TT tapped his microphone and began:
Hello, good evening, it’s lovely to see you all here! What do you think of the place, eh? “The Happy Ant” – we were going to open next door to a nuclear power plant; then we’d have called it “Fission Chips.”
Speaking of restaurants, I received some bad news whilst eating a curry at an Indian Restaurant: my naan had slipped into a korma.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married... and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked.
My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer...
Dyslexic man walks into a bra...
I went to the corner shop — bought four corners.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
We know the location of the Big Apple, but do we know where the Minneapolis?
They're always telling me to live my dreams – but I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for...
So, there was a mathematician who had a cattle farm. He had 198 cows, but when he rounded them up he had 200!
As a child, I had an obsession with Posh Spice — it cost my mum a fortune in saffron...
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool — I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to "incorrect" — so whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Thank you, thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience – totally lacking a sense of humour, but in every other way, just wonderful!
If you’ve enjoyed the show, I’ve been Tiny Toy, and this is The Happy Ant Diner. If you haven’t enjoyed it, I’m Jim Davidson and this is The Railway Tavern – I love you all.
But before I go, I’d like to leave you with this thought: Always remember you’re unique... just like everyone else.
Thank you, goodnight!
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