BUGGER BOURNEMOUTH

As I was passing Wilson’s tumble dryer this morning, he leaned out and asked me, ‘This holiday – where were you thinking of going?’

‘Weymouth!’ I replied, ‘It’s really lovely there, with loads of interesting things to do and places to visit.’

‘So, where exactly is Weymouth – is it abroad?’ he enquired.

‘No,’ I continued, ‘It’s in Dorset, quite near to Bournemouth.’

W’s head withdrew, and I heard his muffled voice say, ‘Forget it, then. I’ve already been to Bournemouth. Many times. I’m bored of it. In the immortal Last Words of King George V, “Bugger Bournemouth!”’

‘Actually,’ I replied, ‘he said “Bugger Bognor” – and don’t use that word!’