The wedding is ON!

I don't encourage Wilson to use the phone while we're eating, but during lunch he received a call from the bees saying that they'd completed their list of possible dates for their wedding. 

Billi-B started reading out the dates but he stopped her, saying that he had an 'extremely busy schedule for the rest of the day' but he would give the matter his 'full attention' as soon as he returned home.

After ending the call he turned to me and said, 'Better buy a hat, New Dad — the wedding is on!'

Typical day at the seaside...

The day started like most days spent at the seaside with Wilson. First we walked along the prom having a go on, or 'testing' as he prefers to call it, all the coin-operated rides.

Judging by previous experience, this will probably be followed by lunch, several ice-creams and a game of Crazy Golf.

Finally before we head home we may take a closer look at the sea, but I confidently predict there will be no paddling by the water-dodging Wilson.

1066 country!

The bees are STILL compiling a list of suitable dates for their wedding! I have no idea what's taking them so long — maybe they're into astrology and they're choosing auspicious days, or perhaps they're telephoning their relations to see when they're all free. 

I hope they don't come from big families — Wilson says that I am traditionally obligated to pay for all the catering and accommodation. 

Wilson made it clear to me that he was bored with waiting and, as the weather was sunny and warm, asked whether we could go to Hastings for the day.

I've lost count of the number of buckets and spades he's bought on our various holidays and days out, but only a new set would do for today! 

He won't always be little, so I like to indulge him while I can...

April Fool's Day

Today the bees are in the kitchen, still working on their Wedding Schedule. 

They've drawn up a long list of dates they think would be suitable, so Wilson can choose one that doesn't clash with anything on his busy agenda. 

Wilson, meanwhile, is once more working in the garden. He's a bit cross because he didn't think of any brilliant April Fool's Day pranks to play on me. He says that 1 April rather crept up on him, unexpectedly. 

If April 1st can take him by surprise, it does make me wonder how carefully he keeps his diary!

Everyone is very busy today...

The bees are in the dining room drawing up a list of possible wedding dates for Wilson's approval.

I keep setting the clocks to BST, but as fast as I do, W moves them back 30 minutes to British Average Time. He says that the benefits are too great to ignore…

Right now he's in the garden admiring his flowering cherry tree. I'm creeping round the house re-setting all the clocks.

British Average Time

I was surprised to turn on the wireless to listen to The Archers this morning to find I'd missed half of it. I mentioned it to Wilson, and he said that might be something to do with him.

He explained, 'When I adjusted the clocks last night, I put them forward just half an hour. That way, we need never adjust them again! We keep all the clocks half an hour slow in the summer, and half an hour fast in the winter. I call it British Average Time! Brilliant or what?'

There is a certain logic there, but I think I shall find it very confusing.

He's in the garden now, raking moss out of the lawn. 

The perfect Easter gift...

While Wilson was choosing his seeds I spotted the ideal Easter present for him — Giant Chocolate Ants' Eggs! I stealthily bought a jar without him noticing.

On the drive home he asked me whether the clocks should go forward or back tonight. I told him forward. Definitely forward! 

'Okey dokey!' he replied. 'Leave it to me — the clocks will be in safe paws!'

So, at least there shouldn't be any clock-related drama tomorrow. 

Which will be a first. 

A trip to the Garden Centre

Wilson was up early this morning, saying that he wants to do up the garden ready for the wedding. To this end he apparently 'needs' to go to the garden centre to buy some new gardening tools. 

In addition to a new spade, fork, trowel, kneeling-pad, secateurs and a load of other unexpectedly expensive gear, he bought a flowering cherry tree in pot and a lot of wild flower and herb seeds. 

He also bought a Mothers' Day card, remembering that he hadn't yet sent a card to his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua.  

'This isn't the year to upset Mrs V!' he opined, 'Not with the news I've got to break to her on my birthday...'

Wilson must not be disturbed...

Whatever Wilson's great idea is (and he's still not so much as hinted at what it might be) he has been in his tumble dryer all day today thinking about it. He didn't even come out for breakfast, instead sending Antony to bring him provisions, particularly 'brain food,' which I take to mean extra ants with everything. 

Between snacks Antony and Tiny Toy are in there with him in the capacity of 'Marketing Manager' and 'Assistant Marketing Manager' respectively.

Sometimes I wonder what Tiny Toy — a stuffed toy's stuffed toy — actually contributes to these enterprises. 

But what do I know about these things?

Wilson achieves enlightenment. Possibly.

This morning Wilson and the bees gathered around his iPad in the kitchen to choose a new date for the wedding. W has quite a busy schedule so it's not as easy as you might suppose. 

Gradually I noticed W staring blankly into space, oblivious to his surroundings. Suddenly he jumped down from the table and ran off to the tumble dryer, calling back to the bees, 'We'll do the calendar later! I must write this idea down before I forget it!'

He would not give me any details, but did confide that it was the 'most coruscatingly amazing brainwave I have ever had, ever! It's a genuine moment of Satori — I am enlightened!'

This bears all the signs of being another bizarre and totally improbable money-making scheme. Once again, I fear the worst.

Wilson explains...

Actually, by the time Antony had played Babymetal's "Gimme Choco!" fifteen or twenty times, I started to warm to it! 

Wilson took Polly and Billi to one side and explained about the significance of his upcoming 7th birthday and how he would have to visit his mother, Mrs Vermilingua, to explain in person how he'd broken his promise to her about being a millionaire by now. 

He also said that in his view a bit of a drama and some tears make a party seem more authentic — like on EastEnders or Corrie!

Then he donned a deelybopper and boogied for all he was worth — even Tiny Toy emerged from behind the iPad and danced with Antony!

Billi-B offered to teach me how to do the Wiggle Dance, but I declined. I think too much Dad-Dancing can spoil the atmosphere of a party, and I know what she really wanted was to dance with Polly…

The wedding cannot take place...

Wilson made a brief announcement, saying the wedding cannot take place on 11 May as that's his birthday. This was met with an awkward silence, broken only by the sound of Polly sobbing. 

Sensing that the speeches were over, Antony pressed Play and on came Babymetal's techno-rock mega-hit “Gimme Choco!” 

This played a couple of times while Billi-B consoled Polly, and by the third play both bees were doing the Bee Wiggle Dance together.

“Gimme Choco!” is allegedly all bees' favourite song! Try it: click the link, you might like it. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIKqgE4BwAY

I didn't, but maybe that's just me. 

Wedding date is announced!

Once the music had stopped, Polly-B made a sweet little speech in which she thanked everyone for coming and announced that the date for the wedding had been decided: 11 May this year. 

Everyone cheered… except for Wilson, whose face fell. 

He then started to make a speech of his own, but he looked very uncomfortable, as though he was about to break some bad news.

Oblivious to the developing awkwardness, Antony cued up his next song. 

PARTY TIME!

The day of the party is here at last! There was a little rain overnight, but the only casualty was two boxes of Cheesy Wotsits which got a bit damp.

Everyone has been eating, drinking and dancing to Pink’s Get the Party Started. Antony is in charge of music, on the iPad, but this is the only song he's played so far. He's played it about 50 times altogether — I think he really likes it!

As dusk fell, Wilson lit the lanterns then sang the Bob Dylan song he's learnt specially for the party, Delia. It's a not-altogether-appropriate song about a boy who shot his girlfriend dead one Christmas Eve, but he plays it very well.

Polly- and Billy-B are sitting together, wearing matching fascinators. Well, deely-boppers, actually — it's very difficult to get hold of fascinators in such small sizes, apparently. 

The party is GO!

The final phase of preparation is in progress as Wilson hangs lanterns all around the garden. 

As soon as that's done, he and Antony (the party's DJ) will test the sound system. W says it will be 'colossally loud because Antony has turned the knob up to eleven!'

I've have no idea what music bees really like, but W says Antony has downloaded a 'really kicking' playlist onto the iPad.

I think we'd better invite all the neighbours round to the party, to forestall any complaints about the noise. 

Party preparations...

Wilson is in the garden preparing for the party on Saturday.

The Florist has sent round what they were able to supply — a pot each of lavender and snowdrops, plus several paper sunflowers — and W has borrowed a branch of Flowering Cherry from our neighbours. I'm not altogether certain whether they know they've lent it yet. 

He has cunningly sprayed the sunflowers with some Brut aftershave one of his stepfathers left behind when he moved out — he assures me this will 'increase their realisticness by at least 400 percent!'

Here are your invitations to the party!

After learning of the shortfall in Wilson's flowers order, one of his friends, Lyn, has been in touch with a brilliant suggestion: Cherry Blossom! I'm certain the bees will love that. 

The people next door have a flowering cherry tree in their garden, so I've warned W not to get any ideas about pinching any of theirs…

Anyway, here at last are your invitations to the Engagement Party! Due to a design oversight they don't actually say where the party is being held, so here is the address: 

     http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/

A tiny hitch at the florists

The Florist has just called Wilson to say there's a bit of a hitch with his order.

I knew there as a problem when I heard W's raised voice on the phone saying 'I've never dealt with such a tin-pot, incompetent, unprofessional, second-rate, inefficient…' 

He slammed the phone down and told me that the florist can't supply some of the flowers he'd requested. Well, most of them, actually. 

'They say they can't get any fennel, borage, buttercup, aster, hollyhocks, geranium, calendula, sweet alyssum, poppy, zinnia, cleome or heliotrope!' he stormed. 'They say they're "out of season" or some such nonsense! Not only that, they say that most of them are actually "weeds!" Weeds! I ask you!'

I asked him what they could supply. He glanced at his notepad and said, 'They have deigned to offer me snowdrops, dried lavender and some paper sunflowers. They told me I might get some sage and fennel in Tesco. In the cookery aisle.'

Given that there are now only four days until the party, I suggested that he call the florist back, apologise for shouting at them and accept the flowers they can supply.

Which he has now done. Grudgingly.

A big order for the Florist shop in the village...

Wilson has just emailed his order through to the florist in the village. He's told them that these flowers are for an engagement party and there will be a much bigger order for the wedding if they make a good job of these.

Brainstorming

Wilson has spent all day today doing what he describes as 'brainstorming about wedding presents.' 

To me it looks awfully like dozing in the sun. 

He'd better get a move on — the party is in only six days!

The sTone Brothers are still lobbying to have the handles un-glued from their heads but Wilson demurs, saying they make it much easier to carry them around.