SNOW DAY

Today dawned cold but sunny, with blue skies… and a total lack of snow. 

There was a slightly awkward atmosphere over breakfast as the bees eyed all Wilson's emergency stocks on the work top. They both shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot for a minute, nudging each other, before Polly finally said, 'So… no snow after all! My premonition was probably a touch of rheumatism.'

'Rheumatism…' Billi echoed. 'We're martyrs to it. Both of us.'

Wilson cut them off, cheerfully assuring both bees that it was an honest mistake, and pointing out that if we did have any snow later on, at least we were well ready for it.

'Anyway,' he declared, 'since we were all prepared to be snowed-in today I don't think we should waste it. I therefore declare today to be a Snow Day!'

This was received with cheering!

Stockpiling

The bees arrived during breakfast, grim-faced, and announced that snow was on the way. 

I glanced outside at the clear blue sky and asked them how sure they were. 

'We can feel it in our tegulae,' they replied in unison. 'That's a  sure sign,' Polly added, 'So we're certain!'

'The thing is,' Billi began, 'if we get snowed in until next month we won't have enough honey to do our Blog Recipe, so we were wondering whether Wilson could pop into the village and buy us a couple of kilo jars?'

Wilson was already looking alarmed at the thought of being without supplies for almost a month and was out the door before I could stop him.

'I'll just buy the essentials!' he called back to me as he left the house.

Now we have sufficient honey to survive being cut off for many months. 

Also ample Cheesy Wotsits. 

And Wine. 

And Gin. 

All the 'essentials' in fact...

Game Theory

When the cards were dealt into two piles, Wilson turned his top card and placed it face-up on the table. He nodded to me, so I did the same. Both cards bore an identical picture of an ant, and I automatically started to shout, 'Sna…' before W silenced me with a look.

'That's the difference between Snap! and pANTS! you see, New Dad — if the cards are the same, you say nothing.'

We continued to take turns placing the cards on the table until W suddenly shouted, 'pANTS!' so loudly and unexpectedly that I dropped the rest of my cards.

'When the two top cards are different,' he explained, scooping up all the cards in play, 'That's when you call!'

'Both cards look the same to me!' I protested. 

'Ahhh,' he replied, 'That's because you don't really know ants like I do!' He indicated a minute difference in the abdomens of each ant. 'Pavement ant… Argentine ant. Very similar, to a beginner. I win!'

He turned another card, and the game continued…

Presentation time

Messages of support for Wilson's and for the bees' Blogs have been arriving in about equal quantities, so everyone is quite happy and the atmosphere in the house has lifted perceptibly.

Today is the day Wilson has planned to make a presentation to me about his new pANTS! card game. He sat me down in the kitchen and showed me a dummy of the box, then produced a deck of cards. 

I turned over the top card and wasn't surprised to see a picture of an ant on it.

'Okay,' I asked him, 'how do you play this game that's "Taking the world by storm"?'

He started to deal the cards...

Troubled times...

Since the bees posted their first Blog yesterday, an air of unease has descended on the house; the angst is almost palpable!

Polly and Billi are afraid their blog might not have been popular and no-one is interested in what bees have to say. 

Wilson, on the other hand, is fearful that readers might be more interested in the bees' affairs and opinions than in his own!

The are all sitting silently in the living room constantly checking their readership numbers and feedback. 

If you have anything positive to say either to the bees or W, I know they'd appreciate it!

Welcome to The Bees First Blog!

It's the first of the month so the bees, Polly and Billi, have joined me in the kitchen to write their first proper blog! Neither of them is very good at typing, so they're going to dictate it to me and I shall Blog it for them. Here goes, then…

Hello! Hello! We are Polly and Billi, Wilson's bees, and this is our Blog!

Oh dear, perhaps we haven't thought this through properly, I don't know what to say… I know, we'll tell you some bee jokes. Bees have a wonderful sense of humour, we're well known for it!

Polly: What Bee is good for your health?

Billi: I don't know, what Bee is good for your health?

Polly: Vitamin Bee! 

[Giggling in unison]

But enough fun, we would like now to send a very serious message to you all now: Be Nice!

[Billi whispers: 'BEE nice!' there is a lot more giggling]

Anyway, next time we're going to give you some cookery tips and recipes, so you might want to buy some nice honey before then!

I've been Polly!

And I've been Billi!

And we'll see you again this time next month!

The regular Wonderful World of Wilson Blog will return tomorrow. With any luck!

The children return home safely

Antony and his friends returned from the hive and sought out Wilson so they could give him his slice of gateau from Uncle Zoltan.

W sniffed it suspiciously, then ate it declaring it to be 'Totes delish!'

Then he enquired how the tea-party had gone, and the children told him what a top time they'd had.

W then announced that he felt a bit dizzy and that the cake must have been drugged… although no less delicious for that.

Tomorrow, being the first of the month, the Bees, Polly and Billi, will be blogging for the first time! Wilson is a tiny bit tense about this — I think he's nervous in case their blog is more popular than his...

Uncle Z is At Home...

While Wilson got on with inventing his totally-not-like-Snap! card game (which he has confided to me will be called pANTS!) the youngsters all headed over to the bee hive for Uncle Zoltan's 'At Home.'

Due to the pressure of excitement and anticipation they all arrived a bit early — but Uncle Z let them in anyway, ushering them into his livingroom, where they found an abundance of delicious-looking cakes.

They all sat round laughing, eating cake and taking it in turns to wear Uncle Z's hat, while their host told them stories and jokes about his childhood as a young pupa. 

When his guests had eaten all they could, Uncle Z handed Antony a large slice of gateau saying, 'I suppose you'd better give this to that anteater you seem so fond of...'

Home Baking

First thing this morning, Wilson went over to the hive to see whether Uncle Zoltan needed any help with the baking for this afternoon's At Home. He didn't.

I thought this was a nice gesture on W's part — a sort of rapprochement — but I was wrong. W told me he'd offered to help with the cooking only so that he'd get to lick out the mixing bowl.

Anyway, last night he heard from one of his Twitter friends, a young elephant called @floellaella. She gave him an idea that would allow him to transform his ANTWIN game into something totally original and not at all like Snap! He hasn't told me what this 'Simple but game-changing idea' is, but he's very excited and plans to spend the afternoon working on it. 

And trying not to think about the cakes he won't be eating at Uncle Z's At Home…

At Home

Today there was another note from Uncle Zoltan left on the fridge door, this time announcing that he will be holding an At Home tomorrow between three and six o'clock in the afternoon. 

This seems unusually formal — Victorian even — but the children are all very excited and looking forward to it. Polly has warned them that they must be on their very best behaviour.

Wilson, who in any case is too large to attend, is getting on with inventing his next Card Game and pretending not to feel a bit left out.

I hope this game doesn't turn out to be Happy Ant Families or Ant Bridge — I hate disappointing him…

Near miss

Last night Wilson slept in my bed. Along with everyone else. I drew the line at having Diesel's bowl actually in bed with me — it was bad enough constantly banging my elbow on one or other of the sTone Brothers without having cold water sloshing around too.

W was frightened by the close passage of another asteroid. Wanting to ensure that no-one would be orphaned should the worst happen, we all stayed very close together. With so much nervous chatter, it turned out to be a very long night.

The worst didn't happen, and today dawned sunny, so W went out into the garden to inspect his flooded Asteroid Shelter, taking with him a bucket so he might bail it out.

'I can't be caught out again, new Dad!' he told me as he stared into the water-filled hole that once was his shelter. 'The BBC said it was the biggest near-miss asteroid ever recorded — it was so big that it had its own moon!'

Wilson takes it on the chin...

Today Wilson showed me his new game. It is called ANTWIN — a clever play on the words Ant, Twin and Win.

It's played with cards bearing pictures of ants, and players take it in turns to deal these cards one-at-a-time onto a pile. When two consecutive cards are identical the first player to shout 'TWINS!' wins all the cards in the pile. The game continues until one player has all the cards.

It's a good game, and I said so. It's a VERY good game… but basically it's just Snap… Ant Snap, but Snap none the less.

I broke this to W and he took it very well, shrugging philosophically and replying, 'I've still got a couple more top original game ideas up my sleeve!' 

He thought for a moment, before adding, 'Though of course, I haven't actually got any sleeves… Still, there's plenty of time until Easter!' 

Hanging Day

Wilson has framed and hung his new portrait in the living room. 

It is a photograph showing Colin the Knitted Camel immediately after his birth — his yarn has not yet even been cut and tied off! 

W is very proud of it.

I should like to apologise to Wilson's friends in Ukraine for forgetting to say Dobryy den' yesterday.

A trip to the village...

Wilson has popped into the village as he 'needs' another picture frame. 

He has asked me, while he's gone, to welcome all his new readers and followers from far-off and exotic countries:

United States, Russia, France, Ukraine, Canada, Germany, Denmark, India and Italy.

Howdy! Здравствулте! Bonjour, Hallo, Ciao, hej med jer, Namasté, Namo namah!

(Any spelling mistakes or mistranslations are mine, not Wilsons!)

He also asked me, rather unfairly I thought, to point out that while passive-agressive Uncle Zoltan is with us, he's not bothering you!

Finally, please don't forget that you can chat with Wilson on Twitter: @WVermilingua 

Party Time!

All the children went back to the hive to help Uncle Zoltan eat his fresh-baked cookies.

Wilson also went to the hive where, being too big to enter, he observed the tea-party through the window to make sure everything was above-board. He's still sure that Uncle Z is going to kidnap the youngsters and hold them prisoner; I admit that Uncle Z has a LOT of problems, but I think W is being paranoid.

Wilson told me later that nothing untoward occurred, and that the cookies looked and smelled delicious. 

'I kept pointing to the cookies then pointing to my open mouth, New Dad,' he said, 'but either no-one saw me or they didn't understand. Nobody brought me out a cookie…'

Party invitation

The Johnson brothers quickly ran home to see whether Antony and Tiny Toy would like to join them in eating the cookies they'd just baked with Uncle Zortan.

Antony and TT were very keen to go, but Wilson still has the strongest reservations about Uncle Z's motives — he's certain that he intends to kidnap the toys and sell them into slavery, or at least imprison them in the hive and make them do his housework.

However, after much pleading, he eventually conceded that Antony and TT could go, on this one occasion, providing that he, Wilson, could keep an eye on the proceedings…

Forced labour

Once the card game was finished all the youngsters wanted to go over to the bee hive to see what was going on. 

The bees told Johnsons Major and Minor that they could go, but Wilson put his foot down saying that he didn't trust Uncle Zoltan, and therefore Antony and Tiny Toy were forbidden to go… which didn't go down very well.

When the Johnsons arrived Uncle Zoltan greeted them and took them off to the kitchen, where they all made cookie dough (and quite a mess!) together.

Once the cookies were in the oven, Uncle Z sent the Johnsons home to see whether anyone else wanted to come and help eat them.

Diesel's Big Day

This morning the whole family assembled in the living room under Wilson's watchful eye to test and play his prototype (and as yet un-named) game. 

Everyone really enjoyed themselves, although Diesel didn't really understand the rules — he had them explained to him several times, but ten seconds later he'd have forgotten not only the rules but also where he was and what was going on. 

In spite of this, I think he had a nice time. 

As far as you can ever really tell with a goldfish.

A communication is received

When I came down to breakfast this morning I found Wilson staring at a note magnetted to the fridge door.

'Help Wanted.' he read aloud to me, shaking his head in dismay. 'Must be Young and Fit. No Pay. Anteaters need not apply. Report to: The Bee Hive. Signed, Uncle Zoltan'

'Have the bees seen this?' I asked.

'Yes. they said we should "humour him",' he replied. 'Really! This is an outrage! Look!' he continued, 'He's even brought his own fridge magnet, like mine aren't good enough for him!'

I stepped closer, the better to see, and read, 'Always say never — it saves so much time!' 

W walked away, shaking his head in disbelief.

Beta testing

Wilson has printed out a set of his playing cards and is now in what he calls 'Beta SandBox mode' of the game's development — testing it for playability and addictiveness with Polly and Billi.  

There's quite a lot of shouting, so I'm guessing there is some disputing of the rules going on, but  there's also a lot of laughter, which has got to be a good sign.

I wonder whether this is the idea which will finally make Wilson a millionaire?