Construction of the Museum Building is now complete!
Wilson and Byron have started unpacking the boxes of Old Stuff and arranging it on the shelves – it took them until late into the night, but the sooner the displays are finished, the sooner the Museum can start making them both rich.
Wilson has set his heart on opening to the Paying Public next Saturday, and is confident he can meet that date – so please keep that day free in your diary…
The nice people from SKY have now repaired our Broadband Cable.
They told me it's now 'as good as new' and 'sound as a pound' but suggested I should keep anteaters with spades well away from where it's buried!
On the plus side, without the constant distractions of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Netflix, the boys have made excellent progress – Wilson is confident that if the weather holds, his new Museum should be ready by next weekend.
In any building, the most important consideration is to have Solid Foundations, and today Wilson, Byron and Nërp have started digging the foundations for the Museum.
I suppose the boys will be okay digging a big hole in the garden – they've got Nërp to keep an eye on them, and Wilson's Bitcoin Mine was much deeper than the foundations for this little shed.
However, I'm pretty sure the Broadband Cable is buried somewhere over there, so I hope they take care where they're digg
⚡️FZZZZZZT ⚡️
Between them, Wilson and Byron have managed to manhandle [anteater-handle] one of the newly-painted walls to the site of the Museum.
Nërp is unable to assist on this occasion as he is suffering from VLC (Very Low Charge) but he is supervising the work and offering advice – in barely more than a whisper, to conserve what little charge remains.
Later, this being International Chocolate Day, everyone gathered to eat their Easter Eggs.
Diesel the Goldfish had to have an emergency water change as his Cadbury's Creme Egg leaked into the water and contaminated it.
Diesel protested, insisting that 'it tastes lovely!' but Wilson maintained that it was not a Safe Environment and imposed full Health and Safety Protocols…
Now that Nërp has moved the walls, roof etc of Wilson's Museum into position, the boys have set to painting them.
Wilson has chosen a bright blue colour paint, and quite a lot of it is going on the grass – leading to a lot of jokes about Blue-Grass Music.
While they paint, the lads are singing:
🎶This is the way we paint the walls/Paint the walls/Paint the walls🎶
🎶This is the way we paint the walls/On a Summer's afternoon🎶
Which is allegedly a traditional anteater song sung for hundreds of years by skilled anteater craftsmen.
Whether or not that is true, I can vouch for it being very annoying, as those are the only words, repeated ad-infinitum…
As soon as we arrived home, Wilson ran into the house in search of Nërp.
He eventually located him in the garden discussing Abstract Expressionism with the sTone Brothers.
Soon, however, he was Manfully (well, Robotfully, I suppose) transporting structural parts of the Museum across the garden with relative ease.
'They're heavier than they look!' he would occasionally remark, while leaning against something for support.
The boys looked on in silent admiration of Nërp's undoubted strength from a safe distance…
After a number of goes on all the rides and a quick look round the Toy Shop, we went to the restaurant for hot chocolate with marshmallows and hot cross buns.
Halfway through his hot chocolate – just after he'd been back to the counter to ask for some extra marshmallows – Wilson clapped his paw to his head, and exclaimed, 'Nërp!'
Byron and I (and several surprised diners) turned to stare at him.
Continuing, W explained, 'Nërp can do all the heavy lifting for us – work on the museum can proceed after all!'
On the drive home, Byron said he was a bit sad that he hadn't seen Father Xmas at the Mall, and I tried to explain the difference between Xmas and Easter.
Wilson, on the other hand, kept shouting, 'Drive faster, New Dad! Faster!'
He's desperate to get home and resume work on the Museum…
Following yesterday's disappointing pronouncement, an air of melancholy has descended on the two lads.
In an attempt to lift their spirits I've packed them into the car and driven them to a local Mall.
Byron very excited by the rides as, although they have similar rides at the zoo, he is not allowed on them – they are apparently for Visitors' Use Only which, while understandable, seems a bit mean.
Wilson, though, is still deeply troubled by the thought that his New Museum may never become a reality…
First thing this morning Wilson showed Byron round the Building Site, hoping he'd be suitably impressed by its scale and ambitiousness.
After inspecting the groundworks and the kit of parts, he eventually turned to Wilson.
'We can't do it, Bro – it's all just too… well, big. And heavy. We can't even lift the bits!'
Wilson was a bit crestfallen to hear this, and asked Byron whether he'd feel any better about the project if he gave him a Hard Hat and let him have a go on the Surveyor's Theodolite.
B shook his head sadly and said, 'I'm sorry, mate – I think it's beyond us!'
Once we'd arrived home, even before I could make coffee, Byron rummaged around in his suitcase and produced a small cardboard box, which he handed to Wilson.
'It's just a little something I found,' he said, shyly. 'I thought maybe you'd like it for the Museum?'
Wilson opened the box and withdrew a small, painted sign bearing the word 'M_SEUM' in heavily flaking paint.
'Bro, that's Brilliant!' Wilson exclaimed as he examined it, 'It will be the oldest thing in the museum! Is it Stone Age?'
'I think it's Wood Age,' B replied proudly.
I could tell that little Byron was very pleased with how well his gift had been received.
Wilson hurried off to show it to the rest of the family…
In many ways, Wilson leads a sheltered life.
If he needs to go anywhere, for example, he has only to ask and I'll drive him there in the car.
His brother Byron is, perforce, more confident in doing things by himself – particularly in his use of Public Transport.
Early this morning we drove round to the village Bus Station to collect Byron when he arrived on the bus from the Zoo.
I helped him off with his suitcase, then he and Wilson hugged and performed the paw-slapping and chanting ritual they've invented.
Once their greetings were completed I loaded B's case into the car and we drove home for lunch, and to catch up on each other's news.
Some of Wilson's friends have mentioned that they couldn't quite read his writing – so here's a clearer image of his notebook and the list of books he is about to re-write*.
_____
*Plagiarise mercilessly
Wilson is researching a few more book ideas…
His brother Byron will be arriving Friday, so I hope he chooses something short that he can realistically finish in two days – Jonathan Livingstone Ant, perhaps – rather than the epic Moby-Ant.
Or the 12-volume A Dance To The Music Of Ants…
Sporting events take a heavy toll on Wilson… or rather, what he drinks during sporting events takes a heavy toll.
But once his headache started to subside, he mentioned that he'd struck up a friendship with a 'well pretty' assistant at the book shop during his Celebrity Book Signing Event.
During slack times she showed him around the Fiction section, and he says that she's given him 'loads of totes brilliant new ideas' for books he could re-write*.
Top of his list are:
A Tale of Two Ants
The Great Antsby
The Anteater in the Rye
The Thirty-Nine Ants, and
Tinker Tailor Soldier Ant
That lot should keep him busy for a little while…
__________
*Plagiarise
Wilson was pretty much done in by the time we returned from his Celebrity Book Signing event yesterday, and went straight to bed in the tumble dryer.
He was a little disappointed that Brighton was knocked out of the FA Cup yesterday (although he knew they were doomed once he learned Jesus was playing for Manchester City – clearly you can't buck Divine Intervention).
Football really isn't his sport, so this morning he rose late and relaxed in front of the tv, sipping Limoncello-and-Gin Cocktails with ants while he waited for the 165th University Boat Race.
Since the men's race didn't start until 3:10, and he'd been drinking since breakfast time, I was surprised he could even remember the names of the teams by the time the Coxs' arms went down…
W is a keen Oxford supporter, and although he was a bit dismayed when Cambridge took a convincing early lead he carried on shouting, 'Come on Oxford! Come on Oxford!'
By Chiswick Reach he was beginning to acknowledge that Cambridge were 'very good…' and by Barnes Bridge he had segued seamlessly into supporting the Light Blues…
When the race was finally over, and Oxford's appeal had been dismissed, he announced that he was 'Totes drained!' and retired to his tumble dryer to sleep off the day's excitement.
Today is the day of Wilson's Celebrity Book Signing at the village book shop!
I drove W round to Uckfield Books and Cards then helped him unload his books and arrange them on a table the owners had provided.
Soon an impressive queue had formed in front of the table, and W dealt with his visitors very professionally, saying things like, 'Would you like "With Love" or "With Best Wishes"?' and, 'Do you spell that R-I-L-E-Y? Oh, you'd better spell it out for me then. A bit slower than that…'
One or two visitors were disappointed because they thought they were going to a Celebrity Book Singing and to please them W generously performed a brief acapella medley of his favourite Peter Dawson songs.
IN OTHER NEWS, Wilson today achieved exactly 64,000 views of his blog! YAY!
Although Byron will be arriving earlier than originally expected, there's still quite a lot of time for Wilson to pass until he gets here – ie quite a lot of time to keep out of mischief.
He's got out his crayons and started designing a deck of Anteater Playing Cards. So far he's completed only a few cards, but it's a good start, and at this rate should occupy him for several weeks…
The eagle-eyed among you might notice a pre-production proof copy of Wilson's latest novel, Death In Ventnor – we visited Ventnor during our holiday on the Isle of Wight, so he thought he could bring some personal insight to bear on the plot…
By the time Mrs V eventually passed the phone over to Byron, Wilson was one chastened anteater…
Anyway, returning to the matter in hand, Byron has a Cheese-and-Gin Tasting Party on the 11th, which he doesn't want to miss because he's in charge of assembling the Cheese Hedgehogs (a responsible position, with many perks!) but he is prepared to forego the Warthogs' Baby Shower the following day.
Therefore we can expect him on the 12th.
Wilson has just popped round to the post box in order to mail Mrs V's Mother's Day Cards – to be on the safe side, he's sending both of them!
Hello, we are 🐝Polly and 🐝Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog.
Today we'd like to show you a family heirloom: it's a Daguerrotype of the Old Queen, HM Queen Destiny-Tanisha the IV.
We don't generally talk about our Royal Connection, because we know that Wilson is still a bit peeved that he never got his OBE from the Human Queen – but he never reads our blog, so we should be alright.
You don't need to curtsey or bow when you meet us, obviously – a slight inclination of the head will be sufficient because we are Bees Of The People; we have the Common Touch!
So anyway, we've been 👑 The Royal Bees 👑 and we'll see you again next month.
Until then, BEEEEEEE GOOD!
First thing this morning, Wilson called his brother, Byron, to ask whether he could get here any earlier than Easter to help with building the new Museum.
Unfortunately, Wilson's Mum – Mrs V – answered the call.
Even more unfortunately, even though W had bought TWO Mother's Day cards, he had neglected to mail either of them.
I overheard quite a few acrimonious comments leaking from the earpiece, and quite a bit of grovelling from W…
