I found a load of pictures of donkeys and kangaroos magneted to the fridge door this morning. To save time I went straight to Wilson, who was watching me from his bed in the tumble-dryer, and said in my firmest voice: "No donkeys! No kangaroos! No goats, crocodiles, albatrosses, porcupines, rhinoceroses, zebras, okapis, hairy mammoths or gnus!"

"I don't want a crocodile!" he replied, implying that any of the alternatives would be very acceptable to him.

"You can have a puppy!" I blurted out. I was certain that this would be the ideal pet for W, and I expected him to embrace this idea enthusiastically… but he was strangely diffident. He looked at the floor and shuffled about a bit, not meeting my eyes.