Reasons to go on holiday...

Next to the Cartoon on the fridge door this morning, I found a list of reasons to go on holiday now. I fear Wilson's Holiday Campaign is stepping up a gear.

We've been invited to a Birthday Party tomorrow, so there probably won't be time for a post — but expect photos the following day! 

Unless W is too hung-over, of course…

Ants In Their Pants

One of Wilson's Twitter friends, Moose Allain ( @MooseAllain ) has sent him a cartoon called 'Ants in their Pants' which W thinks is the funniest thing he's ever seen in his life!

He's magneted it on the fridge door and taken everyone to admire it. 

And to have it explained to them, in the case of the younger ones who don't yet understand word-play.

Uckfield Art Trail

Wilson has framed his new photo of Colin in a spare frame which he'd bought 'just in case', and hung it in the living room next to what he calls his 'Picasso' portrait. 

He told me that he's thinking of opening our house for the Uckfield Art Trail next year. 

I told him that I'd think about it. 

We all know what that means, don't we?

Unfortunately his friend Giraffe has received some bad news and W doesn't quite know what to say to ease his distress: http://urls.ht/3eK

Wilson is able to relax at last...

Wilson has been a bit on edge since Colin left, but this morning the postman brought a new photograph of him cuddling Baby William, and a note from Ms Jenny which read:

'Well, Colin had a sleepless night the first night but he seems to have settled in quite well now, and he's made friends with a few of William's teddies!'

As he read it I could see the tension drain out of W's shoulders… 

He's still not managed to get the print heads out of the printer, so I think I'll have a go at that myself over the weekend.

Printer repairs

So, how are you getting on with your Free Business Cards? 

(If you missed them, you can download them from here: http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/free-gift.html)

Feedback from Wilson's friends suggest they're good for:

 • Playing Snap

 • Cake Decorations

 • Using as Pretend (or Fraudulent) Credit Cards

 • Building Houses of Cards

 • Playing Top Trumps

 • Swapping With Your Friends (if you have any friends)

and not so good for

 • Playing Contract Bridge

Wilson hasn't been able to print any himself, due to his breaking my printer by gumming up the printheads with home-made perfume. He's in the kitchen now, trying to repair it. 

There's no shortage of advice, but little sign of success so far.

Nightmares

Wilson slept in my bed again last night following a specially scary Dr Who! I watched this episode with him, and I can sympathise as it was indeed totally terrifying. One of the special effects in particular will probably give me nightmares...

Wilson's Separation Anxiety has eased since his friends Ms Jenny and Mr Simon sent him a photo of Colin the Toy Camel, safe and well, playing with Baby William.

Wilson gazed at it for a long time, before saying, 'I think Colin looks happy with Baby William! Now I wish I'd tried a bit harder to stuff him, but the kapok just kept coming out of his eye-holes.'

Flooded!

The weather lately has been Biblical: the rain came down like stair-rods all day yesterday, and there were reports of flooding in the village, while last night Wilson had to sleep in my bed because of the very scary electrical storm. He was accompanied by the bees, the Johnson brothers, Antony, Tiny Toy and he even insisted on bringing in the sTone Brothers. 

They chattered loudly all night about what a terrible storm it was, while I slept in the armchair. 

If you can call it sleeping.

Today W ventured into the garden between showers to see whether his Asteroid Shelter had been damaged. 

He came back into the house and announced in his most serious voice that it was 'Totes flooded' and he'd need to buy a pump.

Wilson is VERY brave...

Yesterday Baby William's grandparents came to visit (which is why there was no Blog update) and we had a nice day out in Eastbourne, then dinner on the way back to Uckfield. 

We had a delightful trip, but there was an awkward moment when the time came for them to leave and for Wilson to hand over his knitted toy camel for them to give to the baby: W decided he couldn't bear to part with it!

After an uncomfortable few minutes he finally reached a decision. Raising the box to his lips he whispered, 'Goodbye, Colin! I shall always love you, and I shall always be your Dad, but now you must go and fulfil your destiny! Bring happiness and joy to Baby William — make me proud!' 

With that he passed the box to William's grandmother, saying 'I expect Colin will become a Family Heirloom! Please let me know how he's getting on.'

While waving them off a tear trickled slowly down his nose, but he sniffed and smiled bravely as they drove away…

FREE GIFT!

The internet has been buzzing with speculation about what Wilson's Free Gift to his Friends and Followers could possibly be! Front-runners are a downloadable MP3 of his Ant Music Adam Ant Tribute Record, or a voucher for a jar of Dried Ants. 

I hope there's not too much disappointment when the gift is revealed to be a Free Printable Sheet of Business Cards, with a message from Wilson saying:

'Friends! Followers! Countrymen! Here is a free sheet of business cards for you to print out, cut up and give to your friends! You might be able to swap them or use them to play Top Trumps or Snap! Their uses are endless, but if you just give them to your friends, they will visit my New Dad's Blog and I shall make many NEW friends! You will have made a young anteater very happy, and what could be better than that?'

A quiet day recovering...

Yesterday's Adam Antathon lasted late into the night, with the result that Wilson rose from his pit well behind schedule this morning. 

He says that he's going to have a quiet day working on a new design for his Business Cards. 

I sat with him for a while, and all the time he was working he was extolling the virtues of a Winter Holiday: children are back at school, hotels are cheap, resorts aren't crowded and so on. I think this is the start of a Holiday Campaign. 

He hinted that there might be a free gift for all his friends tomorrow, which is quite exciting I suppose. 

I wouldn't get too excited about that though. 

Just saying.

Dance Party — everyone's invited!

Wilson spent the rest of yesterday in his 'Museum' looking for the record player which he was sure was in there somewhere.

Today he's having a dance party in the garden, playing his Adam Ant Tribute Record to everyone while busting out some moves. 

I insisted he put a top on; Autumn has really arrived now and it's very chilly outside, although the dancing is probably keeping him warm.

I may have to pop next door to apologise to the neighbours about the noise of the party… and if I hear Goody Two Shoes again, I don't know what I shall do — talk about an earworm!

Stand And Deliver!

Guess what Wilson found in his 'Museum' while he was rooting round looking for old printer cartridges yesterday — a copy of his Adam Ant Tribute Album from a few years ago! 

He was very much into Adam Ant for a little while...

Wilson resumes work on his invention

Wilson has decided that his toy camel (now called Colin) is 'too valuable and fragile' to entrust to the Post Office, and has asked me instead to drive up to London to deliver it to Baby William in person. I think I'll be seeing William's grandparents later this week, so I'd prefer to just give it to them to save on the petrol.

W thinks his BookPatch™ (pat pending) fragrance has 'matured' sufficiently to use, and he spent the morning injecting it into empty ink jet cartridges he'd fished out of the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff and a Robot. (He never throws anything away!)

In other news, my Ink Jet Printer seems to have stopped working.

A responsible job for Antony

Wilson is packing William's toy camel, using tissue paper, a home-made gift box and a sheet of brown wrapping paper. 

I suggested that some decorative gift-wrap might be nice, but he said that brown paper is much more practical where babies are concerned. Also he has a lot of it.

Antony is the Designated Person In Charge of the Sellotape Dispenser, handing W strips of tape when requested, while Johnson Minor looks on, dreaming of the day when he has such a responsible job…

An ideal present for a baby...

Everyone gathered in the kitchen to admire Wilson's just-finished present for Baby William. 

'It's lovely,' I said. 'Ummm, it's a hat, isn't it — with cute little ear-holes?' 

Wilson's face darkened. 'Obviously not. Guess again', he replied, stonily.

Polly silently mouthed something to me, but I couldn't make out what she was trying to say — Apple? Mammal? Enamel? I took a chance and said, 'It's a mammal!' 

Wilson nodded warily, while Polly burst out, 'Just look at those lovely humps  it's a Bactrian one, isn't it?'

'It's a camel?!' I exclaimed. I thought this sounded more uncertain — disbelieving even — than I'd intended, but it satisfied Wilson.

Tension mounts...

Wilson has returned to knitting Baby William's surprise gift, which is now almost completed. I don't think it's a scarf after all. Unless scarves have arm-holes?

He's reached the 'casting-off' stage, which is very tense operation. Accordingly, Johnson Major has been sent away and only Polly remains — as much to keep Wilson calm as to offer advice.

I'm keeping well out of the way until he's finished...

Hanging

Wilson has taken a break from knitting to hang his newly-framed portrait. 

He told me that he hadn't given up on Baby William's gift, it's just that the magenta wool was making his eyes 'go funny' — everything he looked at was turning green.

As for his portrait, though, he's sounded me out about installing a picture light 'so my portrait can be lit in the way it so obviously deserves'.

Wilson starts work on his new project...

Safely back from the village with his wool and his picture frame, Wilson has settled down to start knitting a 'little something' for Baby William.

W has only knitted one thing before — a scarf — and his Big Sister Andrea had cast-on and cast-off for him, so starting from scratch is quite a taxing task for him.

However, he does have Polly on hand (who claims to know all about knitting, having once met a spider who was good at it) and Johnson Minor who is always ready with an unsolicited suggestion.

I hope Johnson Mi doesn't pick up any new swear-words from W!

The perfect choice

Wilson was quite surprised by the variety of frames on offer, but he eventually narrowed his choice down to a simple black, narrow frame with a broad white mat board which he said would perfectly complement the elegance and spareness of his portrait while giving it the gravitas it deserved.

The simplicity of the frame was not reflected in its price but, as W always says, you have to pay for quality.

At least, he always says that when he's got my VISA card in his paw.

Framed!

Having chosen some knitting wool, Wilson moved on to the frame shop to buy something to display the portrait his artist friend, Sally Muir, drew of him. 

I'm still wondering what W is going to knit for Baby William. 

I bet it's a scarf!