The Anteater House

We soon found ourselves at the Anteater House; Wilson took a deep breath, composed himself for a moment and we entered… into total blackness!

After a couple of minutes our eyes started to adjust, and we could just make out a huge glass-fronted enclosure almost filling the room; inside, a pair of eyes peered back at us.

Wilson pressed himself against the glass and called, 'Hello?'

'You'll have to shout — he can't hear you through the glass,' a small, heavily-accented voice replied. Wilson crouched down and traced the voice to an armadillo on the floor. 

W then shouted, 'Hello? Is there anyone there?'

'¡Hola! ¡No vemos muchas de su clase aquí!'

'He says "Hello"' the armadillo translated.

Wilson glanced at me for a second, then shouted,'What's your name? What is it like here?'

The figure in the darkness replied, and the armadillo translated, '"My name is Barios! It's good here — the servants are good, we have Cable TV in Spanish, and there are many, many ants!"'

Wilson then asked the armadillo why it was so dark, and he said, 'The servants have decided everyone in here is nocturnal. We must get used to it, I suppose. We all carry little torches bought from the Gift Shop, and they help.'

Zoo Time!

The smell had pretty much worn off by the time we arrived at the zoo. Or perhaps my nose had just been stunned into numbness by it, because we got a lot of funny looks from other people in the queue to buy tickets.

Once inside Wilson lost no time in consulting his little map to see where the Anteaters lived. 

We headed straight there, not even pausing in the Restaurant or Gift Shop, which is very unusual for W…

A strange miasma descends…

I didn't have a great night last night — just after I'd dropped off Wilson decided he and his lads would like a bedtime story. They all spent a long time trying to wake me up, while I spent an equally long time pretending to still be asleep. 

Eventually, though, guilt got the better of me; I roused myself and staggered out of bed, only to find W, Antony and TT all sound asleep. 

I spent the rest of the night blaming myself for being a Bad Dad… 

Over a splendid breakfast, Wilson confessed that he'd been very tired last night. 'Yes,' I agree, 'you were as tired as a newt!'

Following a quick freshen-up in our room, we set off for the zoo, but there was a strange, overpowering smell in the car. I can only describe it as a mixture of Brut and Hai Karate, but much stronger. Perhaps it's one of Wilson's less successful Air Freshener experiments, although he said he couldn't smell anything.

We completed the trip with all the windows wound down...

Wilson gets very 'tired'

As I suspected, after a three-course meal with wine and a couple of gins, Wilson was 'too tired' to walk home and insisted on being carried. 

He was sound asleep throughout the walk back to the hotel and for the climb up to our room, and when I laid him gently on the bed I hoped he'd sleep peacefully until morning. He was woken, however, by plaintive (though muffled) calls of 'Are we nearly there yet?' coming from the brown paper bag.

He immediately sat bolt upright, grabbed the bag and tipped its contents out onto the bed — revealing Antony and TT, both looking quite fractious. 

I'm not sure that sugar is the best thing to give to over-excited soft toys, but W handed them a stick of rock, saying it would calm them down. 

The point of putting them in the brown paper bag in the first place had been to calm them down, but I suppose we could hardly have left them there until morning…

Dinner

There were many cafés, restaurants and pubs to choose from, and Wilson decided he'd like to eat at this lovely old cottage. 

Over dinner, once he'd finished re-arranging his cutlery, we discussed where we should go tomorrow; I wanted to show him The Needles, where there's a lighthouse, a boat trip, some wartime tunnels and a rocket-testing base. 

W, however, was keen to visit Amazon World Zoo Park, because they've got some anteaters there he wants to meet. 

We're going to the zoo park...

Another Best Shop Ever…

Just a few doors down the road from "The Rock Shop" we came across "Jingle Bells," an all-year Xmas shop. 

I will confess I've never seen the point of these; I have at no time felt the need to go Xmas Shopping in August — it's bad enough doing it in December!

Wilson, though — like most children a huge Xmas Enthusiast — declared that this was The Best Shop Ever!

'Does this mean "The Rock Shop" is no longer the best shop ever?' I asked him.

'Oh no,' he replied brightly, 'they're both the Best Shop In The World Ever... which makes Shanklin The Best Village In The World Ever!'

He inserted a claw in his ear, wiggled it around and withdrew a small ant, which he regarded thoughtfully, before adding, 'If we moved here, to Wight Island, I could get a Saturday Job here! My earnings would help with the housekeeping.'

'I think you'd spend all your earnings, on Rock and Xmas Stuff!' I answered, as he popped the ant into his mouth.

"The Best Shop Ever!"

We walked from the hotel into the pretty village of Shanklin — it only took ten minutes or so, but I've a feeling Wilson will want to be carried back! — and the very first shop we came across was "The Rock Shop." 

It was filled with Shanklin Rock of every imaginable flavour (except, as it turned out, Ant flavour) and all manner of other sweets and candy. 

We spent a long time in there, Wilson rooting through the displays and sniffing everything while I repeated to him the (pointless) mantra, 'You'll be having your dinner in a minute, so don't eat too much!'

Wilson declared that this was, without a shadow of doubt, the Best Shop Ever! 

He left with a huge bag of rock and other sweets, and a promise from me that we could visit the shop again before we leave. 

Sleeping arrangements

Our room is very nice — bright with a lot of sunshine — although the suitcases do take up quite a lot of room.

As I think I've mentioned before, when travelling with Wilson I prefer a room with twin beds, although that isn't always possible. 

The problem with sharing a bed with W is that it's like sharing a bed with a cuddly doormat that fidgets and scratches constantly, snores loudly and gets up for snacks in the middle of the night. Sometimes I've ended up sleeping in an armchair out of desperation!

Once we'd unpacked (well, I unpacked — W tends to leave everything in his suitcases because he almost certainly won't need any of it) we headed off into the village in search of food… and adventure! 

A slight misunderstanding...

While I struggled with the cases, Wilson went through to Reception to book us in. 

Addressing the receptionist in a loud, slow voice, he said, 'Bonjour! Do… you… speak... English?' and without waiting for a reply presented his Business Card. 

The receptionist read aloud from it: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Pavement Ant' and handed it back. W blushed and exchanged it for one of his  Consulting Detective cards. 

Apologising for the confusion, he explained, 'That was one of my Wilson Vermilingua patent-pending "Name That Ant!" cards.'

The receptionist passed him our keys, and I started to carry the cases upstairs to our room.

Hotel Life

Wilson started to help me unpack the car, but after the first suitcase he said he'd come over 'a bit funny' and would have to have a sit down in the shade. 

I asked him if he was alright, but he disregarded my concern, saying that he was just unused to the 'rich foreign air.'

Happily, though, he felt well enough to give me a lot of advice on the best way to unpack heavy suitcases from a car…

Landfall at last!

The ferry started to dock but Wilson, glancing back over his shoulder, could still see Portsmouth on the mainland. 'Are you certain this is Abroad, New Dad?' he asked me, 'You don't think you've fallen victim to some internet-booking scam?'

I pointed to a roadside sign saying, 'Welcome to the Isle of Wight' which seemed to reassure him and we set off for the hotel.

Passing through a lovely little village, Wilson wound down the passenger window and cried out to some surprised pedestrians, 'Prepare yourself, Wight Island — I am amongst you!'

Turning to me he asked, 'Amongst? Among? I wouldn't like them to think me an illiterate buffoon!' 

I told him I was sure that was not what they'd be thinking.

Taking a deep breath, he remarked, 'This is the smell of Abroad, New Dad! You can feel its differentness, its foreign-ness, the spicy aromas of its strange Native Cuisine… Wonderful!'

The anteater stood on the burning deck / Whence all but he had fled...

After considering the Riddle of the Seven Wonders of the Isle of Wight for a little while, Wilson said he'd like to get some fresh air… though I think what he really wanted was to locate a life-belt and stand very close to it.

We went up to the top deck and he stood bravely by the rail, firmly clutching the bag with Antony and TT in it, pondering the depth of the water while watching the Portsmouth coast recede behind us as we approached the Ryde Ferry Terminal. 

Bon Voyage!

We made ourselves comfortable in the passenger area and waited for the boat to set sail.

Wilson, Antony and Tiny Toy all got very alarmed when the Captain's Safety Announcement started, so I popped Antony in the brown paper bag with TT to calm him down, then tried to distract Wilson.

I gave him a list of the Seven Wonders of the Isle of Wight to ponder over during the voyage. The Seven Wonders consist of: 

   •  LAKE where there is no water;

   •  NEEDLES that you cannot thread;

   •  RYDE where you walk;

   •  COWES you cannot milk;

   •  FRESHWATER you cannot drink;

   •  NEWPORT you cannot bottle; and

   •  NEWTOWN which is very old.

We're off!

We loaded all our suitcases into the car, climbed in and set off — for the Isle of Wight! Hurrah!

It wasn't long before we were driving onto the Isle of Wight Ferry. 

TT caused a bit of a drama by declaring himself seasick as soon as he saw the ship, so I popped him into a brown paper bag to calm him down. 

We parked up on the car deck without further incident and made our way to the passenger deck to find a good seat near the window...

Secret Rites…

Hello everybody, this is Polly and Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog.

We know that today we were scheduled to tell you about The Birds, but quite honestly birds are dirty creatures and we don't think you'll really want to know about their disgusting habits, so instead we're going to tell you some more about Bees! Lovely! 

Today we're going to describe a Secret Rite carried out by bees which has never been seen by humans before — it's called 'Pollination'!

Wilson had been a bit concerned that his strawberry plant wasn't doing very well, so we offered to 'pollinate' it for him.

Now I'll admit that since Billi and I got married we have piled on the ounces, so flying is not as easy as it once was — this is why, in the photo, we're balancing on Wilson's head. That's Billi right on top, with the paintbrush, because she has the better head for heights. 

The paintbrush is an integral part of the 'pollination' ritual but its use is SO secret that I don't think we can reveal what it's used for.

Anyway, that is the Secret Rite of 'Pollination' explained — please keep this to yourselves or it won't be a secret any more, will it? 

We'll see you next month with more interesting Bee News when it's our turn to Guest Blog again. And remember to: BEE HAPPY!

Lovely!

WE HAVE A WINNER!

The correct answer, the unfortunately- (but accurately-) named Big-Headed Ant, was determined by Wilson's long-time friend and WV App Soc* member Ms Jan — to whom, hearty congratulations!

By now even the sTone Brothers had arrived, and Uncle Zoltan, who'd scuttled away to the bee hive, returned with a freshly-baked celebratory cup-cake!

Once every last crumb of cake had been consumed (and the paper container thoroughly licked out) Wilson toddled off to finish his packing for our departure on Monday, while Polly and Billi the Bees left to work on tomorrow's Guest Blog. 

This, they assure me, is going to be 'a bit special' as it will reveal a 'secret, never-before-seen rite'!

*https://www.facebook.com/groups/wilsonvermilinguaappreciation/

Excitement reaches fever pitch

Tiny Toy and Antony have now revealed the third section of the Name That Ant! card, yet still no-one has worked out the answer! The garden is literally buzzing with anticipation. Or that might just be the bees, in which case, the garden is metaphorically buzzing with anticipation. Whatever.

Uncle Zoltan says that if somebody doesn't guess the answer soon he will quite swoon away! 

I think he was being sarcastic, but Wilson took exception to his use of the word 'guess' insisting that Name That Ant! is a game of skill in which guessing played no part. 

He also pointed out that the ants climbing up the card are not part of the clue, merely part of his lunch that he hasn't got round to eating yet.

Please do get in touch if you think you know the solution — Wilson has packing to do for our holiday, and the Bees want to do their Guest Blog on Saturday!

Can you Name That Ant in TWO?

Due to his being distracted by some ants he'd found in the garden, Wilson forgot to give you the answer to this week's first card, which was: Ghost Ant. This was correctly guessed by Ms Viv Styles — CONGRATULATIONS!

Back to the new card, though, and TT has carefully withdrawn the card a little further so you can see a bit more of the picture; the clue, you remember, is 'This ant should practice some humility.' 

Have you worked it out yet?

Uncle Zoltan whispered loudly to Billi that if nobody had guessed the answer by Saturday, he expected Wilson would cancel the Bees' Blog! 

Billi scowled at Uncle Z, while Polly remarked that Wilson was an anteater of honour, and she was sure he wouldn't do that.

This, for some reason, made Uncle Z laugh, and he replied, 'Let's hope someone guesses the answer and we don't have to find out!'

W ignored all this, as he was just finishing up the last of his ants.

Can you Name ANOTHER Ant in one?

Wilson was quite shocked that his card had been correctly guessed so quickly — he says that you're all getting too good and he'll have to find some really hard ones for you next time.

This next card isn't 'really hard' though, as he had prepared it before he knew how clever you all were. The clue for this one is: This ant should practice some humility.

Wilson called Polly over to look after his medal and keep an eye on the children as he'd just found some ants and was a tiny bit distracted. 

Polly told me that she and Billi were extremely excited about their next Guest Blog on Saturday, as they'd thought of something special to talk about that you probably won't have seen before!

I for one can hardly wait...

Name That Ant: the rematch

Wilson tells me that many of his friends are anxious to play another round of his card game, Name That Ant! 

As a reward for Antony's and Tiny Toy's achievement yesterday, he is putting them in charge the card this time. He told me privately that he'd been afraid TT might pull out too much of the card at once, thus revealing the answer, so he made him practice several times until he could do it perfectly.

Antony held the envelope steady, TT carefully withdrew the card exposing the first section and Wilson sang the clue: 

"If there's something strange

In your neighbourhood

Who ya gonna call?

GHOSTBUSTERS!"

Can YOU Name That Ant in one?