04/12/2020

GINGERBREAD TREE DECORATION

Yesterday the Bees showed you how to make some delicious Gingerbread Anteaters – today I will show you how to convert them into delicious Xmas Tree Ornaments!
 
An electric drill is involved, so I would strongly advise you to enlist the help of a grown-up, or pop down to your local DIY store for some help.
 
The best bit of this project is eating the crumbs after you've drilled the hole; the hardest part is not eating the entire cookie when you've finished.
 
WARNING: If you have a pet dog, don't hang these ornaments on the lower branches.
If you have a pet cat it doesn't matter where you hang them: the cat will climb your tree to get at these delicious treats, so you might as well just give them to it straight away! 
 

 

03/12/2020

BELATED BEES' BLOG

Because Wilson had to send you his special ANTvent Calendar, we couldn't blog on 01 December, so here is our Special Xmas Bees' Blog:
Today we're going to show you how to make a big batch of delicious Gingerbread Anteaters!
 
We should warn you that this recipe is a bit more complicated than our recipe for Honey on Toast, so please read it a couple of times before you start cooking!
 
What you'll need:
• Packet of Gingerbread mixture
• Ants
• Icing Sugar
Recipe:
Make up the gingerbread mixture, following the directions very carefully.
Roll out the gingerbread until it's flat, and cut it into anteater shapes.
Bake your gingerbread anteaters until they're baked and a lovely golden colour.
Put some icing sugar on them to make them look more realistic and pretty.
Tomorrow Wilson will show you how to turn them into lovely decorations to hang on your Xmas Tree… if he hasn't eaten them all by then.
 
We've been the Belated Bees, and we'll see you all next year – until then, BEEEEEEEEEEE Happy and have a lovely Xmas
 

 

02/12/2020

ANTEATER ON THE SHELF

I didn't know this, but apparently, Xmas would not be complete without one of those annoying Elf-on-the-Shelf figures – that's what Wilson tells me, anyway.
 
To ease the pressure on Elves (who should be at the North Pole making toys for Wilson and his brother Byron) he's designed his own Anteater-on-the-Shelf for you to cut out and make.
 
Not only should that save you a few bob at this expensive time of year, no glueing is involved, thus reducing the chances of your furniture being ruined, eyes stuck shut etc.
 
All the instructions are on the sheet, so you can't go wrong.
 
Allegedly. 
 

 

01/12/2020

ADVENT CALENDAR PART DEUX

Okay, the instructions for completing your Advent Calendar are:
 
• Print it out, but keep your eyes closed, so as not to spoil the surprise.
• Put a little glue around the outside edge and glue it behind the cover sheet you made yesterday, still with your eyes closed.
• If by now you find you've got glue all over your paws and fur, it might be time to ask a grownup for a bit of help.
 
Once you've opened the first window of your magnificent 2020 Advent Calendar, you'll be on the downhill run to your socially-distanced Xmas – YAY!
 
The Bees, Polly and Billi, have kindly agreed to postpone their blog, due to the time-sensitive nature of today's post. 
 

 

30/11/2020

2020 ADVENT CALENDAR

Wilson's had a bit of a scramble to get this ready in time!
 
It was only as he was preparing to go to bed after the WAD party that he realised if he didn't get this published by today, it wouldn't be ready for you to open the first window tomorrow
 
He got up very early this morning and he's been working on it ever since to get it finished in time – ENJOY!
 
Both the front cover and the pictures behind the windows are all new for this year!
 
The second sheet will be ready tomorrow, but in the meantime, you can be cutting carefully around the solid lines of the little windows and lightly scoring the dashed lines ready to assemble it tomorrow, when the little pictures arrive! 
 

 

29/11/2020

WORLD ANTEATER DAY 2020

After all the waiting, it's finally here: WORLD ANTEATER DAY!

The celebrations are expected to last all day, but here you see the party meal in full swing. 
 
Excitement is at record levels as Uncle Zoltan's Special Anteater Cake (secret ingredients include: chocolate chips, glacé cherries and extra ants) is about to be sliced and passed round to all the family.
 
We hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating World Anteater Day 2020 – you deserve something special to cheer you up! 
 

 

28/11/2020

PARTY TIME!

With only one day to go, the waiting is almost over…and the hangovers almost gone.

World Anteater Day begins at midnight tonight, and the lads are outside putting up a final reminder for the neighbours.
 
Unfortunately, no one in our neighbourhood will be able to come to our party because of lockdown restrictions, but at least they shouldn't be taken by surprise when deafening Adam Ant music starts blasting out well before dawn… probably lasting until midnight!
 
Well, it's only once a year, and Byron says that if anyone comes round to complain about the noise they can have a slice of Ant Cake – that should shut them up!
 
Wilson's Top Tip is not to leave your own party preparations too late!
 
Oh, and if you need any tomato or mushroom soup you know where to come, although sadly we will be unable to deliver as planned.
 
Because of lockdown none of Wilson's friends will be allowed to come to our party, but I expect you'll all be holding your own events at home.
 
Why not send us a photo of your celebrations? We'll show the best ones here! 
 

 

27/11/2020

HANGOVER CITY

The boys are now paying the price of their early start!
 
They're both sitting in silence in the library with the lights turned low, Wilson balancing an ice-bag on his head, Byron wearing a sleep mask to protect his eyes.
 
The Bees have brought in servings of Alka-Seltzer – but judging by the groaning sounds, they don't appear to have kicked in yet… 
 
I know they've only themselves to blame, but I can't help feeling a tiny bit of sympathy for them both – they just look so sorry for themselves! 
 

 

26/11/2020

THE CELEBRATIONS START EARLY

With the baking now done, celebration of World Anteater Day has started early.
 
Wilson and Byron are both sitting in the library, drinking.
 
Occasionally one of them (usually Byron) will rouse himself and disappear briefly to the kitchen to attend to the dishwasher, then return to their previous state of relaxation.
 
They are both reminiscing about The Old Days – looking back on life at the zoo with Mrs V. and their family, or about one of Wilson's many failed get-rich-quick schemes – the Radio StationPick-Your-Own Tomatoes… the Motor Museum… the Petting ZooPig Yoga… 
 

 

25/11/2020

LAST-MINUTE BAKING

Today is the day set aside for last-minute baking for the upcoming World Anteater Day party.

The Bees are on hand to minister to minor burns, and Master Baker Uncle Zoltan is supervising everything in the sweary manner of Gordon Ramsey.

I imagine tomorrow will be devoted to loading and unloading the dishwasher, and the following couple of days will be spent drinking…

I hope the party itself isn't marred by hangovers!
 

24/11/2020

FINAL PREPARATIONS

World Anteater Day is almost upon us, and the boys have been making their final preparations.
 
I shudder to think how much the advance publicity has cost, but I'm sure I shall find out in the fulness of time… ie, when my Visa bill arrives!
 
Once WAD is over we'll be on the downhill stretch to Xmas, unless Wilson thinks up some new, expensive celebration no-one yet knows about... 
 

 

23/11/2020

USE-BY DATE DISCUSSIONS

Sales of Wilson's soup have been 'disappointing' and have certainly fallen significantly short of his projected sales figures.
 
The unfortunate consequence of this is that he has around 80 gallons of unsold soup approaching its best-before date.
 
Urgent discussions are taking place to find a way to minimise financial losses and prevent the soup from going to waste.
 
It has been decided to halve the price of each serving with immediate effect, and that the day before the soup reaches its use-by date they will donate it to a local food charity.
 
Also, Wilson has undertaken to order replacement supplies in smaller, individually packaged quantities – in spite of the savings to be made by bulk-buying. 
 

 

22/11/2020

ONE WEEK TO GO!

There's now only one week to go until World Anteater Day!

At home, excitement is reaching fever pitch as final preparations are made for the celebrations.
 
Wilson and Byron taking it in turns to man (well, to anteater) the SoupMobile, while the other bakes cakes and prepares jellies in little paper cups… 
 

 

21/11/2020

GUERILLA PUBLICITY

Wilson was quite impressed by Nërpsy's recent work as a graffiti artist.
 
He has now commissioned him to do some advance publicity for World Anteater Day, it now being barely a week away.
 
Nërp has taken his niece JÄ«qìrén along 'For support', but I suspect he wants her to keep a lookout for the authorities while he's at work…
 
Back at home, where Soup Sales remain 'A bit slower than expected' Wilson is drumming up custom by belting out Food Glorious Food on his kazoo and spoons.
 
I hope he's not using the same spoons to serve up his soup… 
 

 

20/11/2020

SOUPMOBILE

Wilson's SoupMobile has been hired and delivered and is now parked up on the front drive.

Unfortunately (aka luckily for me!) I am not insured to drive the van, so the service is perforce by collection only, which rather limits our customer base...

Wilson's original pitch was Hot Soup Delivered To Your Door, but as it's worked out the hot soup is at OUR door, and customers have to collect it themselves.

While Wilson prepares to dispense hot soup, Byron is pretending to drive the wagon – and is in charge of operating the chimes!

One or two of the neighbours, attracted by the constant, cacophonous sound of the chimes, have dropped by to complain about the noise, but Wilson has deftly converted them into customers.

Nërp has tried to sell them Nërpsy Souvenir Mugs, but so far without great success…

Business will probably improve once the weather gets a bit colder! 


 

19/11/2020

SOUP DELIVERY

Wilson has now hired an ice-cream van for the out-of-season period so he can start a Hot Soup Delivery Service.
 
On the face of it, this seems like an excellent idea – but past experience has taught me that it will end up losing money rather than making Wilson rich.
 
I don't yet know what will go wrong, so I'll just wait and see…
 
I'm puzzled as to why Uncle Zoltan is involved in this, unless he's hoping to make a lot of 'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup' jokes!
 
Anyway, the soup arrived this morning, in massive drums. 
 
For some reason, I had expected it to arrive in individual tins, but apparently it's much cheaper when you buy it in 50-gallon drums.
 
There's no maker's name on the containers, but I'm sure* it's all legit!
*Really hoping 
 

 

18/11/2020

WORLD ANTEATER DAY FREEBIES!

Actually, THREE free badges – Wilson is on Generosity Overload!
 
These badges are to help you celebrate World Anteater Day – a big event in Wilson's life ever since he first heard about it last year…
 
The usual warnings apply about getting a grown-up to help you with the cutting-out, not getting glue on your fur, in your mouth or up your nose etc.
 
I will admit I don't see the connection between the Eat More Soup badge and World Anteater Day – perhaps soup is a traditional celebratory meal for the Big Day… 




17/11/2020

HOT SOUP TO YOUR DOOR

While Wilson was taking out the recycling, he thought he heard the distant chimes of an ice-cream van.

It was probably his imagination, but it's left him wondering where all the Ice Cream vans go in the winter.
 
He asked me whether they hibernated, but I said they were probably parked-up in a compound somewhere waiting for warmer weather.
 
Now he is leafing through an old copy of Exchange & Mart, investigating the cost of hiring an ice-cream van so he can drive it round the streets selling hot soup over the winter season.
 
When he says he can drive it round the streets I expect he means that I can drive it for him…
 
Humouring him, I asked what music he'd use for his chimes?
 
Without a moment's hesitation, he replied, 'The Soup Dragons, obviously!'
 
We were interrupted by Nërp bustling in to announce that he had sold one of his Nërpsy Souvenir Mugs.
 
'Richness and famousness are within my grasp!' he exclaimed, excitedly.
 
So, one down, 49 to go… 
 

 

16/11/2020

🎶 I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS 🎶


Wilson is not a great lover of Mondays.

He says this is the worst Monday since last Monday…
 

15/11/2020

NËRPSY MERCHANDISE

In the same way that Banksy sells souvenirs and prints, Nërp – or Nërpsy – has developed his own range of merchandise.

Well, I say range, but there's actually just a mug.
 
Nërp has priced these at £10 ($13.20 +p&p, €11.15 +p&p) each and, borrowing Wilson's phraseology, he says they 'Make well wicked Xmas Gifts!'
 
I wish Nërp had learned from Wilson's experience in selling MUG (Make Uckfield Great) mugs and ordered rather fewer units.
 
I'm guessing I shall be receiving at least one of these on the 25th…