Walking the Dog

Wilson has always been very wary of dogs, interpreting what is probably just natural curiosity as aggression. Therefore Tim Hunkins' 'Rent-a-Dog' machine seemed the ideal opportunity for W to experience the joy of walking a pet that wouldn't pose a threat. (He has a pet goldfish, Diesel, but he rarely leaves the house apart from when he goes Carol Singing.)

Wilson stood in the machine and inserted his coin, whereupon the robotic dog — which appeared to be modelled on a Bull Terrier, a dog W would normally give a wide berth — turned its head, looked up and seemed to smile at W. 

Then a treadmill started under Wilson's feet, and another, smaller treadmill under the dog's feet, while scenery scrolled past on two monitors, one for W and one for the dog.

When the machine stopped a couple of minutes later, Wilson claimed that the walking had left him 'Totes exhausted!' and he was in urgent need of a cold drink and a toffee apple before he swooned away…