ALL CLEAR

It emerged later that Nërp had muddled up Zombies – the brain-eating undead, and Wombles – the cheerful, fluffy Wimbledon-based recycling experts.

'If I'd known,' he explained over breakfast, 'I would never have volunteered. I'd have voted for Uncle Zoltan to go!'

Later I was chatting with one of our neighbours and asked whether they'd been incommoded by the Zombies' visitation. 

'Oh, what you mean the Zombie Hunters' Van?' He laughed, and explained, 'That belongs to my wife's nephew! He came to stay for the weekend, and his mates paid to have his van done up like that for his birthday present – it's brilliant, isn't it? Really convincing!'

So… there had never been any zombie invasion! 

Everyone had been so brave that I think I shall keep that information to myself…