Wilson is bonding with his new baby step-sister...

Today's email from Wilson says that his new baby sister is 'adorable!'.

He says he got to hold her last night and although she looks as though she's made of Blu-Tack she's actually very beautiful, has a cute little tongue and smells lovely. 

He's going to ask his mum if he can take her out to play in the snow tomorrow, or whether he should wait until she grows some fur. 

GREAT NEWS!

Great News from Wilson: He Is a Brother! Again! 

Wilson's family has grown even more with the birth of a new stepsister last night. He has emailed me to say it was the grossest thing he's ever seen in his life, and to assure me that he will never have any children. 

His mum is now resting. The Keeper came round to see her and the new baby, and looked very pleased. 

Andrea explained everything to W, but he is still pretty shaken up!

The sinister 'Keeper' pays a visit...

Wilson has just emailed me to say that the nice man they all call 'The Keeper' came round this morning and gave everyone in his family a strange fruit. He tickled W's head, telling him he might need this fruit to keep his strength up, and said he should leave his mum in peace today. 

Apparently the fruit is very tasty, but W is concerned that this sinister 'Keeper' is grooming him; he mentioned this to Andrea, though, and she put his mind at rest. 

Since he's been told to keep away from his mother, Andrea is teaching him to knit. 

Sister Andrea

In today's email, Wilson says that his mother was sick again this morning, right in the middle of Jeremy Kyle, but his big sister, Andrea, assured him that it's nothing to worry about. 

He also sent a photo of Andrea who is apparently his only sibling older than W himself.

More weird telephone messages; I shall be having a word with W as soon as he gets home.

Fun and games at the zoo!

Another email from Wilson saying that it was a lot of fun playing with other anteaters again. He sent a Polaroid of himself romping with one of his step-brothers, and he does seem to have lost the self-consciousness that sometimes troubles him. 

He says the family routine is to all watch Jeremy Kyle in the morning, Celebrity Big Brother before bed and fill the time between playing, eating and sleeping.

When I got back from taking Wilson to the zoo Saturday, I found a strange message on the answerphone; another one arrived last night. I must ask W about this.

An email from Wilson!

I've just received an email from Wilson! He says he's having a very nice time, and his mother did remember who he was. 

His family has grown a lot bigger since he last visited, and so has his mum who has apparently put on a lot of weight, while simultaneously being smaller than he remembered. 

He had some complaints too, though: it seems there is no Sky+ or Wi-Fi in his family's enclosure, the lack of which he considers inhumane. Also he had to sleep in a bed made of straw which, while primitive, he said did have a comforting and familiar smell about it.

He sent a copy of a Polaroid of him with his mum - he certainly does seem to have had a growth spurt since I last saw them together! (Wilson is on the left.)

We're off! Hooray!

Today dawned damp, cold and miserable, but Wilson has been like a little ball of sunshine! He was up at first light, carried his suitcase out onto the drive and is now sitting in the car waiting for me. 

He has promised to write and to email me every day with news of what he's been up to!

We'll be setting off in a few minutes...

Wilson is overexcited!

Wilson was up before dawn this morning, having realised he'd forgotten to pack Drinking Chocolate, Squirty Cream and Marshmallows.  

He is VERY excited -- I don't know how he'll pass the time until we set off tomorrow without exploding!

Packing for his holiday

Wilson is busy getting everything together to pack in his suitcase. 

He's decided to leave Antony and the as-yet-unnamed micro toy anteater here, in case his numerous half- and step-siblings think they are a gift for them. He's leaving his Wellington boots here for the same reason, but is taking his (i.e. my) iPad, so he can keep in touch.

He is also taking his Polaroid camera and has promised to take lots of photos.

I've given him a packet of spicy dried ants as a small gift for his mother, and some crayons and colouring books for all his siblings.

I bring Wilson some good news!

I've received a very nice letter from Wilson's mum, in which she says she would be delighted to have him to stay for a few days. She mentioned that she'd been afraid something like this might happen as 'little Boo has always been very driven and intense,' adding that she was sure some 'home cooking and cuddling will put him right in no time.'

I went to the tumble dryer and shook Wilson's shoulder gently and asked him if he'd like to go and stay with him mum for a little while. He opened one eye and said, 'My Mum? Mrs Vermilingua? Yes, I'd like that!' 

I left him in the dryer, but a little while ago I heard him rummaging through his stuff getting ready to pack.

I'd like to thank all of you who sent get-well wishes to Wilson -- we both appreciate your kind thoughts.

Wilson is still no better...

Wilson came out of the tumble dryer this morning and ate a light breakfast of Weetabix with ant sprinkles, then went back to sleep on the sofa. He wouldn't even drink any coffee, saying that the memory was 'too painful.'

I hope the postman brings a message from his mother today…

Wilson is still poorly

Wilson is still not right: he sleeps all the time instead of most of the time, he's off his food, even his favourites, and he won't come out of the tumble dryer even to watch tv.

My first thought was to take him to the vet, or maybe back to the animal psychiatrist, but then I remembered that they always tell me the same thing: it's nothing physical, he's just living a life not altogether suitable for an anteater.

So, I've reached a decision. I've written to his mum, Mrs Vermilingua, at the zoo, explaining the problem and asking her whether she could have Wilson to stay for a few days, to get back in touch with his family roots and his anteater origins. 

I haven't mentioned this to W yet, I'll wait and see what Mrs V says first. 

Ennui...

I didn't mean to knock the wind out of Wilson's sails when I refused to be on 24-hour standby to deliver coffee to his customers, but an air of ennui has descended on him. 

He's spent the last couple of days sitting listlessly in the tumble dryer with Antony, with no real interest in anything. This is so unlike his usual enthusiastic, earnest self.

Oh dear. I shall have to try to think of something to cheer him up...

I don't like the sound of the details...

Wilson's plan is to put adverts on the local radio stations and newspapers, offering to deliver "the perfect cup of coffee. Any time. Day or night." He says loads of people on Twitter had been asking for such a service, and who better to provide it than him?

There was a period of silence, which I broke by asking who would be delivering the coffees.

'Me, of course!' he exclaimed, 'I'll go to the customer's house or office in the car, or "coffeemobile" as it will be called, then I hop out, deliver the coffee and collect the money!'

'We both know you're too young to drive, so… ?' 

'Well, you'll do the driving, obviously! You'll be the driver, while I will make the coffee and work the SatNav!'

I thought this over for a few microseconds, then asked, 'So at any time, day or night, I might have to jump into the car and drive you to a customer's house?'

'No, no, you jump into the coffeemobile!' he interrupted.

'Whatever,' I continued, 'it's the any time day or night part that's worrying me.'

'I haven't finished designing the logo for the cups - that's what's worrying me!' he replied.

Wilson's plan is revealed!

This morning, Wilson invited me into the kitchen for a cup of coffee… and to reveal his new business plan. 

On the counter was the largest coffee machine I've ever seen outside of a restaurant, and the worktops were all covered with stacks of paper cups. 

Wilson proudly handed me a paper cup containing what he described as a 'Wilson Special NY Triple Macchiato.' 

I sat down to drink my coffee while W explained how this would make us 'Richer than Richard Branson, the 19th Richest Person in the UK!'

Wilson still behaving mysteriously

With Xmas and the New Year celebrations out of the way, life is returning to normal. For Wilson, this appears to mean spending a lot of time in the kitchen with his mysterious cardboard boxes, while I am forbidden to enter. 

He's told me that 'All will be revealed tomorrow… or the next day.' 

It's difficult not to fear the worst…

Happy New Year!

Wilson has revealed his New Year's Resolutions 2013, posting them on the fridge for all to see. There are fewer than last year, as he thinks they will be easier to observe. I guess number six is mainly down to me, anyway.

I've started using the new monthly Journals that W gave me for Xmas, and also trying to write more neatly. You can see for yourself when I put January on-line next month!

CHECK THIS OUT!

What with the run-up to Xmas, December has been a very busy month for Wilson Vermilingua OBE!

I've just uploaded the twelfth monthly volume of Ant Wars II: DECEMBER 2012 so you can catch up on anything you've missed.

Please tell all your friends, as it is Wilson's stated ambition for his life story to be, as he puts it, "As Popular as Xmas Pudding with Ants!". 

You can download it or read it online at:

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/ant_wars_ii_december_2012

Preparing for a late night

As I write this, Wilson is sitting in tumble dryer drawing up his New Year's Resolutions. He's giving each one careful consideration in order to increase his hit rate for 2013.

The other reason he's still in bed is that I promised him he can stay up until midnight tonight to see in the New Year with a toast of Ant Gin, so he's resting in preparation for a late night.

MOON, the movie that caused us so much trouble, was on BBC2 last night. We both knew it was one, but neither of us mentioned it! 

Relief all round!

New Year Resolutions time again

With 2013 fast approaching, Wilson has been checking on his last year's New Years Resolutions, to see how well he did. 

He's awarded himself three out of eight… which is much better than I've ever managed!