Debrief

Wilson, Antony, the Genuine Souvenir Stone and I retired to a nearby pub for a debrief of the Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour. 

'What did you think of the tour, then? Wilson asked, expectantly.

'Well…' I said, but before I could continue, W stopped me.

'You hated it, didn't you? I can tell.'

'No,' I replied, I didn't hate it at all. I thought the tour was very good indeed.'

'But?'

'The trouble isn't the tour, it's the bridge itself. Its history is unimpressive, and after all it's only just over 100 years old. And there's nowhere you can go to look at the bridge, you can only stand on it. And although your talk was very interesting, the whole tour was over in just five minutes.'

W's face fell a little. He reached under the Genuine Souvenir Stone and pulled out an envelope addressed to him. 'I received this this morning,' he said, passing it to me. 

I took out the letter, which was from Uckfield Hospital. The gist of it was that they'd become aware of Wilson's Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour and they were concerned about the refreshments he planned. They said that following his previous tours with refreshments, the hospital had been overwhelmed with food-poisoning victims and they wanted to know the dates of his next tour so they could lay on extra emergency staff. 

Wilson shrugged in a resigned sort of way. 'That about settles it, doesn't it?' he said. 'Are you sure you wouldn't like to buy the Genuine Souvenir Stone?'

'Oh, alright,' I replied, handing over a £5 note, 'As long as you carry it home…'

'You'll have to carry it,' he said. 'My paws will be full what with Antony, the traction engine photograph and this £5 note. When you get it home, you can put it in the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff and A Robot.'