PENSION FUND

Wilson and Byron have received their presents from Father Xmas, but haven't yet opened them – Byron suggested that it would be better to wait until Xmas morning to open such a special gift.

I'll be very surprised if Wilson can hold out that long!

On the drive home, Wilson heard something on the radio about Xmas Number One records.

Apparently Fairytale of New York earns Shane MacGowan and his co-author £540,000 ($678,000) every year, and Noddy Holder (who wrote Merry Xmas Everybody) said that having an Xmas Hit was like 'Winning the Lottery every 25 December for the rest of your life' – a lottery win that this year will be worth £800,000 ($1M+).

These remarks were not lost on Wilson, and he and Byron spent the rest of the journey sitting on the back seat of the car 'Writing a No1 Xmas Hit Song.'

Today they are recording that song, a pathos-filled number called Do the Ants Know It's Xmas? by Wilson Vermilingua, feat Biro V and the Bees Chorus.

The B-side will apparently be called: If Every Day was Xmas, when would we do the shopping? – if the boys can finish writing it in time…