LION REPELLENT

Once we had established that TT was still alive, Wilson demanded to be sprayed with Lion Repellent before the escaped killer invaded the hotel, took the lift to our floor, broke into our room and killed us all.

I removed a can of deodorant from the bathroom and showed it to W. He regarded it suspiciously, then announced, 'That's RightGuard — it's a deodorant!'

'Ah!' I replied, 'That's what it LOOKS like — Lion Repellent is packaged like that to avoid panic when a lion escapes. Look closely, and you can see that the last number on the barcode is a 6 — that's the special code so that Mums and Dads know it's the SPECIAL spray without worrying their children!'

I sprayed Wilson lightly all over with the RightGuard (and I must say, he did smell a bit better after that) then gave Antony a light coat before finally treating the prone figure of TT.

Lastly Wilson gave me a good squirt, saying, 'You just can't be too careful where escaped man-eating giant cats are concerned, New Dad — if you got eaten, I'd be an orphan!'