THE WIRELESS

For the weekend, Nërp has assumed Conducted Tour duties, to give Wilson time to prepare for tonight's Eurovision Song Contest.

With no visible signs of nervousness, Nërp commenced, 'Ladies and Gentlemen – welcome to this Free Guided Tour of the Wilson Vermilingua New Museum of Old Stuff. My name is Nërp, and I shall be your Tour Guide today. I should like first to draw your attention to this small item labelled "Wireless"'. 

The visitors crowded round to peer at the small plastic box Nërp had indicated.

'It is allegedly a miniature unidirectional telecommunications device driven by discrete "transistors" – or "trannys", as they were colloquially known at the time.'

Nërp paused while the small group of visitors variously Ooh'd, Aah'd and muttered that if the tour weren't free, they'd be asking for their money back.

Resuming his commentary, Nërp announced, 'Doubtless you will have observed the delightful QUADROPHENIA 40th Anniversary Badges displayed adjacent to the Wireless. These may be purchased for a trifling sum in the Gift Shop – just ask Uncle Zoltan if you wish to acquire them, but it is recommended to approach him with a measure of… caution.'