eBay

Some time ago, Wilson put his one completed Mk2 WASTE Clock on eBay. The unique feature of this clock is that it never needs adjusting for Winter or Summer Time — it just carries on showing the correct time throughout the year with its extra hour-hand!

The Hour changes back tomorrow morning, however, and his clock has not attracted any bids; no one is even 'watching' it. 

So he has prevailed on me, much against my better judgement, to place a bid on it, to stimulate interest. 

The reserve price is £250, so W says I should make a bid of £300, to make the clock look desirable.

This strikes me as sharp practice, as 'manipulating the market', but he assures me that 'everybody does it' and 'it never fails!'

Wilson is a Winner!

All thoughts of a Winter Holiday were (thankfully) put aside once the postman called this morning, bringing with him Wilson's PRIZE CD!

He entered a competition with the English Folk Dance and Song Society to win Kathryn Tickell & The Side's CD — and he won!

We popped it in the CD player in the car when we drove to Lewes to do the week's shopping and W tapped his paws to the music all the way there and back!

He told me that he's specially excited because, apart from the title of Ant King (which doesn't have a prize) he's never won anything before. 

Although he would have preferred if it had been the National Lottery he'd won, in which case he'd have bought himself a copy of the CD.

Winter break

Wilson caught me reading his notes on the fridge door this morning.

He shuffled about for a bit, before suddenly announcing, 'Honestly, New Dad, you're looking a bit peaky. I think a break would do you good!'

I fixed him with a sceptical stare, but he brandished a brochure about Holidays in the New Forest at me, then continued. 

'You need some, er,  Autumn colour. Some light. You need to get away from it all…'

Winter holidays aren't just cold, they're cool!

By the time we arrived home from the party Wilson was sound asleep, but I managed to lift him out of the car and pop him into the tumble dryer with Antony and Tiny Toy without waking him.

This morning, however, he was up before me, and when I came down to breakfast I found a new note on the fridge door extolling the virtues of a winter holiday.

If he'd put something about dodging Halloween and Guy Fawkes' Night I'd have been more kindly disposed to the idea…

Nutritional concerns

After his feed William fell into a deep and satisfied sleep while Wilson watched over him like a fretful father.

At first Wilson had been surprised that William hadn't brought Colin with him, but soon realised that he probably wouldn't have the social skills to deal with a big family gathering, and was better off at home playing with William's teddies.

When the party ended, Wilson shook hands with the guests and thanked them all for coming, as though it had been his party!

But as we walked back to the car he muttered to me, 'If I know one thing, it's that milk is not enough — that baby needs more ants!'

What are a Birthing Partner's duties?

When Baby William was fed, Wilson expressed some concern that he wasn't getting enough ants in his diet, adding that he had some spare dried ants with him if required.

As for his offer to be Rowena's Birthing Partner, it turns out when he helped his mother, Mrs Vermilingua, with her deliveries, this meant playing with his younger siblings to keep them out of the way, while his big Sister Andrea got on with the actual 'towels and boiling water — and lots of it!' business…

Party time!

We had a fabulous time at Ms Ann's Birthday Party! 

Wilson had a starter of nachos as well as a main course of linguini followed by two desserts, finally declaring himself 'too full to move safely'.  Although that didn't stop him also having a quite a big slice of birthday cake.

W met another of his friends at the party, Ms Rowena, who is also about to have a baby. He told her that he had helped his mother, Mrs Vermilingua, with many of her deliveries, and asked if she'd like him to be her Birthing Partner. 

Rowena smiled bravely and said she'd 'think about it'.

Reasons to go on holiday...

Next to the Cartoon on the fridge door this morning, I found a list of reasons to go on holiday now. I fear Wilson's Holiday Campaign is stepping up a gear.

We've been invited to a Birthday Party tomorrow, so there probably won't be time for a post — but expect photos the following day! 

Unless W is too hung-over, of course…

Ants In Their Pants

One of Wilson's Twitter friends, Moose Allain ( @MooseAllain ) has sent him a cartoon called 'Ants in their Pants' which W thinks is the funniest thing he's ever seen in his life!

He's magneted it on the fridge door and taken everyone to admire it. 

And to have it explained to them, in the case of the younger ones who don't yet understand word-play.

Uckfield Art Trail

Wilson has framed his new photo of Colin in a spare frame which he'd bought 'just in case', and hung it in the living room next to what he calls his 'Picasso' portrait. 

He told me that he's thinking of opening our house for the Uckfield Art Trail next year. 

I told him that I'd think about it. 

We all know what that means, don't we?

Unfortunately his friend Giraffe has received some bad news and W doesn't quite know what to say to ease his distress: http://urls.ht/3eK

Wilson is able to relax at last...

Wilson has been a bit on edge since Colin left, but this morning the postman brought a new photograph of him cuddling Baby William, and a note from Ms Jenny which read:

'Well, Colin had a sleepless night the first night but he seems to have settled in quite well now, and he's made friends with a few of William's teddies!'

As he read it I could see the tension drain out of W's shoulders… 

He's still not managed to get the print heads out of the printer, so I think I'll have a go at that myself over the weekend.

Printer repairs

So, how are you getting on with your Free Business Cards? 

(If you missed them, you can download them from here: http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/free-gift.html)

Feedback from Wilson's friends suggest they're good for:

 • Playing Snap

 • Cake Decorations

 • Using as Pretend (or Fraudulent) Credit Cards

 • Building Houses of Cards

 • Playing Top Trumps

 • Swapping With Your Friends (if you have any friends)

and not so good for

 • Playing Contract Bridge

Wilson hasn't been able to print any himself, due to his breaking my printer by gumming up the printheads with home-made perfume. He's in the kitchen now, trying to repair it. 

There's no shortage of advice, but little sign of success so far.

Nightmares

Wilson slept in my bed again last night following a specially scary Dr Who! I watched this episode with him, and I can sympathise as it was indeed totally terrifying. One of the special effects in particular will probably give me nightmares...

Wilson's Separation Anxiety has eased since his friends Ms Jenny and Mr Simon sent him a photo of Colin the Toy Camel, safe and well, playing with Baby William.

Wilson gazed at it for a long time, before saying, 'I think Colin looks happy with Baby William! Now I wish I'd tried a bit harder to stuff him, but the kapok just kept coming out of his eye-holes.'

Flooded!

The weather lately has been Biblical: the rain came down like stair-rods all day yesterday, and there were reports of flooding in the village, while last night Wilson had to sleep in my bed because of the very scary electrical storm. He was accompanied by the bees, the Johnson brothers, Antony, Tiny Toy and he even insisted on bringing in the sTone Brothers. 

They chattered loudly all night about what a terrible storm it was, while I slept in the armchair. 

If you can call it sleeping.

Today W ventured into the garden between showers to see whether his Asteroid Shelter had been damaged. 

He came back into the house and announced in his most serious voice that it was 'Totes flooded' and he'd need to buy a pump.

Wilson is VERY brave...

Yesterday Baby William's grandparents came to visit (which is why there was no Blog update) and we had a nice day out in Eastbourne, then dinner on the way back to Uckfield. 

We had a delightful trip, but there was an awkward moment when the time came for them to leave and for Wilson to hand over his knitted toy camel for them to give to the baby: W decided he couldn't bear to part with it!

After an uncomfortable few minutes he finally reached a decision. Raising the box to his lips he whispered, 'Goodbye, Colin! I shall always love you, and I shall always be your Dad, but now you must go and fulfil your destiny! Bring happiness and joy to Baby William — make me proud!' 

With that he passed the box to William's grandmother, saying 'I expect Colin will become a Family Heirloom! Please let me know how he's getting on.'

While waving them off a tear trickled slowly down his nose, but he sniffed and smiled bravely as they drove away…

FREE GIFT!

The internet has been buzzing with speculation about what Wilson's Free Gift to his Friends and Followers could possibly be! Front-runners are a downloadable MP3 of his Ant Music Adam Ant Tribute Record, or a voucher for a jar of Dried Ants. 

I hope there's not too much disappointment when the gift is revealed to be a Free Printable Sheet of Business Cards, with a message from Wilson saying:

'Friends! Followers! Countrymen! Here is a free sheet of business cards for you to print out, cut up and give to your friends! You might be able to swap them or use them to play Top Trumps or Snap! Their uses are endless, but if you just give them to your friends, they will visit my New Dad's Blog and I shall make many NEW friends! You will have made a young anteater very happy, and what could be better than that?'

A quiet day recovering...

Yesterday's Adam Antathon lasted late into the night, with the result that Wilson rose from his pit well behind schedule this morning. 

He says that he's going to have a quiet day working on a new design for his Business Cards. 

I sat with him for a while, and all the time he was working he was extolling the virtues of a Winter Holiday: children are back at school, hotels are cheap, resorts aren't crowded and so on. I think this is the start of a Holiday Campaign. 

He hinted that there might be a free gift for all his friends tomorrow, which is quite exciting I suppose. 

I wouldn't get too excited about that though. 

Just saying.

Dance Party — everyone's invited!

Wilson spent the rest of yesterday in his 'Museum' looking for the record player which he was sure was in there somewhere.

Today he's having a dance party in the garden, playing his Adam Ant Tribute Record to everyone while busting out some moves. 

I insisted he put a top on; Autumn has really arrived now and it's very chilly outside, although the dancing is probably keeping him warm.

I may have to pop next door to apologise to the neighbours about the noise of the party… and if I hear Goody Two Shoes again, I don't know what I shall do — talk about an earworm!

Stand And Deliver!

Guess what Wilson found in his 'Museum' while he was rooting round looking for old printer cartridges yesterday — a copy of his Adam Ant Tribute Album from a few years ago! 

He was very much into Adam Ant for a little while...

Wilson resumes work on his invention

Wilson has decided that his toy camel (now called Colin) is 'too valuable and fragile' to entrust to the Post Office, and has asked me instead to drive up to London to deliver it to Baby William in person. I think I'll be seeing William's grandparents later this week, so I'd prefer to just give it to them to save on the petrol.

W thinks his BookPatch™ (pat pending) fragrance has 'matured' sufficiently to use, and he spent the morning injecting it into empty ink jet cartridges he'd fished out of the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff and a Robot. (He never throws anything away!)

In other news, my Ink Jet Printer seems to have stopped working.