DAWN OF A NEW ERA IN CHILDCARE — ALLEGEDLY

Wilson has unveiled his new invention which, he says, will transform AND revolutionise childcare in the 21st Century. As well as making him rich.

He took me into the kitchen, where he proceeded to unfold the biggest brown paper bag I had ever seen, and announced, 'Behold! I present the Wilson Vermilingua "Bag of Serenity" (patent pending) ushering in a New Era in Non-Lethal Childcare!'

While not wishing to state the obvious, I observed: 'It's a paper bag.' 

'No,' he replied, 'while it may LOOK like a paper bag, it is in fact the new Naughty Step!'

I had an awful feeling that I knew where this was heading... and I wasn't wrong.

'When your child is fractious, rude, disobedient or just plain naughty, just pop it in the Bag of Serenity until it calms down... or begs to come out!' he continued. 'After a few uses, just the THREAT of the Bag of Serenity will be enough to calm your child and make it promise to be good for ever! It will be especially useful at times of high stress, like Xmas Eve!'
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Yesterday's ANTicipate! answer is: ANTicipate! — the intellectually-challenging fun card game for all the family! Available soon for a trifling sum at all good shops.