I don't like the sound of the details...

Wilson's plan is to put adverts on the local radio stations and newspapers, offering to deliver "the perfect cup of coffee. Any time. Day or night." He says loads of people on Twitter had been asking for such a service, and who better to provide it than him?

There was a period of silence, which I broke by asking who would be delivering the coffees.

'Me, of course!' he exclaimed, 'I'll go to the customer's house or office in the car, or "coffeemobile" as it will be called, then I hop out, deliver the coffee and collect the money!'

'We both know you're too young to drive, so… ?' 

'Well, you'll do the driving, obviously! You'll be the driver, while I will make the coffee and work the SatNav!'

I thought this over for a few microseconds, then asked, 'So at any time, day or night, I might have to jump into the car and drive you to a customer's house?'

'No, no, you jump into the coffeemobile!' he interrupted.

'Whatever,' I continued, 'it's the any time day or night part that's worrying me.'

'I haven't finished designing the logo for the cups - that's what's worrying me!' he replied.

Wilson's plan is revealed!

This morning, Wilson invited me into the kitchen for a cup of coffee… and to reveal his new business plan. 

On the counter was the largest coffee machine I've ever seen outside of a restaurant, and the worktops were all covered with stacks of paper cups. 

Wilson proudly handed me a paper cup containing what he described as a 'Wilson Special NY Triple Macchiato.' 

I sat down to drink my coffee while W explained how this would make us 'Richer than Richard Branson, the 19th Richest Person in the UK!'

Wilson still behaving mysteriously

With Xmas and the New Year celebrations out of the way, life is returning to normal. For Wilson, this appears to mean spending a lot of time in the kitchen with his mysterious cardboard boxes, while I am forbidden to enter. 

He's told me that 'All will be revealed tomorrow… or the next day.' 

It's difficult not to fear the worst…

Happy New Year!

Wilson has revealed his New Year's Resolutions 2013, posting them on the fridge for all to see. There are fewer than last year, as he thinks they will be easier to observe. I guess number six is mainly down to me, anyway.

I've started using the new monthly Journals that W gave me for Xmas, and also trying to write more neatly. You can see for yourself when I put January on-line next month!

CHECK THIS OUT!

What with the run-up to Xmas, December has been a very busy month for Wilson Vermilingua OBE!

I've just uploaded the twelfth monthly volume of Ant Wars II: DECEMBER 2012 so you can catch up on anything you've missed.

Please tell all your friends, as it is Wilson's stated ambition for his life story to be, as he puts it, "As Popular as Xmas Pudding with Ants!". 

You can download it or read it online at:

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/ant_wars_ii_december_2012

Preparing for a late night

As I write this, Wilson is sitting in tumble dryer drawing up his New Year's Resolutions. He's giving each one careful consideration in order to increase his hit rate for 2013.

The other reason he's still in bed is that I promised him he can stay up until midnight tonight to see in the New Year with a toast of Ant Gin, so he's resting in preparation for a late night.

MOON, the movie that caused us so much trouble, was on BBC2 last night. We both knew it was one, but neither of us mentioned it! 

Relief all round!

New Year Resolutions time again

With 2013 fast approaching, Wilson has been checking on his last year's New Years Resolutions, to see how well he did. 

He's awarded himself three out of eight… which is much better than I've ever managed!

Snubbed by The Queen

Wilson was very disconcerted today to learn that he had yet again been snubbed by HM The Queen who has apparently decided to ignore his repeated requests to 'regularise' his OBE in the New Year Honours list. 

He says he is considering returning his OBE and becoming a Republican. 

I pointed out that he could hardly return his OBE if he didn't actually have it, but W dismissed my objection as 'a mere detail,' saying that the OBE was 'temporarily misplaced, probably under the sofa.'

Wilson gets it up!

Today there was a light breeze, so Wilson and I headed once again for the park. This time the kite flew like a bird, and W really enjoyed himself! 

He said that it reminded him of his time as a pilot, before he was cruelly grounded. But reminded him in a good way.

Earthbound!

The weather today was fine, so Wilson and I took his kite to the park. We had an energetic time running up and down, but the total lack of wind ensured that his kite remained firmly earthbound. W is certain the kite is faulty.

The exercise we got was good for both of us, following our Xmas over-indulgence. Also, I remembered the advice the psychiatrist gave us after he had seen W: that we should spend more time together, get more exercise and fresh air, and Wilson should do things more appropriate for an anteater. 

Well, if kite flying isn't appropriate, I don't know what is!

Boxing Day

We had a lovely day yesterday! 

Wilson's presents included:

a kite

a box of dried ants

an ant farm

and some computer games:

'Empire of the Ants'

'Antbuster'

'SimAnt'

Antony received a small toy anteater.

Wilson gave me 12 new journals, a pack of top-markers and a box of rubber bands, which I thought was a very thoughtful gift.

In the evening we played Twister, and W's specially-adapted version of Mousetrap: AntTrap!

Happy Xmas Everyone!

Wilson and I would like to wish ALL our friends, family and followers a VERY happy Xmas! 

There won't be any updates tomorrow because we'll both be relaxing*, but look out for us again on Boxing Day! 

*drunk

Wilson's cards arrive

Yesterday the postman delivered the Xmas cards from Wilson's family. 

As he predicted, they were all identical. This is apparently a ploy his mother, Mrs Vermilingua, employs to make sure her numerous children don't squabble over who has the best card. W, for the same reason, sends everyone in his family an identical card.

However, W was disturbed by one unexpected card; it was of a different design, bore a very torrid message and was signed 'From your secret admirer XXXXX.' 

He wouldn't let me read the message as it was 'too embarrassing' but he consoled himself by observing that this year, 'whoever this person is, she hasn't stolen any of my artwork. Unlike the Valentines Day card!'

Can romance be in the air for young Wilson? The mystery continues…

The mystery deepens...

Sure enough, as we arrived home we found a delivery van waiting outside the house. 

The box being delivered was so heavy that Wilson and I had to carry it between us. When we'd taken it through to the kitchen and placed it on the floor, I offered to help W open it. 

'Nice try, New Dad!' he replied. 'You'll find out what's in the boxes soon enough!'

I can't help thinking that sounded the tiniest bit… ominous!

Yet another delivery...

Wilson and I enjoyed a leisurely coffee together, chatting idly of this and that. I subtly guided the conversation to the topic that is concerning me a little: what is in all those cardboard boxes in the kitchen? 

I thought he was about to confide in me when an alarm sounded on his iPhone. He glanced at the screen then announced that we should leave straight away as another delivery was due in a few minutes.

The Drinks are on Wilson!

In an attempt to cheer Wilson up after yesterday's Time Magazine disappointment, I took him to a local tea shop where he surprised me by telling me to order whatever I wanted as he was paying. 

'I shall soon be so rich that it won't matter even if you have a cake with your coffee!' he said, generously.

I demurred, opting for just a latte, saying that I thought he should wait until these riches -- whatever their source -- were safely in his paws. 

He looked very proud as he paid for the drinks, and to both of us they tasted even more delicious than usual.

Time Magazine

Wilson suffered a bit of a disappointment today when, once again, he was not selected as Time Magazine's Person of the Year. 

He confessed that he had mocked-up the cover to see how he would look once he'd received the accolade. At first he was too crestfallen to show it to me, but after a little gentle cajoling he consented to let me take a look.

I told him that, if only he had been selected Person of the Year, he would have looked very fine on the cover. 

This cheered him up a little, and we both agreed: there's always 2013.

Another mystery delivery

A huge consignment of cardboard boxes has just arrived! 

Wilson started behaving a bit shiftily, refusing all offers of help to move them into the kitchen, which will apparently be their new home. I can't really complain as, since W does almost all the cooking, it is pretty much his domain. 

However, I must admit that I am a little… curious as to what can be in all these boxes. Surely not more neon signs?

Father Xmas visits in his Sleigh!

Last night was a landmark point in Wilson's year: it was the night the Uckfield Lions Father Xmas Sleigh came to visit! W put his coins in the collecting tin and received a lollipop from an elf wearing a hi-vis tabard. 

W is now in the final countdown to Xmas, so I am still no closer to learning what he is planning; I only know I got very little sleep after yesterday's caffeine overload. 

I hope it's nothing to do with time travel...

Caffein high

I don't know what Wilson is up to, but all day he's been bringing me coffee (a different kind each time - mocha, cappuccino, mochaccino, espresso, caffe Americano, all without ant garnish) then spending a lot of time on the phone. 

I daren't think about what he might be up to, I'm on too much of a caffein high. All I know for sure is that I'm probably not going to like it.

I can't keep my hands still after all this coffee -- I've just spilled an almond and gingerbread latte down my shirt!