THE EAGLE IS LANDING

Nërp has been working all night, and the Apollo 11 Lunar Lander Simulator 'EAGLE' is now completed – and I must say he's made a remarkable job of it!

I don't know whether all the buttons and controls actually do anything, but they all press and click, and look totally authentic – Wilson and Byron are thrilled!

The Simulator is set up in the living room in front of the tv, on which Nërp is showing videos of the lunar landscape to increase the immersiveness of the experience.

In the interests of authenticity, Nërp has decided to remain outside Eagle, as there were only two astronauts present during the actual landing – but he's keeping an eye on everything through the little windows in the Lander, and calling out answers to any questions the boys have, while observing strict communication protocols: he won't answer unless the question is preceded by, 'Tranquility Base to Houston,' and pauses to simulate the time delay for the signal to travel from the Moon to the Earth and back again.

To keep tension to a minimum, he is also streaming a performance of Katie Paterson's 2007 piano piece, 'Earth-Moon-Earth' – although were it me a million miles from home, I would find its constant intermittent silences a tiny bit unnerving…

Whenever either of the boys has to leave the Lander (for a comfort break, say, or to top-up with Cheesy Wotsits) they say, 'That's One Small Step for an Anteater – One Giant Leap for Anteater-kind!', and they've set up two flags on sticks, claiming the living room jointly for Uckfield and Costa Rica. 

Bless…