.
Once he had finished, he rounded off the meal with two desserts and several coffees, before finally announcing that he was 'Well full!'
Once Wilson had eaten his fill in the Restaurant, we returned to the Children's Furniture Zone en route to the Marketplace, and thence the car park.
However, W's eye was caught by yet another 'must have' item – an igloo tent.
'Just think of all the fun we could all have in a tent like this, New Dad – we could play in it in the garden, it would stop me getting sunburnt... we could even sleep out in it!'
I reminded him that he is scared of the dark, and as soon as night fell he'd be knocking on the door to come back in; he countered by saying that I'd be sleeping out in the tent with him too. Obviously.
Honestly, that little tent seems a bit minuscule to accommodate Wilson, his entire family of toys AND me, but I could see that it would have good play value and agreed to buy one for his birthday.
I used to spend a lot of time playing in a little tent in the garden when I was W's age...
We've left the Children's Furniture Zone, and now we're in the restaurant.
Wilson eschewed the famous IKEA Meatballs in favour of many vegetarian alternatives.
He's just had an SMS from Polly reminding him that it is now three months since Uncle Zoltan disappeared...
He received this news stoically, saying, 'This slightly alcoholic IKEA Pear Juice is totes delicious – I think we should stock up on it before we leave!'
I hope he doesn't fill himself up too much, because we're going to one of his favourite restaurants once we've finished here...
