Ambitious new plan

I mentioned the Ant Problem to Wilson last night. He apologised for the 45 minute delay in rescuing me from the ants and offered to rub on some of the antihistamine cream I got from my doctor following the attack. He did giggle over the word ant-ihistamine, though, which I thought rather devalued his apology.

This morning, though, he outlined his ambitious new plan to rid the garden of ants: Britain's Got Ants - a talent show for ants. 

He proposes to put up tiny posters all over the garden advertising the event, then hold auditions on a miniature stage he'll set up near the Museum of Old Stuff. 'The most talented ants' he explained, 'will be put in a box and sent off to Simon Cowell.' 

I asked whether Simon Cowell knew about this, or whether receiving a box of live ants through the post would come as a surprise to him. 'I'll give him a call in a minute to arrange a contract and royalties,' W replied. 

So much for the talented ants, but what about the inept, dumb ants? 

'Oh I'll eat those, naturally!' W assured me.