Memo to Boris

Wilson re-thought his letter to Boris Johnson, deciding that a hand-written missive would carry more weight than a typed one. 

I thought he was probably right, although I counselled strongly against his use of green ink. 

Here it is. 

Wilson writes to the Mayor of London

While Wilson was in London, he suffered an embarrassing mishap when he accidentally stepped in some dog poo. 

'It was just lying on the pavement!' he told me, 'Just lying there. It was disgusting, and I got it all over one of my back paws!'

He is now writing a letter to the Mayor of London Boris Johnson, with copies to the Prime Minister, the Home Office and the Department of Health, complaining about the state of London's streets, and offering his services in implementing what he calls a 'foolproof but relatively inexpensive solution.' 

Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor

All the time Wilson was away, there was something he was looking forward to doing as soon as he got home: watching Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor. Last night he did so, and it didn't disappoint; we all watched it together, and had a discussion about it afterwards. 

W said he liked it because 'The Doctor didn't after all kill billions of innocent people, but he still believed that he had, so he still felt the weight of guilt lying upon him.' 

W's home country, Costa Rica, is predominantly Roman Catholic, and I think that, with his enthusiasm for Guilt, maybe his religious roots are showing.

Anyway, we all agreed that we didn't understand how the writers are going to circumvent the '12 Regenerations' rule...

Wilson is offered a part

Wilson is safely home again, and we all listened spellbound as he related his adventures in London Town.

'Then when I finally got to the front of the queue,' he explained, 'the casting assistant called to her boss, and he came over and said “We would be honoured if you would join us.”'

We all gasped! 

'Then they offered me the part of… Third Wookie!' 

We started to cheer, until we noticed how W's face had fallen. I felt that being offered any part at all was a triumph, but W obviously has higher dramatic standards than I.

'Third WOOKIE!' he repeated,  'A mere spear-carrier!'

We all made solicitous noises. 

'Well, I declined, obviously! I can't be doing with travelling up to Elstree every day for a bit-part! If I can't play "William" I'd really rather not be involved — I'd have been barely more than an extra!'

I have to repair my Hard Drive now. If you don't receive any updates for a few days, you'll know why. Wish me luck!

Wilson returns...

Wilson is travelling home Pullman Class! I don't know whether that is to celebrate his getting the part, or to console himself for not getting it. 

Either way, there's not long to wait until I find out — I'm just off to the station to meet him.

Wilson does his audition

The auditions were far more popular than Wilson had anticipated, and even with a very early start, he was not at the front of the queue. However, everyone was very good-natured and cheerful, notwithstanding the weather, and there was much sharing of umbrellas and of stories. 

I'm missing him, and looking forward to hearing his news when he returns tomorrow.

London Underground

As soon as the Underground started running this morning, Wilson caught the Tube to the audition. 

May the Force Be With You, little mate!

Good luck, Wilson!

I've just waved Wilson off from Uckfield station. Polly-B, Antony and Tiny Toy all came to wish him well, and as the train pulled out we all waved and shouted 'Good Luck, Wilson! Good Luck!' 

Once the train had pulled out of sight Polly-B turned to me and whispered, 'I've got a very bad feeling about this.'

'Nonsense!' I replied, 'The Force is strong with this one!'

I have given W strict instructions not to turn on his light sabre while on the train or in any no-smoking areas!

I take Wilson to one side...

Wilson has put an enormous amount of effort in preparing for this audition, but I felt I had to take him aside and warn him not to get his hopes too high. 

'There will be thousands of people auditioning for this one part!' I reminded him. 'In Bristol, they stopped the auditions early, and lots of people didn't even get seen!'

'That,' he replied, 'is why I am leaving early. I shall travel up to London Town tomorrow, so I am at the head of the queue on Saturday morning!'

'Even so,' I said, 'don't set your heart on playing "William" in the new film. It's possible they might, however misguidedly, choose someone else.'

'I find your lack of faith disturbing' he replied.

The audition draws near...

I had to intervene yesterday and insist that Wilson release Polly-B from her Lego R2-D2 suit. Now they're having a much more relaxed rehearsal in the conservatory, with Polly-B wearing a comfy R2-D2 felt hat. I must say that, for a bee, she has a very forgiving nature!

Now that the Audition is drawing closer, W has booked his rail ticket to London. He told me that obviously he would have preferred to travel in First Class, but roughing it in Second would help get him into his role of Rebel Freedom Fighter. 

R2-D2 taken prisoner

Polly-B is helping Wilson with his rehearsals. He's getting a bit cross with her because, instead of saying her lines (which after all consist only of whistling and buzzing) she keeps saying, 'Can I come out yet? I'm getting cramp in my left wing!' and 'This feels as though I'm being walled-up alive!' and even 'Help! Help!'

Wilson keeps telling her (in a very scary Darth Vader voice) that the more she complains the longer rehearsals will take.

Antony and Tiny Toy are hiding under a chair in the dining room, lest they be press-ganged into rehearsals too.

Wilson builds a Space Ship

To help him 'get into' his part, Wilson is now building a model Millennium Falcon out of Lego bricks. 

Polly-B is in charge of handing W the next brick, while Antony and Tiny Toy are allowed only to observe. 

In silence. 

From behind a tiny Lego fence. 

Considering that he's working without plans or instructions, he's making quite a nice job of it!

The Jeremy Kyle Show

Polly-B has just rushed in, very excited, to tell Wilson that she's managed to arrange a ticket for him to be in the audience of the Jeremy Kyle Show. 

He told her that he couldn't be doing with that right now, due to rehearsals. 

'Anyway,' he asked, 'how will I publicise my book if I'm just in the audience?'

'Wear a sandwich board saying "Postcards From The Zoo" is a brilliant book, and I wrote it!"' Polly-B replied.

W regarded her for a moment, then retorted, 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'

I think he was a bit torn, though, as the Jeremy Kyle Show is one of his favourites. 

TV interference

Wilson's Light Sabre seems to cause a lot of interference on our TV — you'd think the Jedi Scientists would have sorted that out by now!

I pointed this out to W, who replied, 'But how could they be jamming us if they don’t know… that we’re… coming?'  As usual, I don't know what he's talking about, but he agreed to keep his weapon turned off at least while Boardwalk Empire is on tonight. 

We didn't watch much of Children in Need last night, but W was very affected by what we did see, and was moved to make a donation. 

If you'd like to do the same, you can go to: http://tinyurl.com/9ej37v2 

Make it so

Today, Wilson is communicating only in quotations from Star Wars. He says that it's part of 'The Method.' 

I asked him if he fancied coming into the village with me for a coffee, and he said, 'Awwwww! But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!'

I have no idea what that means, but I took it as a No and asked him if he'd like me to bring him a cup of tea and a cookie? 

He deepened his voice and replied, 'Make it so, Mr Riker!'

I'm not an expert, but even I know that's Star Trek, not Star Wars!

The Method

Amazon has just delivered a load of book about Method Acting, all addressed to Wilson. He's in the conservatory with them now, reading about Lee Strasbourg and Stanislavsky and 'The Method.' 

Also, he appears to be speaking to me only in quotes from Star Wars. 

The sooner this audition comes and goes, the better!

An unusual insurance claim...

I've just found a Light Sabre burn on the sofa. I don't know exactly how I'm going to explain that to the insurance company.

Wilson has received yet another message of encouragement, this one from his friend Joe:

"The Force, young Wilson, strong with you may be."

Although this is clearly from Joe, W insists that it's really from Yoda, and won't be persuaded otherwise. He's taking it as a very Good Omen.

I am your father!

Wilson is now in rehearsal, with Polly-B playing the part of Darth Vader: 

W: 'I'll never give in. You killed my New Dad!'

P-B: 'Bzzzzz No, Luke, I AM your bzzz father!'

W: 'Noooooooooooo!'

P-B: 'Yessssszzzzz!'

W: 'Why did you cut my arm off?'

And so on.

WIlson's friend Rhonda has sent him a message: 

"Break a leg, Wilson!!"

At first he thought this was a curse from a rival auditionee, but I explained that it was in fact a traditional good-luck message to actors of the highest calibre. 

Star Wars script

Wilson has settled down in the dining room, his trusty Light Sabre (he hasn't tried it yet — couldn't find enough AA batteries) and a cup of tea at his side, script on his lap, learning his lines for his Star Wars Audition. Antony is helping by reading all the other characters' parts. 

Occasionally I will hear raised voices as W declaims in a Shakespearean voice, 'You are a member of the Rebel Alliance and a Traitor!' or 'Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try!' or something equally dramatic.

Meanwhile, messages of encouragement continue to trickle in; here's another typical one from his friend Sheila:

'Whoo hoo Wilson! Knock 'em dead in that audition!'

Light Sabre

Wilson has received several letters of support, encouraging him in his bid to land a starring role in the next Star Wars movie! 

Here is a typical message, from his friend Bob:

"I really would love to see Wilson in Star Wars; just imagine an X-wing fighter piloted by an ant eater, it would be a box office smash. Good luck, W, in the auditions."

He's just popped in to the village to buy a Light Sabre so he can start rehearsing tomorrow. 

Just a TOY Light Sabre, I hope!