CLIENT PRESENTATION

In light of feedback from his Focus Group, Wilson has completely redesigned the packaging for the Tinned Termites.

 

Today he is making a Client Presentation of the revised design to Arnold*.

 

He's quite nervous and really hoping that Arnold likes it.

 

We'll have to wait and see: what with living in America, Arnold may not even be awake at the moment – it might be the middle of the night there!

_____

*Arnold – IG: the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

 

Ant Wars 2: MARKET RESEARCH

Yesterday I suggested to Wilson that perhaps he should do some Market Research about the design of the packaging for his and Arnold's Tinned Termites project.

 

He took my suggestion surprisingly well, and this morning he made a presentation to what he calls his Focus Group – and discovered that the termite image on his Tinned Termites design was not universally popular.

 

While he and Byron agreed that the termites on the tin looked 'well succulent' some of the others disagreed.

 

Even those with the most catholic of tastes found the image – particularly the wings – 'a bit yucky…'

 

Still, that's the whole point of Focus Groups and Market Research: to find out what people *really* think.

 

Consequently, the can has been redesigned, with less emphasis on the food itself, more on its nourishing qualities and allegedly delicious taste…

 

I think it looks much better now – although I wouldn't want to eat it – or even touch the tin, actually…

 

You can see it tomorrow when Wilson makes his Client Presentation to Arnold!

 

 

TERMITE PACKAGING

With the opening event at the gallery now behind him, Wilson has turned his thoughts to designing the packaging for his friend Arnold's* Termite business.

 

Here he is discussing his first dummy can with Marketing Manager Antony, before he adds the text – what do you think?

 

I think it looks perfectly vile, but then, I'm not a great lover of insects.

 

Except for Bumble Bees – I think they're great, and I'm only sorry they're having such a tough time recently…

 

I might have a quiet word with the boys about doing a bit of Market Research…

______

 

*Arnold – IG: the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP

No visit to any attraction managed by Wilson would be complete without a visit to the Gift Shop.

 

Here you can purchase many beautiful souvenirs of your visit to The Vermilingua Contemporary and Byron's Retrospective show, including: charming decorative Memphis-style rocking anteater ornaments and delightful Souvenir Paint Remover!

 

Please be aware that cashier Uncle Zoltan is finding the new Fisher-Price Contactless Card Reader a bit confusing, which is making him quite… testy. 

 

Not to put too fine a point on it, he is irascible, ill-tempered and short-fused – to be frank, he's got a stinger and he knows how to use it, so please don't argue with him about, well, anything really!

 

This sadly concludes your visit to the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery and your viewing of the Byron Vermilingua Retrospective Exhibition – Wilson and Byron hope you have enjoyed your time here and will spend liberally on souvenirs to commemorate your tour of the gallery.

 

Although this is the final day of the current show, in his untiring and tenacious efforts to meet your ongoing artistic needs Wilson has negotiated the loan of an 'extremely famous' painting from an American gallery. He'll show it to you as soon as it arrives and has been safely hung.

 

Today: he is trying to obtain a cheap deal on insuring its passage across the Atlantic…

 

Tomorrow: something completely different!

 

 

ARTIST AT WORK: GESTURAL ABSTRACTION

Here, at last, is the day you've possibly been waiting for: the day when Byron demonstrates the art of Gestural Abstraction.

 

GA (aka Action Painting) can get a bit messy, so I hope you heeded yesterday's warning about not wearing your best clothes!

 

Of course, if you are at all nervous about this you could always hire an umbrella or buy a disposable protective poncho in the Gift Shop.

 

Byron is in the middle of the gallery channelling Norman Bluhm or Jackson Pollock at their chaotic messiest – he stands in a maelstrom of paint, covered in multicoloured smudges and splashes, while behind him hangs a work he completed earlier.

 

Please don't touch this as the paint is still wet – it will be available for purchase once it has dried out!

 

If you do happen to get some paint on your clothes, feel free to avail yourself of a bottle of Souvenir Paint Remover from the Gift Shop.

 

Ant Wars 2: RETROSPECTIVE DAY 4: ABSTRACT MINIMALISM

Here you can see Nërp answering a visitor's questions about Abstract Minimalism and the artist.

Nërp answered all the young lady's questions in a professional and erudite manner although… well, if I didn't know better I'd swear he was flirting with her!

When I think of all the useful modules Nërp doesn't have installed, yet he does have this one! 🙄

Tomorrow, the final day of Byron's Retrospective Show, we have something quite special for you – Byron will be giving a demonstration of Gestural Abstract Painting!

This promises to be very interesting and exciting, although he has asked me to warn you against wearing your best clothes…

RETROSPECTIVE DAY 3: COLOUR FIELD PAINTING

Today the Bees are in charge of supervising visitors.

 

The Bees are famous for not knowing much about art, but knowing what they don't like… and they don't like anything which isn't a Nice Painting of Flowers, so I wouldn't ask them anything about Colour Field Painting.

 

On the other hand, if you feel a bit faint or are in need of some first aid or TLC, they are the ideal supervisors!

 

Tomorrow's Abstract Minimalism event will be supervised by Nërp, who knows almost everything about almost everything, and what he doesn't know he'll Google in real time.

 

Of course, Uncle Zoltan thinks of himself as the undisputed world expert on modern art and everything else… although no one has ever seen any evidence of this whatsoever – which is why he's safely confined to the Gift Shop.

 

Speaking of Uncle Zoltan, when you get to the Gift Shop please don't argue with him – he's not very happy working there and is quite keen to demonstrate his Stinger.

 

You have been warned…

 

 

RETROSPECTIVE DAY 2: ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM

Wilson, in full protective snoutmask, supervises a visitor as he admires one of Byron's paintings.

 

Speaking of protective measures, several of you have questioned the requirement to 'sterilise your eyes' between exhibits.

 

I've spoken to Wilson about this, and it's not as bad as it sounds – all you are asked to do is close your eyes for a few seconds to clear the mind between one painting and the next. 

 

It's an Aesthetic Sterilisation rather than anything to do with infection control and was apparently included on the list in error… which I am extremely relieved to hear!

 

Tomorrow: Colour Field Painting – so there's something to look forward to… or not. 

 

Visitor Supervision will be provided by Polly and Billi, so you'll be in safe (if not terribly knowledgable) hands. Tarsi.

 

 

RETROSPECTIVE OPENS: NEON

Ant Wars 2: RETROSPECTIVE OPENS: NEON

Today the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery has re-opened, albeit under stringent infection-control conditions.

 

The opening show is Byron Vermilingua's Retrospective, and I'm very excited to see what he's been up to in the workshop.

 

As today happens to be my birthday, Wilson generously waived the admission fee for me, while warning me not to expect that to be a regular concession!

 

The first piece is a large creation in Neon, which Byron says is 'Influenced by Tracey Emin's neon works… though not as rude as Bruce Nauman's or Fiona Banner's'.

 

Beneath a large neon anteater the text reads, 'I never asked to be born an anteater'.

 

For Wilson, seeing the work for the first time, this came as a deeply shocking revelation – he has always thought he'd won life's lottery by being born an anteater, and he had never considered that anyone would think otherwise.

 

'Is this true, Bro?' he demanded 'You don't love being a member of the proud order Tamandua Tetradactyla?'

 

Byron replied, 'Of course I do, Bro… but an artist needs a measure of angst, something to rebel against. I need to be an iconoclast, a maverick – I need to say challenging, dissenting and sometimes unpopular things! That's my job…' 

 

After a moment he added, 'I still love you, Man!'

 

 

CONDITIONS OF ENTRY

Just to avoid any surprise at the stringency of Wilson's C-19 precautions, he would like to explain the conditions under which you may enter the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery when it reopens tomorrow:

• Face masks must be worn at all times

• Only one visitor at a time is allowed in the gallery

• Hand/Paw Sanitising Gel must be used before entering

• Do not touch, lick or smell the exhibits

• Do not come within 2m of the exhibits

• Gallery Staff will be present to supervise visitors

• Visitors must sterilise their eyes between looking at different exhibits

• Only contactless payment will be accepted for admission and in the Gift Shop

So apart from that, you're free to do as you like – enjoy!

 

 

FREE GIFTS FOR FRIENDS

Wilson's little Art Gallery, the Vermilingua Contemporary, will be opening in a couple of days time.

 

To thank you for your patience and loyalty, he has prepared a little Welcome Pack for his closest friends.

 

This comprises a Complimentary Admission Ticket* a pin badge proclaiming 'I've been to the Vermilingua Contemporary' and a Voucher for a Half-Price bottle of Souvenir Paint Remover if you attend Byron's planned demonstration of Gestural Abstraction Painting – he says it 'might' get a 'tiny bit' messy…

_____

 

*complementary ticket has no cash value and is not to be put up on eBay.

 

BEES' BLOG – A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte

Ant Wars 2: BEES' BLOG

Hello, we are Polly and Billi the Bees and this is our Guest Blog!

 

We've been chatting with Wilson's pen friend Arnold (IG: the.gourmet.anteater) and he said that re-creating classic paintings was all the rage now.

 

We are not great art-lovers, but we are very fashionable and we don't want to miss out on a new trend so we thought we'd give it a try!

 

We've chosen A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte because it's an opportunity to get out of lockdown and into the fresh air – we took our two children with us and had a lovely picnic in the sunshine!

 

Once it was done we took the children to see the finished picture, and they both thought it was very nice.

 

Actually it was quite good fun, so we're thinking about doing something similar for our next Blog in August!

So, we've been the Bees and we'll see you again next month – until then, BEEEEEEEEEEEE GOOD, Art Lovers!

 

 

 

 

POSTERS 4 U

I hope you all feel a bit uplifted following TT's stand-up comedy show yesterday!

Anyway, Wilson has kindly printed a load of posters for you to stick up – at home, at work, in your car window… 

 

He doesn't really care where you stick them(!) as long as you publicise the re-opening of his little Art Gallery.

 

The Vermilingua Contemporary will reopen on 4 July, and he's relying on a good turnout to help him recoup the losses he's accrued while the Gallery has been in lockdown.

 

If you scroll down you'll find an image of the poster you can print out yourself…

 

In the meantime, Wilson is working on the packaging for his new Joint Venture with his friend Arnold (IG: the.gourmet.anteater): Tinned Termites 🙄

 

Memo to self: order some more printer ink.

 

Also, don't forget that tomorrow it is the Bees turn to blog they've been persuaded to try something a bit different!

 

 

LOCKDOWN MORALE BOOSTER

TT's last online 'Comedy Nite' was surprisingly well received, so he's taking his next one more seriously.

 

He's bought some professional lighting on eBay (an Anglepoise lamp) and with Nërp's help he's even built a little background for his performance – now I understand what he, Antony and Nërp were doing shut away in the workshop!

 

Shh, he's just starting…

My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... but if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk"...

I've been wondering… at what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

I just found out I'm colourblind – the diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

What do you call a male ant? Unc.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Take your time.

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.

I had a driving lesson the other day. The instructor asked me, 'What do we do if we meet mist or fog?' I told him, 'We put Mister Foot on Mister Brake!'

Well, I'm going to make like a bowl of spaghetti now, because it's pasta my bedtime.

Thank you! Thank you! I've been Tiny Toy, and I hope you've been a wonderful audience! Goodnight!

When the performance was over TT told me that he hoped it would have eased the pain of waiting for Wilson's Art Gallery to open in a few days – what a kind thought!

 

 

A TIME OF CRISIS

These are difficult times, and I don't think Crisis is too strong a word to use.

 

What do we need in a time of crisis? 

 

What do we need in THIS time of crisis?

 

Some Common Sense and a C-19 Vaccine would be useful, but sadly there's little we can do about either of those… but the NEXT BEST thing is something to cheer you up, lift your spirits and make you happy!

 

Tiny Toy is bravely stepping up and has offered to do another of his TT's Comedy Nites to raise morale, and he's taking it a lot more seriously than last time.

 

He's already in make-up preparing, then he intends to run over his script one last time so he's gag-perfect before the curtain goes up tomorrow!

 

Don't miss it – he's put a lot of effort into this, and it's Guaranteed* make you feel better!

___

* Ts&Cs: not an actual 'legal' guarantee, more a statement of intent.