Night at the Museum

Wilson didn't come in last night, but spent all night working in his Museum. I still don't know what he's up to, but I could see him moving about in there, and there were occasional nerve-grating noises of rusty metal scraping against rusty metal.

I may not know what he's working on, but I do recognise the signs that he's becoming obsessed by something! If the weather's as nice tomorrow as it is today I'm going to insist we go out for a ride in the car to take his mind off whatever it is. 

I'll try to think of somewhere he'll be interested to go…

Secret project

I can't really trust Wilson to do any of the gloss painting with oil-based paint, so I left him to his own devices while I got on with the decorating myself.

I didn't see anything of him all day yesterday, but this morning I caught sight of him leaving The Museum, looking a bit shifty.

When I asked him what he was up to he told me he was working on a Top Secret Project that would take my breath away, but since it was still Top Secret he couldn't reveal any details.

'However,' he added, 'it will make us all rich! RICH!'

He has told me things like this before. 

Usually it means trouble and expense.

Perhaps this will be the exception which proves the rule… but I'm not holding my breath.

Little helpers

Wilson has enlisted the assistance of Antony and Tiny Toy with painting the lowest parts of the walls. 

The bees have declined to let the Johnson Brothers help, on the grounds that they won't be going on holiday to Norfolk, but they're watching and giving advice anyway.

Once Antony and TT had got the hang of what they were supposed to be doing, Wilson departed to watch Judge Rinder on daytime tv. He claims that it's educational, as he might like to be a High Court Judge with his own tv show when he grows up. He said it would be an opportunity to be very funny, rude and sarcastic to people while getting paid for it. 

I think he has a little still to learn about the UK's Legal System.

Or maybe not.

Recovery time

Wilson is 'recovering' from National Ant Day by watching a lot of back-to-back Doc Martin on tv — he says he might be a GP when he grows up.

I have reminded him he won't be going to Norfolk until the decorating is finished, and he replied that he would start work on it again tomorrow. 

'One hundred per cent definitely!' he added. 'Unless anything important crops up, of course...'

King Wilson

Wilson was once again successful in his bid to be Ant King of Uckfield, and has spent today sitting around in his crown, holding his famous 'anting' jam jar and eating honey on toast while relating his adventures to a rapt audience. 

He told me that after yesterday's exertions, decorating was out of the question for today. 

And probably tomorrow as well.

Welcome to the Bees' Blog!

Today we are going to share with you our special secret recipe — which is a great favourite with Wilson!

(For those of you who are concerned, our recipe is nothing like the Baldwin Sisters' Recipe in The Waltons!)

First take a slice of bread and put it in a toaster. Switch the toaster on for 2½ to 3½ minutes, or until the bread has turned into golden brown toast! Mmmm…

Then apply some lovely yellow butter and you are ready for the pièce de résistance, which is French for 'The Best Bit' — spreading on some beautiful golden honey! Don't stint with the honey — be generous and use lots! 

We call this dish 'Honey On Toast,' and if it's a bit complicated for you, or if we went through the recipe too fast, just keep practicing — it will be a firm favourite with the whole family!

Now I am required by a contractual obligation to mention National Ant Day, when Wilson goes out playing with ants or something...

But now for a very serious matter: a massive chemical company is doing something that kills bees, and we need to stop it! Just take a look at this link and see what you think...

http://action.sumofus.org/a/bayer-bees-lawsuit/

Quandary

Wilson is in a terrible quandary… of his own making. He promised the bees that they could guest blog on the first of each month — which is tomorrow — without realising that tomorrow would also be National Ant Day! 

Usually the blog on N.A.Day is all about Wilson triumphing in adversity by eventually catching the first ant of the year and being crowned Ant King of Uckfield. On the other hand, a promise is a promise.

He's spent all morning discussing his dilemma with Antony (and TT, for what that's worth!) and has finally come to a decision.

He called me and the bees into the living room and announced, 'Tomorrow, the bees may blog. It's the right and honourable thing to do. Also, they promised me a bit of their recipe, and said they'd mention National Ant Day.'

Well that's a relief!

Two tribes go to war...

I'm afraid yesterday's disagreement has led to a bit of a standoff, and no-one is ready to blink first!

When I came downstairs this morning I found two notes magnetted to the fridge, one from each party. 

The bees seem to have enlisted Uncle Zoltan to help with typing their note (he has greater mastery of capital letters and punctuation, and his own typewriter) and they have put together a cogent list of reasons why they should be allowed to Blog on Sunday. Wilson's note, however, is more of a plaintive, anguished cry from the heart…

While I can see both sides' point of view, I'm keeping well out of this dispute — I just hope it doesn't delay the redecorating.

Scheduling clash

You probably recall me passing on the bees' reminder that you should be sure to have some honey ready for the recipe they're going to share with you in their Guest Blog on Sunday.

Wilson hadn't realised that the first Sunday in March — which is National Ant Day — fell on the 1st of the month — which is the day of the bees' guest blog!

National Ant Day is an important occasion in the calendar of all anteaters, since it's the day in which they head out to see who can catch the First Ant of the Year and be crowned 'Ant King' — an honour which Wilson has held for the last several years.

The bees, however, maintain that the 1st of the month is their Blogging Day and they've been planning it for a long time.

Work begins

Today Wilson started on painting the hall. He's making a nice job of the walls, but he's quite a messy worker…

Later I heard him complaining to Antony that decorating is not only much harder than he'd expected, it also takes a lot longer. I told him to keep his eye on the prize — a lovely holiday in Norfolk!

Before I forget, Billi and Polly have asked me to remind you to have some good quality honey ready for their Guest Blog on Sunday, when they're going to show you how to cook a traditional bee recipe!

A question of colour

Wilson thought he'd be allowed to choose the colour for the hall, but I drew the line at Sun Yellow or Sorrento Blue ('It'll be lovely and bright!') and insisted on Double Date. 

'What? That's not even a real colour!' he complained. 

But I was adamant. 

And I do hold all the cards, holiday-wise!

Compromise

Okay, we all know that there'll be a lot of negotiating and bargaining about where we go for the holiday we can't really afford, then I'll eventually give in because it seems churlish to keep refusing. 

So I have decided to take a proactive stance: I've told Wilson that we will go on holiday. To Norfolk (England). As long as he helps me redecorate the hall first.

I'd expected further haggling, but W accepted my offer immediately and insisted that we go directly to the DIY Warehouse to buy the paint! 

Now I'm left wondering whether I should have driven a harder bargain...

Ideal holiday destination

Wilson has been working his way through the booklets he picked up at the Travel Agent yesterday, drawing up a shortlist of places he'd like to go on holiday.

Over coffee he showed me the list: at the top is millionaires' playground Kamalame Cay, a private island in The Bahamas, and at the bottom, Norfolk. 

I'm pretty sure this is just a bargaining position, like when he asked me for a pet pony when what he really wanted was a goldfish.

Oh. Unless he means Norfolk in Virginia!

Shopping in the village

Today being sunny and a little warmer than of late, Wilson popped in to the village to buy more ingredients for his 'warm snow' invention.

When he returned he had just one tub, explaining cheerfully, 'Talcum powder is way more expensive than I expected — its cost might jeopardise my entire invention!'

I was puzzled why he didn't seem at all upset by this realisation, so I enquired whether he'd done anything else while he was out.

'Well, it's funny you should ask,' he replied, 'but I was right by the Travel Agents and they've got some brilliant deals — it would probably be cheaper to go away on holiday than it would be to stay at home…'

Also, Wilson has just told me that today is World Pangolin Day, so he'll be cooking something a bit special for dinner tonight, by way of celebration!

Designing a poster

One of Wilson's friends, Ms Jan, has suggested a name for his 'warm snow' product: 'No Freeze.' 

W was very taken by this and, never one to let the grass grow under his paws, has already designed a promotional poster for it, re-spelling and branding it NOFREEEZ.

'I've got to get this on the market straight away, New Dad!' he explained excitedly, 'This is a product just waiting to happen, and I don't want someone else pinching my idea — like they did with my Odd Socks invention!'

He's made a very nice job of the poster but, although he's excited, I do wish he wouldn't stand on the furniture.

A brisk walk in the fresh air!

Wilson has a lot on his mind at the moment, what with the games he's developing, his Periodic Table of Ants and his new invention, Warm Snow. Then there's his worries about Uncle Zoltan abducting the children. I hope all this isn't getting on top of him.

Recalling the Animal Psychiatrist's advice about Exercise and appropriate Anteaterly Activities, this morning, before he had time to protest, I took him out for a nice brisk walk in the fresh air.

He didn't enjoy it, moaning all the way about how walking was a waste of time when we have cars, and pointing out that, since real snow is so cold, his Warm Snow (still awaiting a marketing name — suggestions welcomed) would assuredly be an unqualified hit!

A surprising invention

Wilson looked very thoughtful as he vacuumed up all the spilt talcum powder in the living room, and shortly after he'd finished I found him in the kitchen.

'Don't speak, New Dad!' he warned me, 'Don't interrupt my chain of thought! I am inventing… Warm Snow!'

_________

Please feel free to Share and re-post Wilson's Adventures — you'd make an ambitious young anteater very happy!

Letter of complaint

Finally, after literally hours of speculation and excitement, Johnson Major and Johnson Minor tore open their parcel. 

It's difficult to say what happened next, as everything in the room disappeared in a cloud of whiteness! There was much coughing and laughing as the boys played in the snowdrift of what turned out to be talcum powder.

A little later, while the boys still threw the dusty white powder at each other and ran around in the mess, Wilson found a note that had accompanied the pot of talc: it was a letter of complaint addressed to Messrs. Johnson & Johnson, grumbling about the 'inadequate packaging' of their product.

W tossed the missive aside, sighing, 'I suppose I'm going to be the one who has to Hoover all this up...'

Johnson & Johnson

There was much excitement this morning when the postman delivered a parcel addressed to Johnson & Johnson. The Johnson Brothers have never received any mail before, let alone a mysterious package, so they and Polly spent a long time just staring at it excitedly and speculating over its possible contents.

Wilson is beside himself with curiosity, and can barely contain himself — I think if the Johnsons or Polly don't unwrap it soon he might explode!

Stain removal

Today the bees agreed to try to clean up the mess Wilson had made when dying his curtains. 

While W looked on anxiously, they got out the cleaning materials (a top-secret product containing Royal Jelly) and set-to with mop and bucket. The stain has not completely vanished, but it does look quite a lot better than before.

W has promised that he'll ask me before he dyes anything else. 

And read the instructions.

And wear rubber gloves.