Unless you've been living under a rock without radio, tv or internet access you are doubtless aware of Matt Lucas' NHS Charity Record 'Thank You Baked Potato' – in fact you've probably got it firmly stuck in your head right now.
Just like I have…
Anyway, to raise money for the NHS Wilson is in his library recording a cover version:
🎶 Wash your hands and stay indoors
Thank you Baked Potato
Only go to grocery stores
Thank you Baked Potato 🎶
🎶 If you want to have a better day
Keep some distance! Make some space!
Thank you Baked Potato
Remember not to touch your face
Thank you Baked Potato 🎶
🎶 And if you want to have a better day
You must listen to what the Baked Potato say! 🎶
Antony is providing accompaniment on Stylophone®™ while TT is helpfully keeping out of trouble by sleeping.
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You can hear Matt Lucas' original here: https://uk.news.yahoo.com/matt-lucas-baked-potato-nhs-094035836.html
A few days ago I listed TEN ALBUMS THAT IMPACTED MY LIFE on Facebook.
Once I'd posted a lot of Dylan, Cohen and Mitchell, I put up a Talking Heads album.
Wilson had never before heard of Talking Heads, but since then he's been playing them almost constantly on Alexa, and he says that one day he'd really like to be in a New Wave avant-garde rock band like Talking Heads… hence today's picture.
Also, the family is once again supporting Fridays For The Future!
Wilson is determined that the Coronavirus Lockdown should not turn Uckfield into what he calls a Cultural Dessert so he has arranged for me to take a photograph of his new acquisition for the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery in order that you may see it.
I grabbed my camera and we made our way to the gallery while Wilson explained that he'd had to see off a lot of competition to secure this piece, adding 'This is an iconic work by a V. famous American minimalist artist!'
Entering the exhibition space he continued, 'You are about to see a radical and pioneering work by John McCracken – this is a real coup for the VC Gallery!'
He held out his paw and I handed over my admission fee – I really wish he'd introduce an Annual Pass scheme as these repeated visits are costing me a fortune!
As we walked into the exhibition space it was difficult not to notice Byron on his knees painting a plank of wood which had been leant against the wall.
'Biro!' Wilson addressed him sharply: 'I thought you'd have finished that by now!'
'Sorry, Bro,' Byron replied, 'The paint fumes started to make me feel a bit dizzy, and I had to…'
'This is no time for you to be Getting High' Wilson replied tartly, 'We have a paying visitor!'
Turning to me, Wilson announced, 'This… magnificent piece is the legendary Untitled by John McCracken. You are very lucky to be able to see the actual installation process – that's not usually open for public viewing! Would an extra £5 be acceptable?'
As a change from his recent Old Master Recreations, today Wilson seeks to distract you with a Musical Re-enactment.
Having come across a saxophone which was once an exhibit in his Museum, he claims to be channeling sax jazz virtuoso Charlie 'Bird' Parker playing the classic 'Blues for Alice.'
It's an interesting interpretation, performed as it is by someone who has obviously never heard the original.
Wilson has also never played the saxophone before – and it shows – but what he lacks in experience and skill he is making up for in enthusiasm.
And volume.
He did later admit to me that saxophoning was 'a bit' harder than it looked.
I can only apologise for this happening during the Great Paracetamol Shortage…
Following yesterday's Drinking Marathon, Wilson and Byron are today doing something a bit more active, constructive and fun – they're playing in the sunshine in the garden and building a ZipWire, not for themselves (thank goodness!) but for their little plush toys.
Antony looks on anxiously after his precious Tiny Toy was volunteered to be the test-pilot (it's probably TT's own fault for being asleep when the vote was taken) and the bees Polly and Billi have donned their Hallowe'en Nurses Uniforms in case of accident.
Uncle Zoltan, meanwhile, paces up and down on his little balcony threatening legal action if any damage is caused to his Hive…
Wilson claims that this is a 'Good sound strategy to pass the time during lockdown!' and suggests you print it out and stick it on your fridge or cocktail cabinet.
For myself, I'm not quite sure how healthy his advice is – although I admit it does help to while away the time… especially if you include how long it takes to pick out all the ants.
I'll see if I can't persuade him to do something a bit more, well... active tomorrow.
Something more appropriate for a young anteater…
What with all the shopping restrictions in place, I have been unable to buy Wilson or Byron an Easter Egg this year.
The best I could manage was a slightly past its best-by date packet of Chocolate Buttons left over from Xmas, and an apology.
First they shared the Buttons, then headed once more for the dressing-up box.
Today they have re-created another classic Old Master, this time the 1878 English Civil War painting 'When Did You Last See Your Father' by William Frederick Yeames RA.
Since his visit to the Turner Contemporary Gallery last year – and opening his own little Modern Art Gallery in the back garden – Wilson's interest extends only to late 20th Century Art. He says that he finds the Old Masters 'cleverly done, but irrelevant and a bit boring'… but these re-creations do afford him and Byron the opportunity to dress up and mess about together!
Ooh! I've just discovered a bar of Fruit 'n' Nut down the back of the sofa – it's a bit melted, but I'm sure the lads won't mind…
It's a long time since I read the original book, The Velveteen Rabbit, and I remember very little about it other than it was immensely harrowing – I recall being traumatised by the melancholy, heartbreaking, ineffable sadness of the story.
It was even more traumatic than when Christopher Robin left Pooh and Piglet and everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood to go to school…
I told Wilson I was sure his latest book was lovely, but I'd really rather not read it… or look at the pictures…or hear anything more about it.
Actually, I've got a big lump in my throat right now just from thinking about it, bringing to mind as it does many sad memories…
He took this news very well, saying that it was indeed unendurably melancholy, and confessed that he couldn't bear to look inside it himself!
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Here is a wonderful reimagining of The Velveteen Rabbit by Japanese artist Komako Sakai:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/02/23/the-velveteen-rabbit-komako-sakai/
and a page that ponders exactly why the book makes us cry:
https://www.dismantlemag.com/2017/07/30/why-does-velveteen-rabbit-make-us-cry/
Give your eye-holes a treat!
Here, for your looking pleasure, Wilson has once again raided the dressing-up box – this time to bring you his re-creation of: Gainsborough's masterpiece Blue Anteater.
Enjoy.
Or not – your choice, really...
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Wilson is delighted to report that he has just topped 72,000 hits on his Blog!
72,000 people can't be wrong – tell your friends to head over there and take a look!
https://antwars2.blogspot.com/
A letter has arrived addressed to Wilson and Byron.
They tore it open to find it was from their mum, Mrs Vermilingua, at the Zoo.
Wilson's face fell a little, as missives from Mrs V are usually little more than massive guilt-trips about him not keeping in touch, but this was quite upbeat, relating how things have changed at the zoo.
Byron read the letter aloud to Wilson, who sat anxiously awaiting the sting in the tail…
Now that the country is in lock-down (Mrs V wrote) the zoo has been forced to close, so there are no visitors filing past peering nosily into the anteater enclosure.
This suits Mrs V just fine, as she is not really a people sort of anteater and deeply resents the gawping tourists traipsing past her living room while she's trying to give birth or have a quiet Ant Gin… or seven.
The closure of the zoo has put her in a pretty good mood, so this was for once quite a positive and cheerful communiqué – much to both boys' surprise…
Being completely unfamiliar with this story, I asked Wilson to give me a brief plot summary.
The story apparently centres around Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert – elderly unmarried siblings who live on their ancestral farm, Green Gables, in Canada. Matthew is sixty, and since he is getting too old to handle the farm work on his own, the Cuthberts decide to adopt an orphan boy to help him.
Matthew, who suffers from Pilosaphobia (an irrational fear of anteaters) arrives at the train station and finds an orphan anteater instead of a boy, the orphanage having sent the eleven-year-old Wilson by mistake.
Wilson's charming nature and enthusiasm eventually charm Matthew, who shyly tells Marilla that he wants to keep him.
Marilla hesitates at first but, after a trial period, she agrees to let Wilson stay on.
At this point I stopped W and enquired, 'Does young Wilson inherit the estate, turn it into a fantastically successful Ant Farm or Ant-based Snack Processing Plant and become a Millionaire?'
Wilson gazed at me in amazement for several seconds before demanding, 'Are you certain you haven't already read this book, New Dad?'
Wilson and Byron have finished their Rainbow Trail drawings and put them up in the front window to bring cheer to passers-by.
There was inevitably a little bit of rivalry over who had done the better picture, but they both realised that this was a community activity, and sibling rivalry was not really appropriate in the circumstances.
I think their drawings look very bright and cheerful – I hope any passing children like them and they will bring a little happiness to a worried world…
After several weeks in Social Isolation, AKA LockDown, Wilson is starting to get Cabin Fever.
So with reluctance, having extracted a solemn oath to stay at least 2m away from all humans, and with Nërp to keep a strict eye on them both, I've allowed him and Byron to venture into the front garden to install what W calls his 'Dosh-o-meter'.
It's one of those giant fund-raising thermometers that track how much money has been raised – usually for a Church Roof or something similar, but in this case for Wilson's Personal Fortune – which currently stands at exactly £0.00.
The loss of income caused by the temporary closure of the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery is weighing heavily on his mind, and he's determined to raise some cash… by almost any means.
You can apparently throw your loose change or unwanted paper money into the collecting bucket, or if you prefer Wilson is now accepting Contactless Payments up to the new limit of £45!
The boys are going a bit Stir Crazy, so in an effort to distract them I've suggested making a couple of Rainbow Trail drawings for the front windows.
This seems to be occupying much of the family – while Wilson and Byron are drawing and colouring, Nërp is on hand to give technical artistic advice, Antony is passing the crayons to whoever needs them and Tiny Toy is filling the vital and indispensable role of Paperweight!
HuffPost described the Rainbow Trail like this:
Whatever the weather, be sure to look out for a rainbow on your government-sanctioned walk, run or cycle today.
Families across the UK have been creating these gloriously technicolour artworks for their windows or driveways to lift the spirits of those passing by.
The trend appears to have been started by a group of mums in Bari, Italy, but Kezia Roberts, 42, from Horsforth, Leeds, was one of the first to bring this cheery idea to the UK which she has called ‘Chase the Rainbow’.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar is another book with which I am very familiar from when my children were young.
The main feature of the original book are the big holes in the pages supposedly eaten by the eponymous caterpillar; the characteristic trait of Wilson's reworking is sticky brownish smears on the pages, representing ants which the Hungry Anteater has (rather messily) eaten.
Wilson was proud to point out that the smudges have the characteristic smell of ants: formaldehyde.
I must check with him whether formaldehyde-infused books are actually safe for young readers to handle…
Wilson's been in the Dressing-Up Box again, recreating old master paintings...
After The Anteater With The Pearl Earring (which someone unkindly said made him look like his big sister Andrea) he confessed he fancied trying something a bit more macho: Frans Hals' The Laughing Anteater.
Hi, we are 🐝 Polly and 🐝 Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog!
After all the cold, wet weather we've been having lately we'd been looking forward to a nice day out with our family – perhaps a picnic in the garden among the dandelions – but Wilson has offered to briefly re-open his Art Gallery and give us a reduced-price group booking to have a quick look round, and we didn't like to refuse.
Generally speaking, we Bees don't know a lot about Art, but we do know what we like.
Also, what we DON'T like.
What we like is: nice paintings of flowers.
What we don't like is: Abstract, Conceptual, Installation, Minimalist, Surreal and 'Difficult' Art in general.
Oh and Dada – we don't like Dada-ist Art at all, so we're really not expecting to like anything in Wilson's Art Gallery.
Although as Bees, we are FAR too polite to say so – and it will be a day out for our children Johnson Major and Johnson Minor – so we're just going to keep our mandibles shut, bite our probosces and keep smiling if we see something we don't like, because that's The Bee Way!
So, we've been The Bees and we'll see you again next month!
Until then, BEEEEEEEEEEEE GOOD, Art Lovers.
Stay indoors and keep washing your Tarsi!
Wilson is getting bored and has raided the Dressing-Up Box...
Jīqìrén this morning presented Wilson with her Architect's Sketch for the renovation of his Asteroid Shelter.
It was very impressive, showing a beautifully furnished area many times larger than the current structure.
There's no doubt that Wilson was impressed, asking many probing questions about various details.
Finally, he asked the crucial question. 'Have you costed this?'
'I think you could bring it in for a couple of hundred K, if you didn't go overboard with the air recycling and wall art,' she replied.
Wilson was aghast! 'A couple of hundred K?' he demanded, 'What, two hundred thousand English pounds?'
'Pounds sterling, obviously. Plus VAT,' the android replied, adding, 'It would sound a lot more in Yen!'
Wilson shuffled his feet awkwardly and cleared his throat a few times before finally asking, 'Do you think we could do anything for about, um… well, £25?
Jīqìrén silently closed her sketchbook and walked away, while Wilson poured himself his first Quarantini of the day…
