MINI BAR

After dinner, we spent our last evening here quietly in our room.

I watched the Big Wheel slowly turning just outside our window, occasionally waving to the curious passengers staring in at us, while Wilson lay on the bed composing his Trip Advisor review of the Cheddar Gorge Bus Tour and researching his new invention, the Ant-Identifying Pencil.

He also researched the contents of the Mini-Bar. Quite thoroughly.

After a couple of Mini Gins with Ants, he admitted that he felt a bit guilty about what happened in the local TESCO Supermarket before we came away, but he had a plan to make it up to them.

He wouldn't tell me what this plan was — so I just hope it doesn't make things worse.

Tomorrow we're going to another great attraction, before we head for home...

LAMBRETTA MUSEUM

In the 1960s, although I had a few "Rocker" friends,  I was of the Mod persuasion.

With NATO Parka, high-crowned Pork-Pie Hat, Desert Boots and Lambretta scooter, I was there when The Who played Brighton Aquarium!

Imagine my delight, then, when I learned that Weston-super-Mare is home to The Lambretta Museum! I believe it's the ONLY Lambretta Museum in the world!

There was an embarrassing incident where Wilson was under the misapprehension that this was a Lambretta SHOP, and we had gone there so I could buy him a scooter...

TOUR GUIDE

Before too long the driver arrived and started the bus engine, the tour guide climbed up the stairs and introduced himself, and we set off up the Gorge!

The tour was very interesting — including as it did many fascinating facts about the gorge, the caves and their history — although it was much briefer than we had anticipated!

As we left the bus, Wilson whispered to me that Trip Advisor would be hearing about the tour's brevity! 

Then he asked me whether the Tour Guide had been Cheddar George...

While we're out and about, we're going to visit an attraction which Wilson may not find quite so interesting, but which I've been looking forward to. 

It's back in Weston, and there's just time to fit it in before dinner tonight...

BUS TOUR

Our Cheddar Caves Tickets included a trip on the Cheddar Gorge Tour Bus, so we made our way down to the foot of the Gorge to board it.

While waiting for the Driver and Tour Guide to arrive, Wilson was playing with his Cheddar Caves Souvenir Pencil when he had a 'Totes amazing' idea which is apparently a 'Complete game-changer'. 

Moreover, he's had this idea in time to catch the 'Lucrative Xmas Stocking-Filler Market!'

He eventually revealed that this unique and astounding idea is: The Ant-Identifying Pencil but insisted I didn't tell ANYONE – so I'm relying on your absolute discretion here!

Hmmm. Excuse me if I sound a tad underwhelmed, but I've heard about quite a few of W's game-changing ideas in the past...

😕

EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP

Leaving the Caves, we made our way into the inevitable Gift and Souvenir Shop where, although very tempted by Cuddly Dinosaurs, W eventually bought some sweets and a Cheddar Caves Souvenir Pencil.

I've noticed that Wilson has now started calling our holiday base Weston-super-Meerkat, and once we'd left the shop he complained that he hasn't seen any meerkats... just like he never saw any canaries in the Canary Islands. 

I'd try to explain, but really, what's the point?

I SEE DEAD PEOPLE

Wilson did indeed love the caves... until we came to a human skeleton, which made him a tiny bit nervous.

The skeleton was actually a replica, representing the real one found on the site when it was excavated in 1903. 

The male remains dated from the Mesolithic Era (around 7150BCE), and met a violent end, although the circumstances of his death are still unknown. 

The original (Britain's oldest complete human skeleton) is now in London's Natural History Museum — don't say this stuff isn't educational!

As we left the caves, Wilson asked, 'So, when are we going to meet this George bloke? I hope he wasn't that skeleton!'

ExCel Centre London

Hello, we are The Bees, Polly and Billi, and this is our Guest Blog!

Today we have something a bit special for you, as we've flown up to London's ExCel Centre to see a series of lectures called 'The World's Most Amazing Animal' which is all about – Honey Bees! Yay!

We've brought our children, Johnson Major and Johnson Minor, with us so they can learn about their Wonderful Bee Heritage!

Anyway, we'd better go now so we can be sure of getting some good seats, nice and near the stage!

We've been The Bees, and we're very excited! 

We'll see you again next month, so until then: BEEEEEEEE GOOD!

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

SEPTEMBER 2017

In spite of being very busy having fun on holiday, Wilson has just managed to complete this, the latest addition to his FREE 2017 CALENDAR PARTWORK.

Allow me to present for your pleasure and delectation: 
SEPTEMBER 2017!

 

CHEDDAR GORGE

...or as Wilson insists on calling it, Cheddar George.

'Who is this Cheddar George then?' he asked me, 'Is he some kind of Cheese Expert?'

In fact, Cheddar Gorge is a limestone ravine in the Mendip Hills, famous not only for its cheese but also its caves (where the cheese is still stored and matured). 

As a great Tunnel Enthusiast, I think W will love the Caves. 

And the Gift Shops.

And the Cafés.

At the entrance to the caves there were a number of ticket choices available – Wilson, unsurprisingly, chose the option which not only admitted us to all the caves but also included free coffee and cake in the Restaurant, and a trip on the Cheddar Gorge Tour Bus.

DONKEY RIDE

Wilson, although reassured that we would not be attending The Wurzels concert, complained that he already had I've Got A Brand-New Combine Harvester firmly stuck in his head, and it was, as he picturesquely put it, totes doing his nut in!

Some distraction was obviously required, and soon! Fortuitously he happened to spot Donkey Rides taking place on the sand not far away.

I hope by the time he returns and has had a chat with his steed, the Wurzels Ear-Worm will be well and truly banished.

Although... I seem to be stuck with it now!

THE WURZELS

Strolling along the Prom we came across a poster advertising an appearance by "Scrumpy & Western" band The Wurzels.

It seems that they are TT's favourite band in the whole world, and he – supported by Antony – is arguing strongly that we should go to one of their concerts on the Pier. 

Wilson's – whose tastes tend more to Cohen and Dylan – is making a strong counter-argument that The Wurzels are 'Bucolic bumpkins singing ear-wormy songs with facile lyrics' who should be avoided at all costs. 

Both arguments, however, turned out to be pointless, as closer examination of the poster revealed that The Wurzel's appearances had been in July.
_____

Wilson has received a further Text from The Bees pointing out that a Family Ticket to the The World's Most Amazing Animal Lectures costs 'only' £60.

I ask Wilson to reply suggesting that they just fly in without paying. 

Who knows – as honeybees, at a lecture about honeybees, they might be welcomed as Guests of Honour!

THE WORLD'S MOST AMAZING ANIMAL

I tried to steer the conversation away from dead bodies, but TT was in full flow about the history of film.

'Of course,' he continued, 'the 1953 House of Wax was only a remake of the original Warner Brothers' 1933 flick, Mystery of the Wax Museum which starred Miss Fay Wray as the...'

He was interrupted by the arrival of a Text from The Bees. Wilson opened the message and frowned, then held out his phone to me. 

It appears that Honey Bees have been declared The World's Most Amazing Animal, and an lecture is being given about them at the ExCel Centre in London.

Polly and Billi want to attend, taking their two adopted children with them so they can 'learn about their rich and wonderful heritage'. Their children, Johnson Major and Johnson Minor, are actually ladybirds, but everyone is too nervous to ever mention this because, well... bees.

Anyway, the purpose of their message was to ask Wilson to buy lecture tickets on-line for the four of them on his (ie my) VISA Card.

Adult tickets are £26 and Child tickets £15, so it's going to cost £82 for the four of them – always assuming they don't insist on the VIP EXPERIENCE tickets at £50 each!

I think Wilson was a bit miffed to find that Anteaters were not voted the World's Most Amazing Animal...
____________

Click this link to learn about the lectures: https://tinyurl.com/y9wl4lae

HOUSE OF WAX

Heading into the sand pit at the end of the exhibition, everyone decided to recreate the brilliant Drum Kit sculpture we'd just admired... but found it much more difficult than they expected.

Wilson quickly decided that the sand in the sand pit was 'obviously faulty' to make sand sculpting look harder than it really is, but Antony disagreed.

Explaining his ingenious theory, Antony said that the only way to make a sand sculpture of something as complex as a drum kit would be to take a real drum kit, and glue sand all over it.

Tiny Toy (who had buried himself in the sand for reasons unknown) stuck his head out and added, 'That's exactly what happened in the 1953 3D Horror Film House of Wax! The mad sculptor, Professor Jarrod, murdered people, covered them with wax, and put them in his Wax Museum – so you're probably right.'

After a moment's thought, Wilson concluded, 'So all the sand sculptures of people have probably got a dead body insi...'

At this point I quickly gathered everyone up and took them outside for an ice cream.

 Here's a little something for you to send to all your friends!

DRUM KIT

On entering the Sand Sculpture Festival enclosure, the first thing everyone commented on was how HUGE the sculptures were... and how none of them were sand CASTLES!

Instead, there were sand people, sand animals, sand nursery-rhyme scenes, sand almost-anything-you-could-think-of.

Opinion as to which sculpture was 'Best' were divided, but everyone agreed that the little piglets feeding on their mummy was very funny (although arguably a bit rude for TT's young eyes) and that the Drum Kit was fabulous.

There was a suggestions box where visitors could suggest subjects for next year's Festival (guess what Wilson suggested!) and a sand pit where younger visitors could hone their sand-sculpting skills. 

I think that's where we'll be heading next.

SAND SCULPTURE FESTIVAL

Following the excitement of last night's Indoor Sand Castle Building, over breakfast everyone voted to visit the Weston-super-Mare Sand Castle Festival.

They all formed an orderly queue at the entrance, and the atmosphere of excitement and anticipation was almost palpable. 

Almost as palpable as the sand blowing in the wind — is it never calm here?

INDOOR SANDCASTLES

Although our visit to the beach had been brief, it was very windy, and a lot of sand had become trapped in Wilson's fur.

When we returned to our hotel room, he shook out a considerable amount of very fine sand onto the carpet.

'There's enough of this stuff to build a sand castle, New Dad!' he remarked, adding, 'I'm beginning to wish I hadn't left Antony and TT at home now...'

I slowly withdrew the aforementioned soft toys from my pocket. W's face lit up with pleasure, and soon they were all happily occupied building sand castles on the floor. 

I'm just a bit worried about what the Chamber Maid will make of all this mess in the morning. I expect they're used to it, but we'd better leave a good Tip all the same.

Before we settled down for the night, Wilson received a WhatsApp message from The Bees, reminding him that it was now exactly six months since Uncle Zoltan disappeared, and asking us both to keep a look out for him...

SANDSTORM

As we left the pier, I mentioned to Wilson that I hoped his visit hadn't been spoiled by the aggressive and persistent seagull.

'Oh, no!' he replied, 'He was funny — he reminded me a lot of Uncle Zoltan...'

He reflected for a few moments before adding, 'Apart from the small of Dead Fish, of course... uncle Z smells much worse!'

We strolled along the beach for a bit but, while warm and sunny, it was very windy and the extremely fine sand was being whipped across the beach. 

W complained that so much sand was getting caught in his fur that it was becoming difficult to walk, so we decided to return to our hotel to fortify ourselves in the Bar.

ANGRY BIRD

As we prepared to leave the pier, Wilson noticed one more Photo Opportunity he was not prepared to miss: a Funny Policeman with a cut-out for his face. He clambered up and inserted his head into the hole, while I took his photograph. 

Just before I clicked the shutter, Andrew the Seagull arrived and started shouting at W.

'Oh, you're off to your warm hotel room now are you, Soft Boy? Well, I don't need you — look, I've got my dinner here, a big cone of delicious chips* I've just pinched from a little girl!'

He swooped towards W's face, squawking, 'I never liked you anyway, you were only ev — oh #!#%&!'

The bird swore loudly as his meal slipped from his grasp and fell to the deck. 

Shamelessly, he continued, 'Um, would you like to help me pick my dinner up?'

As we made a dignified exit from the pier, Wilson remarked softly to me, 'Karma in action!'
______

*French Fries

BOB THE BUILDER

It's beginning to feel as  though we've been on Weston's Grand Pier for weeks, but Wilson's enthusiasm shows no sign of flagging!

Next on his To-Do list was the Bob The Builder ride. He climbed in, inserted his £1 coin and as the little digger began rocking he sang along to the Bob the Builder theme song: '🎶 Bob the Builder — Can we fix it? YES WE CAN! 🎶'

Andrew the Seagull, meanwhile, fluttered up onto the ride's roof and squawked down through the windshield: 'Come on – let me on the ride! I don't take up much space! You are SO MEAN!' etc.

He seemed to overlook the fact that he was on the ride (albeit on the roof) and enjoying all its benefits both musical and locomotive.

Wilson exhibited admirable sangfroid by totally ignored him, carrying on singing until the ride ended, when he climbed out and mused aloud, 'Right – what's next?'

SELFIE SPOT

In my blissful ignorance, I had always assumed that a 'Selfie' [Oxford Dictionaries' 'Word of the Year' for 2013] could be taken anywhere — but I was wrong.

There are apparently Designated Selfie Spots, and we came upon one such on Weston-super-Mare's Grand Pier.

Wilson insisted on being photographed there, obviously, in spite of it not being in an especially attractive setting. 

Andrew the Seagull also insisted on being included in Wilson's Selfie, saying it would be 'A touching souvenir of the time an Anteater generously shared his ice-cream with a Seagull.' 

W grudgingly agreed to let Andrew be included in the photo, but drew the line at sharing his 99 with a fish-eating bird whose oral hygiene standards were clearly open to doubt.

I'm wondering whether it's even a Selfie if someone else takes the picture, but not wishing to confuse matters any further I clicked the shutter, and here is the result: