TOUR NEWS FROM UNCLE Z

Another postcard has arrived from Uncle Z – this one probably a bit more realistic in its tone.

It shows an establishment even less salubrious-looking than the last, where he says he's playing lunchtime gigs in a nearby village. 

He confesses that the locals there are not such great fans of Avant Garde freeform jazz drumming as his audience in Glasgow had been.

During his last performance, one audience member strode through from the Saloon Bar and approached him.

Uncle Z thought he was going to ask for an autograph or make a request, but instead he bent down and hissed, 'If'n ya don't stop ya bangin', ya skannocky wee bullstang, ye'll be havin' a Close Encounter with a rolled-up Daily Mail!'

Uncle Z immediately stopped playing… but later gave this 'uncouth lout' a sting on the ankle – right on the bony part!

That sounds exactly like Uncle Zoltan!