MANIFESTO

With the Royal Crisis out of the way, Wilson's attention has returned to his newly-formed Sloth Party.

In an attempt to understand his Party's platform, I asked whether 'Sloth' was being used in the sense of 'Reluctance To Work' or to describe the slow-moving South American mammal?

'The mammal, of course! Wilson replied, 'Sloths are super-cute and V popular right now, as are Llamas and Alpacas – hence the alliance! But never forget,' he added, 'indolence is a Great Virtue!'

I then enquired how he intended to get rich from this enterprise, and he explained, 'In the same way as Mr Trump, but without the lying, the cheating, the nepotism, the racism or the imprisonment of little children – unlike him, I am not a total monster!' 

What does that leave, I wonder? I hope it's not a Hotel or a Golf Course.

'Watch and learn, New Dad,' he continued, 'Watch and learn – I have many policies in my… well, our Manifesto. Many, many wonderful policies! Tremendous policies! Believe me!'

He ruffled his hair disarmingly, a very Boris gesture. I fear he's quite good at this… 

I don't like to mention that Trump, in common with most of our previous Tory Prime Ministers, is rich because he inherited his wealth – often from parents who are crooks and/or tax-evaders – because I wouldn't want to discourage him in his political awakening.