We've arrived in Spain!

Wilson acquitted himself very well at the Formal Dinner last night. Considering that he had never had a silver service meal before, his manners were impeccable. 

Unfortunately we had to leave before I'd finished my dessert as W was anxious to arrive at the theatre early enough to be sure of getting the best seat in the house. 

Once he'd settled down, still in his formal attire, he made excellent (and frequent) use of the Bar Service. So much so that, when he remarked it was strange to be in a theatre that rocked up and down, I'm not entirely certain it was the theatre that was rocking…

Today, though, we have arrived in Spain and we shall soon be leaving on an excursion. 

It's not as warm or as sunny as I'd hoped, but over the next few days we shall be drawing close to the equator…

Bar Service!

Sea Days are very expensive! Wilson has an unerring sense of what is not included in the cost of our passage… and ordering it. In particular, he is unable to resist waiters seductively calling 'Bar Service!' as they pass him. His charge card still seems to be fully functional.

Still, use of the Table Tennis facilities is free, and it will help him work off some calories. I just hope we don't get charged for all the ping-pong balls we've lost over the side, as it's quite windy on deck!

Tonight is Formal Night in the dining room, then we're off to see a show in the on-board theatre!

All at sea!

As we boarded the ship we were each handed a Sea Pass card — a combined cabin door key and chargecard for everything we bought on board.

The first thing we did was to locate our cabin, then Wilson headed directly to the Souvenir Shop to try out his card. He did this by buying an expensive model of the ship, and he assured me that the card had worked perfectly. 'However,' he said, 'I'd better keep on testing it, just to make sure it doesn't develop a fault!'

We shall be at sea for the rest of today and tomorrow, then we shall arrive in Gijón in Spain!

We are ready to depart

At midnight last night Wilson was woken by New Year's celebration fireworks; this morning he was disappointed to learn that Holiday Inn does not operate the same 'A Great Night's Sleep — Guaranteed' policy as Premier Inn so he was unable to claim his (or strictly speaking, my) money back.

Despite his broken night, he ate an extremely hearty breakfast, saying, 'I advise you to do the same, New Dad — a full stomach will protect you against seasickness!' and then we set off to the docks.

When he first saw our ship, its hugeness came as a revelation to Wilson. He said he'd been expecting something about the size of the Jersey Ferry, whereas this was, as he put it, bigger than a very, very big block of flats!

We're on our way!

Wilson is so excited about his cruise that he hasn't even noticed that HM the Queen has once again failed to ratify his OBE in the New Year's Honours List. 

Halfway to Southampton he clapped a paw to his head and told me that he'd forgotten something important. I was afraid that he'd left the gas on, or not locked the front door, but in fact it was his Grand Charity Garden Open Day — he had forgotten to hold it again last summer! 

Anyway, here we are checking in to The Holiday Inn, Southampton, and enjoying the view over the docks from our room. 

Tomorrow, on New Year's Day, we shall board the liner and begin Wilson's Big Adventure!

Happy New Year, everyone!

And the lucky winner is...

Wilson has decided who he would like as his travelling companion, and the name of the lucky winner is: Polly-B.

I pointed out that since Polly-B is, when it comes right down to it, a stuffed toy, she wouldn't need a ticket; she could travel as luggage. 

W said that if that's the case, it might as well be me who goes with him. 

Hmmm. That makes me feel so esteemed, so… valued: I am his first choice after a plush toy bee.

Anyway, we'll be setting off for Southampton tomorrow, if W can get all his cases into the car! I shall probably be taking just the clothes I'm wearing, as there won't be room for anything else…

Wilson prepares to go cruising

When I bought the two tickets for Wilson's Cruise to the Canaries I had sort of assumed that it would be me who accompanied him. It seems this may not now be the case. A number of his friends have offered to chaperone him, and he has drawn up a shortlist. 

He says he will announce the lucky person tomorrow.

In the meantime, he is packing everything he might conceivably need on an extended sea cruise, overlooking the fact that whatever he takes will have to fit in the trunk of the car to be taken to Southampton.

He's making a list and checking it twice...

Wilson is very busy making lists of everything he might conceivably need on his holiday to The Canary Islands. 

He is a bit concerned that he doesn't have enough formal wear for Dinner at the Captain's Table, but I've tried to reassure him that a black bow-tie will see him through the most decorous and mannered of dining situations. 

Wilson opens his presents...

Here you see Wilson halfway through opening his Christmas presents. He's wearing his new vegetarian-certified faux-fur jacket while eating a box of imported chocolate-fed ants. 

Just after this photo was taken, he opened his main gift — which was a ticket for a sunshine cruise to the Canary Islands for him and a friend! 

I'm really hoping he'll choose me as his travelling companion, since I'm quite as fed up with this weather as he is…

Boxing Day!

We all had a lovely time on Christmas Day! The Stone Brothers were allowed indoors on condition that they didn't frighten Antony or Tiny Toy (who were both very brave about this) and everyone ate and drank too much. 

One of Wilson's highlights of the day was pulling his giant cracker, with him at one end and everyone else at the other!

W gave me a pair of ODDSIES! and a new set of Journals. I can't wait to start using them, but you won't get to see them until the first one is filled at the end of January. That's the journals, not the ODDSIES! obviously!

Wilson had a Dr Who Sonic Screwdriver and some other toys, but was most excited by his main present from me. 

I'll tell you what that is tomorrow…

Happy Christmas from us all!

Wilson has hung up his stocking and placed a glass of milk and some reindeer treats by fireplace. Now he's gone to bed in hopes that the night will pass more quickly… though I won't be surprised to see him up again in a few minutes complaining that he's too excited to sleep.

There won't be any update tomorrow, but I hope you'll hear from us again on Boxing Day.

   

In the meantime, we all wish you a Very Happy Christmas!

We wish you a Happy Christmas!

Wilson and I would like to wish all our friends a Very Happy Christmas and, as Wilson puts it, A Merry New Year!

A Christmas Tradition

Wilson and I have been to our local for our traditional last-Sunday-before-Christmas drink. Well, it's not actually a tradition yet, but if we do it again next year it will be.
 

W settled down with an Irish Coffee and I with a Barley Wine, and he related a story his friend Bob had told him. It seems that an acquaintance of Bob's had bought an apple pie, and when he bit into it, he found it was full of live ants!
 

'What are the chances of that happening, eh?' he asked. Then he smiled and shook his head ruefully, saying, 'Some people really do have all the luck!'

Wilson and I both receive mail

As Doctor Who once said, we are now Halfway Through the Dark. And not a moment too soon — we've both had enough of this miserable weather!

Wilson is a bit miffed, having received an anonymous Christmas card from his 'Secret Admirer.'

'This totally does my nut in, New Dad!' he declared. 'Every birthday, every Valentine's day and every Xmas it's the same! Who can be sending them?'

He thought for a moment, then added, 'It had better not be my Mum, Mrs Vermilingua!'

In the same delivery I was very relieved to receive an envelope containing Wilson's main Christmas present. I'd begun to fear it wouldn't arrive in time, but now it's safely here I can relax. 

I think he's going to love it!

A letter from the Mayor...

In this morning's post, Wilson received a brief note from the Mayor's secretary saying that the Mayor thanks Wilson for his interest. However he is very busy right now campaigning for Boris Island Airport so is too occupied to consider W's dung beetle scheme at present.

W was understandably disappointed by this, but was a little cheered when, in the same delivery, he received a big bundle of identical Christmas cards from his family. He had forgotten to buy any cards himself, so we rushed out to choose some. 

As usual, all the cards will be exactly the same, but he told me that he will put a special message inside Byron's card.

Christmas Cracker

Wilson decided to spend all his carol singing earnings of £1.62 on a giant cracker. He tried to swap the unwanted six Liquorice Allsorts for a bag of popcorn, but the lady on the checkout was unwilling to trade, so I treated him to that. I'll probably be able to dispose of the liquorice unobserved.
 

During the trip home W said that he had been considering his friend Serena's suggestion, and reached a decision: rather than using Skype, which would require his real-time presence, he and his choir would make a video!
 

'I will distribute this digital dose of Seasonal Good Cheer via YouTube and Vimeo etc, and charge a small fee per view through PayPal. I shall be rich after all!'

This should keep him out of mischief, I suppose, so long as it's not as ambitious a production as his last video epic, Titanic — The Film…

Decorations for Xmas

Wilson eventually emerged from his bed, declaring himself exhausted and vowing never to sing another carol.
 

'It's just too draining, New Dad!' he announced, 'I just can't keep it up! At heart, I am a member of the Great Sloth Dynasty, and we're simply not suited to this much work!'
 

I tried to lift his mood by taking him to the Garden Centre to choose some decorations, and on the drive out I mentioned that one of his friends, Serena, had suggested that he might do his carol singing by means of Skype, so that he and his choir need never leave the house. Moreover, because of the wonder of time zones, he could do it whenever he felt like it, regardless of the time here in Uckfield.
 

He received this in silence, but I could tell that he was mulling it over. 

Wilson goes carol singing

Before he went to bed last night, I had a brief chat with Wilson on his return from his first evening of carol singing. He said that his schedule of house visits had turned out to be a bit optimistic, and that people didn't care for his Rate Card of suggested donations.
 

In spite of being out all evening, he managed to visit only three houses! At the first house there was no reply (although W suspects they were hiding under the table and just pretending to be out); at the second house everyone was very appreciative, but gave him only £1.50; and at the third house the door was opened by an old lady who invited him and his choir in and gave them all mince pies and hot chocolate in front of a log fire.
 

'She was a very nice old lady,' Wilson conceded, 'and we spent a couple of hours with her, chatting. But as we were leaving she handed each of us tuppence and a Liquorice Allsort. I'm never going to get rich like that!'
 

His total night's takings, then, amounted to £1.62 and six liquorice sweets which no-one wanted to eat.
 

I don't know whether he intends going out again tonight as he's still in bed at the moment, recovering.

Wilson wishes all his customers a Very Happy Xmas!

Wilson is a bit despondent after doing some more calculations.
 

'There are nine days until Xmas,' he explained. 'Allowing, say, 2½ minutes for each house, 4,600 houses will take more than 21 hours a day! I should have started this back in August!'
 

He pondered for a moment, then asked me, 'Do you think householders might be annoyed by Carol Singers calling at, say, 2am? Because if they're a bit cross, that might result in reduced donations.'
 

However, he has produced a 'Rate Card' of Suggested Donations for when he starts carolling this evening, 'So that people won't be embarrassed by not knowing how much to give!'

If you live in Uckfield, do listen out for him — he'll be setting off with his choir in a few minutes.

Spreadsheet

Wilson has been doing some population research and financial calculations to determine the profitability of carol singing. His findings are as follows:

Population of Uckfield = 14,000

Equivalent to households ≈ 4,600

Carol singers' suggested donation:

Wilson Vermilingua OBE £2.00

Polly-B                                 £1.00

Antony                                 £1.00

Tiny Toy                              £0.50

sTony                                   £1.00

sToneye                              £0.50

                            TOTAL = £6.00

Grand total therefore
             4,600 x £6.00 = £27,600

This, he says, is substantially short of the £1Million he needs, but still well worth doing.