Missing without trace!

We were all in quite a sombre mood over breakfast, and later in our room as Wilson, the boys and I all packed our cases and made ready to leave the hotel and Bournemouth. 

We carried everything out to the car park and were preparing to load the car when W noticed something was missing — Antony and Tiny Toy had disappeared! 

They were both with us a moment before, but now they were nowhere to be seen...

Holidays all have to end...

Yesterday was the last day of our holiday. 

Over breakfast Wilson told me that he'd had a brilliant time and, although he didn't want the holiday to end, he was quite keen to get home and see how production of his Mk2 WASTE clock was coming along.

Antony said he'd had a good time too, while in a very tiny voice Tiny Toy timidly said that this had been the most exciting few days of his life.

Of course, TT doesn't get out much...

Co-piloting is harder than it looks!

Antony was feeling a bit overwhelmed by now, so we sat him in the restaurant with a Pepsi Max while Wilson and I climbed into another aircraft which he kindly consented to allow me to co-pilot for him. 

I clearly had no idea what I was doing, so he patiently explained what he thought some of the dials and switches were for.

Following this briefing he sat back in the pilot's seat and started making loud engine noises, interspersed with shouts of 'Ants at twelve o'clock, New Dad!', 'Watch our six, New Dad — bandits!' etc. 

It was very exciting, but we had to 'land' quite soon as Wilson was out of breath from making all the engine noises. 

Chocks Away!

Wilson called down to Antony, 'Pass me my bally helmet old chap, there's a good fellow!'

Then after wiggling what he called the 'beer lever' he shouted:

'Chocks away old boy, got to go and beat Anty so we can all be home before Xmas!'

'Flying is in my Blood!'

Once inside Wilson began telling Antony that 'Aviation is in my blood!' 

I've lost count of the times I've heard about W's Great, Great … Grandfather, the legendary Blue Baron of the Great Ant Wars of 1921, but I listened again as these tales were re-told to Antony. 

War heroes must be honoured, after all, and it's not as though there are any in my family that I know of...

Aircraft Museum!

Today is a day Wilson has been looking forward to since the start of the holiday: our visit to a local Aircraft Museum.

Wilson is seen here contemplating the admission charges and wondering whether he'll have to pay for Antony. 

Coincidentally, I was wondering whether I'd have to pay for W!

TT has an exam

Last night Wilson took his microscope to the restaurant so he could 'Check the food for microbes.' 

I was afraid there might be a scene with the chef, particularly as this was the first time W had used his microscope and he had no idea what a microbe looked like, so while we were waiting for our order to arrive I persuaded him to examine Tiny Toy through his instrument. 

After the meal W confided to me, out of Antony's hearing, that TT was not as well made as he'd expected and he might soon need some emergency needlework…

Wilson cheers up...

Bad news is never easy to hear, so I attempted to lift Wilson's mood by taking him to a nearby amusement arcade.

We had a game of Air Hockey (Antony insisted on sitting on the puck, so we couldn't play very hard) then W found a Sonic the Hedgehog ride, which is one of his favourites.

By the time we left the arcade everyone was in pretty good spirits again, although I suspect I've not heard the last of Towel Screening for Health and Profit!

Wilson asks for the truth...

Before heading back to the hotel we stopped off for a coffee, and Wilson asked me a question I found very difficult to answer: he asked me what I thought of his fledgling towel-screening business… and he asked me to tell him the truth. 

I told him as kindly as I could that I thought it was basically a good idea beset by practical difficulties, chiefly the cost of sending towels to him for testing, and the cost of returning them to their owners.  

W frowned and admitted that he too had been concerned about postage costs.

Without warning Antony suddenly announced, 'The truth? You can't handle the truth!' 

W and I turned to stare at him and he blushed, explaining, 'A Few Good Men. 1992. It's a very famous quote! Sorry...'

WIlson makes plans for his future...

When we'd finished our ice-creams we headed down to the beach. 

Wilson admired some boats and said he'd quite like a boat when he was a millionaire, but a bigger one than these. He would get one that someone else could drive for him, with proper bedrooms and an engine. And that would allow him to stay further away from the water.

Antony helpfully suggested it could be called the SS Antony, at which W raised his eyebrows and shook his head despairingly.

Before we left, Wilson gathered up a pinch of sand to look at under his microscope when we got back to the hotel. 

Wilson has another good idea. Well, an idea, anyway...

Once Wilson and Antony had finished re-enacting gangster movies on the giant globe, we sat on the prom for a spell while W outlined his plans for his microscope.

At first he wants to check all the towels at home for microbes, skin flakes, nematode eggs and antigens, to ensure our safety. This is just a rehearsal, however, as his eventual ambition is to start an international company offering a towel health-screening service. 

'I haven't thought of a name for it yet,' he explained, 'but I need to get it up and running in time for World Towel Day on 25 May next year!'

I nodded non-committally, having heard many of Wilson's business plans before. 

He interrupted my reverie, though, to clarify that 'Antigens haven't got anything to do with ants, you know!'

Wilson is on top of the world!

Wilson was very, very excited about his microscope, but he consented to proceed to Durlston Country Park just outside Swanage, where there was something I thought he'd enjoy seeing: a giant globe of the earth.

In the event, it seems I'd over-sold it to him. 

'It's not giant at all, New Dad!' he remarked scathingly. 'It might be giant when compared to a grape, or ping-pong ball, or even a football… but compared to the World, well, it's tiny!'

Nevertheless his disappointment didn't prevent him from climbing over the fence and clambering up the globe until he bestrode the North Pole like a Colossus and shouting, 'Made it, Ma! Top of the world!' as loud as he could.

'What are you doing?' I called up to him.

'I'm re-creating the final scene from "White Heat" the iconic 1949 gangster movie!' he shouted down to me. 'I'm James Cagney!' 

'You dirty rat!' called Antony...

Wilson has a lucky find!

We were driving through Bournemouth on our way to Durlston Country Park when Wilson suddenly shouted 'Stop! New Dad, stop the car!!'

Fearing some dire emergency I screeched the car to a halt, but before I could ask what was the matter Wilson had jumped out and darted into a Charity Shop.

I don't know whether I've mentioned this before, but for some time now W has craved a microscope. In fact he has a large collection of magnifying glasses and cardboard tubes at home from which he'd hoped to build one — but now he won't need to: 

He emerged from the shop after a couple of minutes proudly clutching... a microscope!

I hope he'll still want to go to Durlston and won't insist on going back to the hotel to check all the towels for microbes…

If you'd like to share Wilson's adventures with a friend — which would be a GOOD THING TO DO — just send them this link:

http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/

Simple! 
Wilson thanks you — you've made a young anteater very happy!

Doctor Who

We ate early again last night then Wilson rushed us back to the hotel for what he called 'An epoch-defining event': the new Doctor Who! 

I'm beginning to think hotels should provide PVRs so guests don't have to rush back to watch 'unmissable' tv. 

Either that or guests should wait until they get back home to catch up on what they've missed. 

And when I say 'guests' I mean 'Wilson'…

W, though, is a part of the MTV Generation, with a short attention span and an unwillingness to wait for anything! 

And I enjoyed watching it too.

Is everyone sitting comfortably?

Once Wilson and Antony were safely back on terra firma we were making our way back to the Hotel when Antony spotted some folding chairs for sale. 

As you know, because Antony is a small stuffed toy, Wilson has to relay what he says to me, and according to him Antony couldn't live without one of these. 

And neither could Wilson. 

So I am expected to pay £27.99 for Wilson's chair and another £9.99 for Antony's. I asked whether Antony couldn't share Wilson's chair, but that was greeted with a lot of cheek-puffing and head-shaking.

Apart from the expense, I know exactly whose job it will be to carry these chairs around all day!

We have liftoff!

As the tethering cable unwound the balloon rose slowly and majestically into the sky. Wilson waved both arms in the air and called down to me, 'Look at me, New Dad! I'm flying!' 

Antony climbed up into the criss-cross web of ropes securing the basket to the balloon. He looked very precarious up there and I thought my catching skills might be required, but the balloon's pilot ordered him to come down and stay in the basket. 

By the time it reached its maximum height of 500ft the balloon was swaying around in the wind and I became less concerned about having to catch Antony than being caught by Wilson's projectile vomiting; then I remembered that he has some experience of flying and in fact comes from a long line of aviators.

Adventure in the Skies

A balloon ticket was purchased (just one, for Wilson — much to his chagrin Antony was judged to be 'luggage' and so did not require a ticket of his own) and the two Intrepid Balloononauts embarked onto their lighter-than-air craft for their 'Adventure in the Skies' as W put it. 

I wasn't allowed to accompany them — I had to remain on the ground so I could catch little Antony if he happened to fall out of the basket. 

I wonder whether his terminal velocity would be great enough to kill me?

Balloon trip

'You'll never guess what we saw from the top of the helter-skelter!' Wilson told me breathlessly, and before I'd had time to guess Antony supplied the answer: 

'It was a huge balloon on a string, with people dangling off it!'

'And we both want to go on it!' W concluded.

Taking my hand in his paw he led me quickly out of the fun fair and into Bournemouth park, where before long I saw what he was talking about!

Helter Skelter ride

As the boys descended on the helter-skelter I noticed that Wilson was holding the sides with both paws and kept asking Antony whether he was alright. A's reply was invariably 'Yes! Yes! Faster! Wheeeeeee!'

I've reached the conclusion that Antony is totally fearless (except where fish are involved!) but Wilson is quite a protective and nervous parent. He probably gets it from me.

The had three goes on the helter-skelter, and when they'd finished Wilson said, 'New Dad, you'll never guess what we saw from the top of that ride!'

From the excitement in his voice I'm guessing that, whatever is was, I'm going to have mixed feelings about it…

Riding a traditional Carousel!

Once we'd finished in the aquarium (and calmed Antony down about the fish who'd given him a funny look in the shark tunnel) we had a quick coffee then proceeded to the fun fair in front of the pier. 

Wilson wanted to have a go on the traditional Carousel and selected Galloper DEBIE (he felt sorry for her because her name was spelt wrongly). 

Afterwards he said that the ride was very exciting although it was 'surprisingly hard to hold on, because horses are tricky beasts!'

He told me he spent most of his time on the ride worrying about Antony falling off, but I think he was quite concerned about his own security! 

Next on his list is the giant Helter-Skelter...