'Wilson,' I began, 'Since I have known you, you have had many business enterprises, projects, inventions, get-rich-quick schemes — call them what you will — and they have all failed! They have all failed dismally!'
Wilson hung his head and stared at his feet.
'But they have been magnificent failures, and you have put them behind you and tried again!' I continued. 'In the words of John Kennedy, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly!" You have failed greatly, and having put those failures so successfully behind you and moved on, I believe that one day you will achieve your dream, you will fulfil the childhood promise you made to your Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, you will be a millionaire!'
Everyone clapped and cheered wildly. After a moment I held up my hand for quiet, before proceeding.
It is for this reason that your friends in the Wilson Vermilingua Appreciation Society* and on Twitter** have asked me to present you with this, the Wilson Vermilingua Medal for Extreme Bravery in Difficult Circumstances!'
At this point I pulled his medal out of my pocket and stuck it to his chest with masking tape.
There was more tumultuous applause and calls of 'Speech! Speech!'
** @WVermilingua
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