THIS IS NOT AN ANTEATER

The package from Arnold has been opened, the termites tasted (and pronounced to be 'Totes Delicious') and Wilson and Byron are now in the Vermilingua Contemporary hanging the painting on loan from Arnold.

After it had been hung and lit, Wilson stared at it for a few minutes, then mused aloud to himself, 'I wonder why it's called "This is NOT an anteater" when it's obvious to anyone with eyes that it IS an anteater?'

Byron patiently explained that it was a surrealist work, after a painting by the famous Belgian artist René Magritte.

'Yes,' Wilson interrupted, 'but why is it called "This is NOT an anteater" when it IS?'

'Well, think about it,' Byron continued, 'is it an anteater… or is it a painting of an anteater?'

STOP PRESS: Wilson learned yesterday that Arnold has suffered a serious tail-related injury – our thoughts are with him at this difficult time 😢👩‍⚕️❤️

_________

Visit Arnold here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CCjOIfNBC74/

or search for the.gourmet.anteater

SPECIAL DELIVERY

A parcel has been delivered from America!

 

Pterry (the only person who has no idea what's inside) is extremely excited, jumping up and down on it and shouting, 'What is it, Mummy? What's inside? Is it a present? Is it for me?' and so on.

 

To save you worrying about it until Saturday, and to reduce the levels of tension and stress in the world, I will reveal now that the package probably contains a painting on loan from Wilson's friend Arnold* and with any luck some more sample termites for Wilson and Byron to taste-test!

_____

Reminder – there will be no post tomorrow, but normal service will be resumed on Saturday 🤞

*Arnold – IG: the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

 

TERMITE MARKETING BOARD

Wilson has received a telephone call.

He initially thought it was from the Termite Marketing Board, calling to commend him on his advertising!

 

Unfortunately, it actually was from the Association of Termite and Pest Exterminators, demanding to know, as they put it, What on earth he thought he was doing *selling* termites?'

 

Wilson was caught off guard for a moment but deftly turned the conversation to his advantage by talking about Green Conservation and the Web of Life.

 

Eventually he even sold them a couple of tins – the exterminators intend to sprinkle a few termites around the homes of prospective customers to drum up business! 

 

Not very ethical, perhaps, but this is a fledgeling business...

_____

ADVANCE WARNING – tomorrow's post will be later than usual and there will be no post on Friday. ☹️

Normal service will be resumed on Saturday 🤞

 

 

TERMITES ARE GO!

Last night Wilson got the go-ahead from Arnold* to proceed with the latest design!

 

Following a very early start, the billboard posters are now ready (and the printer is completely out of ink) and the first Park Ants by Arnold poster is in place.

 

Wilson, Byron and Nërp are standing round discussing it, generally admiring their handiwork and wondering how long it will be before orders start pouring in and they're all joint millionaires…

 

I hope they're not holding their breath for that!

_____

*Arnold – IG: the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

AWAITING A DECISION

Wilson is on tenterhooks awaiting a decision from Arnold about the revised

Tinned Termites packaging design.

 

He's especially anxious because he has already designed the poster advertising and booked several billboards to put them on.

 

I hope he hasn't paid for these in advance! 

 

I'll find out soon enough when my Visa bill arrives…

 

He's passing the time by watching old episodes of detective show VERA with Antony and drinking more coffee than is really good for him.

 

In normal times he'd be drinking Ant Gin, but he wants to keep a clear head in case Arnold wants another Zoom Conference to discuss things!

 

 

CLIENT PRESENTATION

In light of feedback from his Focus Group, Wilson has completely redesigned the packaging for the Tinned Termites.

 

Today he is making a Client Presentation of the revised design to Arnold*.

 

He's quite nervous and really hoping that Arnold likes it.

 

We'll have to wait and see: what with living in America, Arnold may not even be awake at the moment – it might be the middle of the night there!

_____

*Arnold – IG: the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

 

Ant Wars 2: MARKET RESEARCH

Yesterday I suggested to Wilson that perhaps he should do some Market Research about the design of the packaging for his and Arnold's Tinned Termites project.

 

He took my suggestion surprisingly well, and this morning he made a presentation to what he calls his Focus Group – and discovered that the termite image on his Tinned Termites design was not universally popular.

 

While he and Byron agreed that the termites on the tin looked 'well succulent' some of the others disagreed.

 

Even those with the most catholic of tastes found the image – particularly the wings – 'a bit yucky…'

 

Still, that's the whole point of Focus Groups and Market Research: to find out what people *really* think.

 

Consequently, the can has been redesigned, with less emphasis on the food itself, more on its nourishing qualities and allegedly delicious taste…

 

I think it looks much better now – although I wouldn't want to eat it – or even touch the tin, actually…

 

You can see it tomorrow when Wilson makes his Client Presentation to Arnold!

 

 

TERMITE PACKAGING

With the opening event at the gallery now behind him, Wilson has turned his thoughts to designing the packaging for his friend Arnold's* Termite business.

 

Here he is discussing his first dummy can with Marketing Manager Antony, before he adds the text – what do you think?

 

I think it looks perfectly vile, but then, I'm not a great lover of insects.

 

Except for Bumble Bees – I think they're great, and I'm only sorry they're having such a tough time recently…

 

I might have a quiet word with the boys about doing a bit of Market Research…

______

 

*Arnold – IG: the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP

No visit to any attraction managed by Wilson would be complete without a visit to the Gift Shop.

 

Here you can purchase many beautiful souvenirs of your visit to The Vermilingua Contemporary and Byron's Retrospective show, including: charming decorative Memphis-style rocking anteater ornaments and delightful Souvenir Paint Remover!

 

Please be aware that cashier Uncle Zoltan is finding the new Fisher-Price Contactless Card Reader a bit confusing, which is making him quite… testy. 

 

Not to put too fine a point on it, he is irascible, ill-tempered and short-fused – to be frank, he's got a stinger and he knows how to use it, so please don't argue with him about, well, anything really!

 

This sadly concludes your visit to the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery and your viewing of the Byron Vermilingua Retrospective Exhibition – Wilson and Byron hope you have enjoyed your time here and will spend liberally on souvenirs to commemorate your tour of the gallery.

 

Although this is the final day of the current show, in his untiring and tenacious efforts to meet your ongoing artistic needs Wilson has negotiated the loan of an 'extremely famous' painting from an American gallery. He'll show it to you as soon as it arrives and has been safely hung.

 

Today: he is trying to obtain a cheap deal on insuring its passage across the Atlantic…

 

Tomorrow: something completely different!

 

 

ARTIST AT WORK: GESTURAL ABSTRACTION

Here, at last, is the day you've possibly been waiting for: the day when Byron demonstrates the art of Gestural Abstraction.

 

GA (aka Action Painting) can get a bit messy, so I hope you heeded yesterday's warning about not wearing your best clothes!

 

Of course, if you are at all nervous about this you could always hire an umbrella or buy a disposable protective poncho in the Gift Shop.

 

Byron is in the middle of the gallery channelling Norman Bluhm or Jackson Pollock at their chaotic messiest – he stands in a maelstrom of paint, covered in multicoloured smudges and splashes, while behind him hangs a work he completed earlier.

 

Please don't touch this as the paint is still wet – it will be available for purchase once it has dried out!

 

If you do happen to get some paint on your clothes, feel free to avail yourself of a bottle of Souvenir Paint Remover from the Gift Shop.

 

Ant Wars 2: RETROSPECTIVE DAY 4: ABSTRACT MINIMALISM

Here you can see Nërp answering a visitor's questions about Abstract Minimalism and the artist.

Nërp answered all the young lady's questions in a professional and erudite manner although… well, if I didn't know better I'd swear he was flirting with her!

When I think of all the useful modules Nërp doesn't have installed, yet he does have this one! 🙄

Tomorrow, the final day of Byron's Retrospective Show, we have something quite special for you – Byron will be giving a demonstration of Gestural Abstract Painting!

This promises to be very interesting and exciting, although he has asked me to warn you against wearing your best clothes…

RETROSPECTIVE DAY 3: COLOUR FIELD PAINTING

Today the Bees are in charge of supervising visitors.

 

The Bees are famous for not knowing much about art, but knowing what they don't like… and they don't like anything which isn't a Nice Painting of Flowers, so I wouldn't ask them anything about Colour Field Painting.

 

On the other hand, if you feel a bit faint or are in need of some first aid or TLC, they are the ideal supervisors!

 

Tomorrow's Abstract Minimalism event will be supervised by Nërp, who knows almost everything about almost everything, and what he doesn't know he'll Google in real time.

 

Of course, Uncle Zoltan thinks of himself as the undisputed world expert on modern art and everything else… although no one has ever seen any evidence of this whatsoever – which is why he's safely confined to the Gift Shop.

 

Speaking of Uncle Zoltan, when you get to the Gift Shop please don't argue with him – he's not very happy working there and is quite keen to demonstrate his Stinger.

 

You have been warned…

 

 

RETROSPECTIVE DAY 2: ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM

Wilson, in full protective snoutmask, supervises a visitor as he admires one of Byron's paintings.

 

Speaking of protective measures, several of you have questioned the requirement to 'sterilise your eyes' between exhibits.

 

I've spoken to Wilson about this, and it's not as bad as it sounds – all you are asked to do is close your eyes for a few seconds to clear the mind between one painting and the next. 

 

It's an Aesthetic Sterilisation rather than anything to do with infection control and was apparently included on the list in error… which I am extremely relieved to hear!

 

Tomorrow: Colour Field Painting – so there's something to look forward to… or not. 

 

Visitor Supervision will be provided by Polly and Billi, so you'll be in safe (if not terribly knowledgable) hands. Tarsi.

 

 

RETROSPECTIVE OPENS: NEON

Ant Wars 2: RETROSPECTIVE OPENS: NEON

Today the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery has re-opened, albeit under stringent infection-control conditions.

 

The opening show is Byron Vermilingua's Retrospective, and I'm very excited to see what he's been up to in the workshop.

 

As today happens to be my birthday, Wilson generously waived the admission fee for me, while warning me not to expect that to be a regular concession!

 

The first piece is a large creation in Neon, which Byron says is 'Influenced by Tracey Emin's neon works… though not as rude as Bruce Nauman's or Fiona Banner's'.

 

Beneath a large neon anteater the text reads, 'I never asked to be born an anteater'.

 

For Wilson, seeing the work for the first time, this came as a deeply shocking revelation – he has always thought he'd won life's lottery by being born an anteater, and he had never considered that anyone would think otherwise.

 

'Is this true, Bro?' he demanded 'You don't love being a member of the proud order Tamandua Tetradactyla?'

 

Byron replied, 'Of course I do, Bro… but an artist needs a measure of angst, something to rebel against. I need to be an iconoclast, a maverick – I need to say challenging, dissenting and sometimes unpopular things! That's my job…' 

 

After a moment he added, 'I still love you, Man!'

 

 

CONDITIONS OF ENTRY

Just to avoid any surprise at the stringency of Wilson's C-19 precautions, he would like to explain the conditions under which you may enter the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery when it reopens tomorrow:

• Face masks must be worn at all times

• Only one visitor at a time is allowed in the gallery

• Hand/Paw Sanitising Gel must be used before entering

• Do not touch, lick or smell the exhibits

• Do not come within 2m of the exhibits

• Gallery Staff will be present to supervise visitors

• Visitors must sterilise their eyes between looking at different exhibits

• Only contactless payment will be accepted for admission and in the Gift Shop

So apart from that, you're free to do as you like – enjoy!

 

 

FREE GIFTS FOR FRIENDS

Wilson's little Art Gallery, the Vermilingua Contemporary, will be opening in a couple of days time.

 

To thank you for your patience and loyalty, he has prepared a little Welcome Pack for his closest friends.

 

This comprises a Complimentary Admission Ticket* a pin badge proclaiming 'I've been to the Vermilingua Contemporary' and a Voucher for a Half-Price bottle of Souvenir Paint Remover if you attend Byron's planned demonstration of Gestural Abstraction Painting – he says it 'might' get a 'tiny bit' messy…

_____

 

*complementary ticket has no cash value and is not to be put up on eBay.

 

BEES' BLOG – A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte

Ant Wars 2: BEES' BLOG

Hello, we are Polly and Billi the Bees and this is our Guest Blog!

 

We've been chatting with Wilson's pen friend Arnold (IG: the.gourmet.anteater) and he said that re-creating classic paintings was all the rage now.

 

We are not great art-lovers, but we are very fashionable and we don't want to miss out on a new trend so we thought we'd give it a try!

 

We've chosen A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte because it's an opportunity to get out of lockdown and into the fresh air – we took our two children with us and had a lovely picnic in the sunshine!

 

Once it was done we took the children to see the finished picture, and they both thought it was very nice.

 

Actually it was quite good fun, so we're thinking about doing something similar for our next Blog in August!

So, we've been the Bees and we'll see you again next month – until then, BEEEEEEEEEEEE GOOD, Art Lovers!