Wilson is 200 per cent confident...

Wilson's book is now coming on apace! He says that he is 'completely 200 per cent confident' that it will be finished in time to publish next week. 

He has also assured me that it will be 'well epic!'

Writers' Block

No progress on Wilson's book yesterday or so far today as he tells me he is suffering from Writers' Block. 

Recovering from Writers' Block seems to involve a lot of thinking (ie sleeping) and brain hydration (ie ant gin). 

I hope he gets on with his book soon, as I know you're going to love it. Possibly.

I love it when a plan comes together...

Fond as I am of Wilson, I could never describe him as being good at finishing things. His short career is littered with failed business ventures and uncompleted projects; however, I think one of his enterprises is about to reach fruition!

It's far too cold to go outside today, so W has returned to a long-term project of his, and he assures me that it is almost complete: The Wilson Vermilingua OBE Big Book of Free Stuff.

He has given me his personal assurance that it will be completed in 'a few days' and when it is released it will 'shake the publishing world to its foundations!' His words, of course, not mine. 

However, I have to admit that it's looking good, and when it's finally issued you will receive a free copy! Something to look forward to during the never-ending sub-zero Spring days, then…

CHECK THIS OUT! 

March has been a very busy month for Wilson Vermilingua OBE!

I've just uploaded the fifteenth monthly volume of Ant Wars II: March 2013 so you can catch up on anything you've missed.

Please tell all your friends, as it is Wilson's stated ambition for his life story to be, as he puts it, "As Popular as Easter Eggs!"  

You can download it or read it online at:

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/ant_wars_ii_march_2013

You can now SUBSCRIBE to Wilson's blog by email!

The BLOG is right here: http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/

You can TRANSLATE Wilson's blog into other languages!

You can COMMENT on Wilson's blog — and he'd love to hear from you!

Photographs of the lovely WILSON are by Tamanduagirl at 

http://www.livingwithanteaters.com/ and are used by kind permission.

A Brilliant Easter

Today the sun is shining! It's still very cold, but Wilson is in the garden with all his little friends, soaking up the rays! 

When I took a coat, a scarf and pair of gloves out to him (all of which he declined) he mentioned that he'd had a brilliant Easter, what with Dr Who, a Boat Race victory for Oxford and finally a surfeit of chocolate! 

Late breakfast

Wilson and I stayed up way too late last night, watching a programme about Michael Jackson on BBC4. As a result, we both slept very late this morning. On the plus side, it's now too late for W to April Fool me… as long as he follows April 1st etiquette, anyway.

He's in the kitchen now, finishing up his eggs for breakfast. I don't know whether so much chocolate is healthy for an anteater, but he insists that cocoa is a bean, so chocolate is one of his five-a-day.

W wanted to bring sTony in to eat his egg, but I made him stay in the garden; I won't allow sTony into the house because he's too scary for little Antony, who's only just getting over Doctor Who.

Double Summer Time

British Summer Time started this morning! Unfortunately Wilson forgot that he'd put all the clocks forward by an hour last weekend, and did so again last night... with the result that it was barely light when he started his Easter Egg Hunt this morning. 

I'm not certain about his Easter Bonnet, but he chose it himself.

Now he's settling down in front of the tv in preparation for the University Boat Race this afternoon. It's a busy day for him!

Easter preparations

Wilson has popped in to the village to buy himself an Easter Bonnet, while I hide the eggs for tomorrow's Easter Egg Hunt. 

W's excitement about the Egg Hunt is equalled only by his anticipation of tonight's Dr Who! This being the 50th Anniversary series he thinks it might be extra scary, so he's built himself a little nest behind the sofa to enable him to watch it from a safe distance… 

sTony makes an appearance...

What Wilson describes as Phase One of the Folly is completed, and in time for Easter! It's quite a bit larger than I'd imagined – in fact, it completely overpowers the garden – but he has made a very nice job of it.

He rather spoiled it, though when he turned up carrying the dreadful and scary sTony, who he intends incorporating into the wall; Antony started crying when sTony appeared, but W is very attached to him. 

I'm also a bit concerned that W won't tell me what Phase Two is, or whether there are even more phases to follow...

A compromise is reached and work resumes

Wilson and Antony had clearly reached an impasse, so I suggested that Antony and his toy should move off the building site and watch from a safe distance. All parties have grudgingly agreed to this compromise, since when work has continued apace. 

Antony, meanwhile, has popped his helmet on his toy anteater's head, and they are now arguing between themselves, while Wilson ignores them both.

¡Ay, caramba!

I heard Wilson in the garden this morning shouting '¡Ay, caramba!'

I went out to see what was the matter and found he and Antony arguing because Antony said his helmet was hurting his head and he wanted to take it off.

Wilson had also decided that his helmet was uncomfy (and also kept falling off his head) so had decided not to wear it, while still insisting that Antony must wear his.

Antony said that this was unfair, while W insisted it so was fair because he was in charge. 

Health and Safety

Several hours of intense searching eventually revealed both Antony's helmet and his minuscule toy anteater concealed under W's hard hat. 

'This just goes to show how important Health and Safety is on a busy building site!' Wilson announced. 'From now on, wearing of hard hats at all times is compulsory on-site.' 

Work comes to a standstill

Work has come to a standstill today after Antony realised he'd lost his miniature toy anteater. Wilson's friend Jan noticed that the tiny toy appeared to be missing, and when Wilson questioned Antony he said that it was safe under his little hard hat — before realising that his hat was missing too! 

Everyone is crawling round the garden performing what Wilson calls a Fingertip Search. I asked him if we couldn't just have a 'good look,' but he replied, 'You know my methods, New Dad!' adding, 'The Game's Afoot! Did you bring your service revolver? I fear we may have need of it!'

Daylight Saving

Construction of the Folly/Bunker continues apace. 

Wilson is very anxious to stay on schedule, so last night he advanced all the clocks in the house by one hour. When I protested at the unexpectedly early start, he pointed out that British Summer Time would start in seven days anyway, and that now I had a week to get used to it. 

D'oh, he's always got a reasonable answer for everything!

Progress is made...

With the overnight news of a major Asteroid strike (ie very near miss) in the US, Wilson has been driven into a frenzy of activity constructing his asteroid shelter. 

I would have thought the most important part of a shelter was the underground, protective part, but W is starting with the Folly which is to adorn the entrance. 

I have to admit, he's making good progress.

Some Assembly Required...

Wilson has confided in me that the task he has taken on is a lot more challenging than he had anticipated: 

'The advert said "some assembly required" — I thought that meant I'd need to borrow a screwdriver…' 

We both regarded the massive pile of stone blocks stacked before us… and the completely incomprehensible assembly instructions.

Wilson's delivery arrives!

Never being one to waste time, Wilson ordered his Garden Folly on-line last night, and took delivery of it this morning. He declined to tell me how much extra overnight delivery cost. 

W intends that the Folly will attractively conceal the entrance to his underground bunker.

Here you see him trying to persuade the driver to unload the folly for him. 

Wilson's disturbing discovery

Google has a lot to answer for: while researching our Jersey holiday, Wilson has come across some disturbing news — another asteroid is due to strike (ie miss) Earth on Friday April 13th 2029. It's called 99942 Apophis. 

W has calculated that he will be 21 years old by then, so he doesn't intend to rush into digging a bunker in the garden like last time. Instead, he envisions a large underground structure consisting of several rooms, topped by a stone folly. 

Unlike his previous shelter, he assures me that the new underground asteroid refuge will be large enough to accommodate himself plus Antony and Antony's small toy anteater. 

'And you, New Dad!' he added as an afterthought. Well, that's nice to know.

Right now he's in the garden, surveying. 

Wilson can swear in Spanish!

Over coffee this morning, Wilson casually asked, 'New Dad, what made you think I could speak French?'

'Well, it probably because you told me you could. When you first came to live here, you were constantly reminding me that, unlike you, I could read Beaudelaire only in English translation.'

'Did I actually say I could speak French?'

I considered for a few moments, and had to concede that he had probably not said so in as many words.

'When I first arrived here, your life seemed impossibly sophisticated,' he said. 'You had a water cooler and a computer, while I was a simple anteater from the country. You made me nervous. I may have inflated my abilities a little. I can't even speak Spanish, the language of my home country, since I was in fact born at the zoo in Sussex, and my mum, Mrs Vermilingua, preferred all her children to speak English.'

I nodded, and he continued, 'I can swear in Spanish, a little. One of my stepfathers taught me!'

'If it ever proves necessary to swear in Spanish, I shall know where to come!' I told him.

An unexpected reaction

Leafing through the Jersey holiday brochures, I noticed how very near The Channel Islands are to France, so I asked Wilson whether he fancied a day trip to Granville or St Malo. Since, as he has repeatedly pointed out, I don't speak French, I thought he might like to be my official translator.  

W's face fell, and his eyes darted around shiftily. 'I, er, don't think we'll be in Jersey long enough to visit France!' he blurted out. 'There's so much to do in English-speaking Jersey that I don't think we'll need to go further afield…'

Wilson is injured

Having hurt his nose by wearing an ill-fitting (or 'dangerously ill-designed', as he describes it) Red Nose during Red Nose Day, Wilson has spent the morning soaking his poorly sniffer in a pot of Clarke's Miraculous Salve, a foul-smelling unguent which his mother, Mrs Vermilingua, used to use on all her children's nasal injuries. 

I have my own theory, which is that the cream smells so bad that one's mind will be distracted from the original injury, but I'll be keeping that opinion to myself. 

W looks very sorry for himself, but keeps saying, 'It was all for a worthwhile charity!'