MORE TROUBLE IN STORE

'Once he'd emptied the Children's Complimentary Fruit Box,' the security lady continued, 'he was seen to proceed to the Bakery Department where he was observed licking a number of the iced doughnuts on display, and eating two Cream Slices and half a Finest* Danish Pastry!'

'Oh dear!' I replied, 'Naturally I will pay for any damage or spoiled goods. As you know, this is totally out of character for Wilson, but I'm afraid he's having quite a difficult time dealing with some recent bad news. Would £10 cover everything – and an apology from W, of course?'

'Not quite,' she replied. 'There is one more expensive – and serious – item to consider. So serious that we're considering informing the Police about it...'

I cut her off before she could continue, saying. 'Wait there – I'm on my way!'

Hanging up the phone, I jumped into the car and drove straight round to the store...