SEVEN SECOND DELAY

Wilson has just proudly shown me the logo for his new On-Line Ant Racing project, ANTrack.

It's good – actually it's very good – but I can't help thinking it looks the tiniest bit familiar.

Then he confided the secret behind his ant-racing plan, the secret that is guaranteed to make it a sure-fire money earner: the races won't be shown live.

'No tv is LIVE live any more – it always has a few minutes delay built in, in case someone swears or dies – you don't believe Strictly Come Dancing is LIVE live, do you? They use a thing they call the Seven Second Delay, or the Dump Box!'

I confessed that I had believed that Strictly was indeed live. He greeted this with a withering look that clearly showed my levels of naiveté had reached a new high.

'Anyway,' he continued, 'Our Live Ant Racing will be just a little bit less live than that – there'll be just enough of a time delay that we can see which ant wins before we set the odds! We'll be trousering a fortune!'