They're here!

They're here! A pre-production sample of Wilson's New ODDSIES! wrapper has arrived, together with a dummy of a special Mystery Edition pack, where you can't see the colour of the socks you're about to buy. 

Two things worry me about this whole enterprise:

1) whether people will pay hard-earned money for odd socks in fancy packaging, and

2) how much all this design work is costing.

But Wilson is confident — he says this is exactly how the fashion industry works… although he's started calling it the 'Fash Biz' and sometimes 'Rag Trade.' 

Anyway, he's signed off the samples and we can expect boxes and boxes of them to arrive any day soon. I'll bet he stores them in the kitchen, along with all the boxes of unused paper coffee cups… and the empty Ant Juice cartons…

It's a Girl!

This morning Wilson told Chandler that she is definitely a girl bee. 

'In that case,' she said. 'I should like to be known as Tracey. "Tracey the Bee."' 

Warming to her subject, she elaborated, '"Princess Tracey the Bee the 1st"… or should that be "Princess Tracey the 1st the Bee"?' 

After a moments thought, she reached a decision: 'Her Majesty Princess Tracey Bee the First!'

Wilson said that was too long for the sign.

Volkswagen

While Wilson was in the village handing out his new business cards to anyone who would take one (and one or two who wouldn't), he noticed the logo on the front of a Volkswagen in the Waitrose car park. 

He examined it closely before declaring, 'WV. Hmmm. That's a very good logo. I could have saved a lot of money if I'd noticed that before I commissioned my own design…'

I explained that it was not WV but VW, and the logo had belonged to Volkswagen since the 1930s.

'Intellectual Property Law is a complex area fraught with difficulties,' he replied. 'Given the right lawyer, I think I could have successfully sued them for infringement of my design; at the very least they'd have given me a free car to keep me quiet. Probably.'

Business cards

Last night Wilson watched a Horizon documentary about bees, and it seemed to suggest that if a bee is out and about among the flowers it's a lady bee. The way W explained it to me is that all the boy bees are inside the hive doing something unmentionable to the queen.

'D'oh!' he exclaimed after the programme, 'I could have carried on calling my bee Polly after all!'

This morning, though, an exciting package arrived for Wilson which quite distracted him from his bee problems: a big box of business cards with his new logo on them! 

He's outside at the moment, handing them out to anyone he comes across...

Chandler

The bee, whatever his or her name is, has finally said she doesn't care whether she's a Worker or a Drone, she just wants to get back to the flowers. 

Wilson protested, 'But what can I call you if we don't know your sex? Should you have a boy's name or a girl's name?'

The bee thought for a moment, and replied, 'Chandler. I should like to be known as Chandler the Bee!'

I think Wilson is a bit peeved by this as he thinks it's such a cool name he wishes he'd thought of it before he started calling himself Wilson. 

Nevertheless, he has agreed to this. 

And to re-paint the little name board outside the Bee House.

Also, when he gets a chance, Chandler would like her flowers changed, as they're looking a bit tired.

Sex questionnaire

When Wilson spoke to Jonny B (or Polly, as she still may be) it turned out that the bee had no idea whether s/he was a male or a female, having been too busy working to have given it any thought. However, s/he said s/he was very in touch with her feminine side. 

He told her it all came down to whether s/he felt more like a Worker or a Drone; a Polly or a Jonny B. 

Wilson's only paradigm for questioning people is crime drama he's seen on tv, and I felt at one stage the interview was going a bit like a scene from The Bill, with W trying to play Good Cop and Bad Cop at the same time. Then it turned more Dragnet when he actually used the words, 'We just wanna get the facts, ma'am!'

Throughout the interview, W has stared the little bee in the eyes while s/he buzzes nervously.  

Sex rears its head...

While reading through his Apiary for Beginners books, Wilson came across a tricky conundrum: Polly may in fact be a boy bee. 

He says he will give Polly a formal interview this afternoon, but will start addressing her as Jonny B immediately. 

Well, that shouldn't cause this little bee too much confusion!

Wilson's toys are okay!

Antony and Tiny Toy are both okay after Wilson gave them a couple of hours in the ICU. This turned out to mean 'Intensive Cuddling Unit' — ie W sat in the tumble dryer cuddling them until they warmed up. 

In the meantime, a prototype Oddsies! bag has arrived from the design agency. W is very excited, saying that he loves it 'when a plan comes together!'

Hypothermia crisis!

Wilson has had a word with the earwigs. It turns out they're a very nice family, but their teenage children spend all their time in their rooms playing Heavy Metal instead of doing what earwigs do. Whatever that is. 

Unwilling to evict a young family, W offered to install soundproofing — as long as the earwigs start paying him rent. The Mother earwig was enthusiastic, but the Father pointed out that he'd have to start working extra shifts earwigging to pay for it.

Halfway through negotiations, Wilson suddenly exclaimed 'Oh!' and ran off towards the house shouting, 'It's alright, I'm coming!'

Seems he'd forgotten that he'd put Antony and Tiny Toy in the fridge during the height of the heatwave.

CHECK THIS OUT! 

July has been a very busy month for Wilson Vermilingua OBE!

I've just uploaded the latest monthly volume of Ant Wars II: July 2013 so you can catch up on anything you've missed.

Please tell all your friends, as it is Wilson's stated ambition for his life story to be, as he puts it, "As Popular as a Summer Heatwave!". 

You can download it or read it online at:

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/ant_wars_ii_july_2013

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon

Photographs of the lovely WILSON are by Tamanduagirl at 

http://www.livingwithanteaters.com/ and are used by kind permission.

Squatters

Wilson's beekeeping books have arrived from Amazon and he's sitting in the conservatory reading them. 

In other news, a gang of earwigs has moved in to Polly's Bee House. According to Wilson, Polly has apparently told him that they're playing loud music all night and she can't get any sleep because of the noise.  

W confides in me that he wishes he'd taken out Landlord Insurance, to avoid tenant problems like this.

Little jobs in the garden...

In order to give Polly the best possible care, Wilson has ordered a couple of books on apiary from Amazon. He was initially puzzled, saying he was interested in keeping bees, not apes, but eventually worked it out!

While he awaits their arrival he's spending a quiet day working in the garden… and keeping an eye on Polly… and dozing, of course. 

Mostly dozing.

Wilson pops into the village...

Last night Wilson signed off his new logos, so the design agency is now working on the wrapper for his ODDSIES! project. He has put a lot of effort into this — I hope it doesn't end in tears…

He has just popped into the village to buy some pollen tablets for Polly from the Health Store and to pick up some tiny samples of wallpaper, in case she wants to redecorate her rooms. 

I think he's mollycoddling that bee!

Artwork approval

Wilson called me into the kitchen where he had laid out the contents of yesterday's envelope for inspection. I found Antony and Tiny Toy already there, so I was the last to be shown; clearly W values my opinion less than that of two stuffed toys!

'These are my new logos,' he announced. 'One for my Oddsies! brand, and one for all my Wilson Vermilingua business enterprises!'

I admired them for a few minutes, then asked how much they had cost.

'They were done by a very good agency,' W replied. 'They were recommended to me!'

'But how much is the bill?' I persisted.

'Oh, I don't know yet,' he replied, breezily, 'They still have the Oddsies! packaging to design, once I've approved these logos.'

With that he replaced the artwork in the envelope and left. His evasiveness says 'expensive' to me!

A mysterious and exciting letter arrives!

At teatime yesterday I asked Wilson, 'Stands the Church Clock at Ten to Three? And is there Honey Still for Tea?'

Err, no. There wasn't. Apparently Polly had had a bad day and there wasn't enough honey to go round. In fact, there wasn't any honey at all. Wilson has confessed that he is 'Mystified.'

But he is not discouraged: he answered the door this morning and the postman handed him a large 'To Be Signed For' envelope. He scurried off to the tumble dryer to open it in private.

I expect I shall be told of its contents in due course…

Honey for tea!

Wilson has put a vase of flowers in the niche next to the Bee House, so that Polly doesn't have to travel too far to work while she's settling in to her new home.

He's also left out a tiny jar, for Polly to put her honey into. 

He's promised me honey for tea tonight — I'm really looking forward to that!

Polly moves in!

A bee has moved in to Wilson's Bee House! 

When she alighted on one of the flowers in the garden, W immediately sprang into action: he picked the flower, carried it round to the bee house and poked her into one of the 'apartments' with a stick.

He then explained to her that this was her new home, and henceforth she would be known as Polly. W told me that she took this news very well, saying 'Zzzzzzzz zzzzzzz' which, although he doesn't fully understand it, probably means 'Okay, thankyou.' 

Or possibly, 'Why did you poke me with that stick?'

New House!

Wilson can be very handy around the house… as long as he's doing a job that interests him!  

After just 20 minutes with my cordless drill, two boxes of screws and seven strips of Rawlplugs his new Bee House is now installed on the Folly, ready for its new occupant. 

I asked why it took so many screws and Rawlplugs, and he told me that he didn't want to risk the Bee House falling and injuring Polly. 

I think the only risk of it falling is from the weight of screws he's used!

Collateral damage to my VISA card...

In much the same way that, when we pop in to Waitrose for a litre of milk Wilson finds a trolly-load of other shopping we can't manage without, so it was at the garden centre. Between the Insect Hotel section and the Exit, we passed any number of plants W just had to have. 

This bee is turning out to be an expensive pet… and we haven't even got her yet!

Wilson makes preparations for his new pet!

This morning Wilson reminded me of my promise to let him have a pet bee. 

Half an hour later he popped Antony and Tiny Toy into the salad drawer of the fridge (he said they couldn't handle the heat) and we set off to the Garden Centre to choose a Bee House for Polly. 

I had no idea there would be so many to choose from! 

Wilson feels the heat!

Following yesterday's brief blip in the weather, today the air feels even hotter, the sun even fiercer. 

Straight after breakfast Wilson headed to the pool, admitting he was relieved he no longer lived in his ancestral homeland of Costa Rica. 

'I just couldn't stand the heat, New Dad!' he groaned, dabbing some Factor 50 on to his nose. 'It's totally doing my nut in!'