JUDGMENT DAY

In this morning's mail, Wilson received a reply from the Editor of the New Scientist. It was a very nice letter, but not altogether what W had wanted to hear:

Dear Mr Vermilingua

Thank you very much for the two samples of 'new elements' which you sent to this office. We have had them chemically analysed, and can now inform you of the results of those analyses:

SAMPLE 1 [metallic]:
This IS an element, but sadly not a new one. We believe it to be Aluminium (chemical symbol Al) and, judging from the colouration and printing, think it may originally have been a chocolate wrapper. Probably a soft-centre.

SAMPLE 2 [fibrous]:   
This proved to be mostly organic in composition (dead skin cells and hair/fur) and is colloquially known as a "Dust Bunny". Although not a new element (or indeed an element at all) colleagues in the office have suggested you might like to name it "Dustbunnyite" — chemical symbol Db.

Thank you for contacting us in this matter and we are very sorry to have to give you this disappointing news. However, we hope you will continue in your researches, and wish you the best of luck.

Illegible

Managing Editor

PS We should like to point out that ALL the Row Seven Elements — where the undiscovered elements lie — are highly radioactive and poisonous; please take care!