NEPOTISM!

Today is mild with a blue, cloudless sky… but Wilson's mood is far from sunny. 

He'd been watching ChimneyCam on Sky News last night when suddenly the screen filled with white smoke. From then on his eyes were glued to images of the Vatican balcony, waiting for the the red curtains to be rent asunder and the name of the new Pope announced. After much delay a cardinal appeared and proclaimed the name… and it was not Wilson's. 

W stormed up and down, saying 'This is nepotism gone mad! Every Catholic male in the world was eligible, and they choose one of their own! Even Bono's name was shortlisted. Bono!'

I tried to sooth him with a glass of Ant Wine (or Communion Ant Wine, as he's been calling it lately) but he was not to be placated, complaining 'They say this is the first Latin American Pope — is my own country, Costa Rica, not Latin American enough for them?' 

As he finally climbed into the tumble dryer for the night, he was still moaning. 'I would have been rich, what with the Papal Coffee concession and selling Indulgences!' 

Perhaps, I reflected to myself, that is why Wilson was not elected: the fact that he saw the Papacy ONLY as a business opportunity. 

Not that I would condemn him for that — he's ambitious and young, too young to be concerned with superstition and religion. Also, the skull-cap would have interfered with his ears.