The children return home safely

Antony and his friends returned from the hive and sought out Wilson so they could give him his slice of gateau from Uncle Zoltan.

W sniffed it suspiciously, then ate it declaring it to be 'Totes delish!'

Then he enquired how the tea-party had gone, and the children told him what a top time they'd had.

W then announced that he felt a bit dizzy and that the cake must have been drugged… although no less delicious for that.

Tomorrow, being the first of the month, the Bees, Polly and Billi, will be blogging for the first time! Wilson is a tiny bit tense about this — I think he's nervous in case their blog is more popular than his...

Uncle Z is At Home...

While Wilson got on with inventing his totally-not-like-Snap! card game (which he has confided to me will be called pANTS!) the youngsters all headed over to the bee hive for Uncle Zoltan's 'At Home.'

Due to the pressure of excitement and anticipation they all arrived a bit early — but Uncle Z let them in anyway, ushering them into his livingroom, where they found an abundance of delicious-looking cakes.

They all sat round laughing, eating cake and taking it in turns to wear Uncle Z's hat, while their host told them stories and jokes about his childhood as a young pupa. 

When his guests had eaten all they could, Uncle Z handed Antony a large slice of gateau saying, 'I suppose you'd better give this to that anteater you seem so fond of...'

Home Baking

First thing this morning, Wilson went over to the hive to see whether Uncle Zoltan needed any help with the baking for this afternoon's At Home. He didn't.

I thought this was a nice gesture on W's part — a sort of rapprochement — but I was wrong. W told me he'd offered to help with the cooking only so that he'd get to lick out the mixing bowl.

Anyway, last night he heard from one of his Twitter friends, a young elephant called @floellaella. She gave him an idea that would allow him to transform his ANTWIN game into something totally original and not at all like Snap! He hasn't told me what this 'Simple but game-changing idea' is, but he's very excited and plans to spend the afternoon working on it. 

And trying not to think about the cakes he won't be eating at Uncle Z's At Home…

At Home

Today there was another note from Uncle Zoltan left on the fridge door, this time announcing that he will be holding an At Home tomorrow between three and six o'clock in the afternoon. 

This seems unusually formal — Victorian even — but the children are all very excited and looking forward to it. Polly has warned them that they must be on their very best behaviour.

Wilson, who in any case is too large to attend, is getting on with inventing his next Card Game and pretending not to feel a bit left out.

I hope this game doesn't turn out to be Happy Ant Families or Ant Bridge — I hate disappointing him…

Near miss

Last night Wilson slept in my bed. Along with everyone else. I drew the line at having Diesel's bowl actually in bed with me — it was bad enough constantly banging my elbow on one or other of the sTone Brothers without having cold water sloshing around too.

W was frightened by the close passage of another asteroid. Wanting to ensure that no-one would be orphaned should the worst happen, we all stayed very close together. With so much nervous chatter, it turned out to be a very long night.

The worst didn't happen, and today dawned sunny, so W went out into the garden to inspect his flooded Asteroid Shelter, taking with him a bucket so he might bail it out.

'I can't be caught out again, new Dad!' he told me as he stared into the water-filled hole that once was his shelter. 'The BBC said it was the biggest near-miss asteroid ever recorded — it was so big that it had its own moon!'

Wilson takes it on the chin...

Today Wilson showed me his new game. It is called ANTWIN — a clever play on the words Ant, Twin and Win.

It's played with cards bearing pictures of ants, and players take it in turns to deal these cards one-at-a-time onto a pile. When two consecutive cards are identical the first player to shout 'TWINS!' wins all the cards in the pile. The game continues until one player has all the cards.

It's a good game, and I said so. It's a VERY good game… but basically it's just Snap… Ant Snap, but Snap none the less.

I broke this to W and he took it very well, shrugging philosophically and replying, 'I've still got a couple more top original game ideas up my sleeve!' 

He thought for a moment, before adding, 'Though of course, I haven't actually got any sleeves… Still, there's plenty of time until Easter!' 

Hanging Day

Wilson has framed and hung his new portrait in the living room. 

It is a photograph showing Colin the Knitted Camel immediately after his birth — his yarn has not yet even been cut and tied off! 

W is very proud of it.

I should like to apologise to Wilson's friends in Ukraine for forgetting to say Dobryy den' yesterday.

A trip to the village...

Wilson has popped into the village as he 'needs' another picture frame. 

He has asked me, while he's gone, to welcome all his new readers and followers from far-off and exotic countries:

United States, Russia, France, Ukraine, Canada, Germany, Denmark, India and Italy.

Howdy! Здравствулте! Bonjour, Hallo, Ciao, hej med jer, Namasté, Namo namah!

(Any spelling mistakes or mistranslations are mine, not Wilsons!)

He also asked me, rather unfairly I thought, to point out that while passive-agressive Uncle Zoltan is with us, he's not bothering you!

Finally, please don't forget that you can chat with Wilson on Twitter: @WVermilingua 

Party Time!

All the children went back to the hive to help Uncle Zoltan eat his fresh-baked cookies.

Wilson also went to the hive where, being too big to enter, he observed the tea-party through the window to make sure everything was above-board. He's still sure that Uncle Z is going to kidnap the youngsters and hold them prisoner; I admit that Uncle Z has a LOT of problems, but I think W is being paranoid.

Wilson told me later that nothing untoward occurred, and that the cookies looked and smelled delicious. 

'I kept pointing to the cookies then pointing to my open mouth, New Dad,' he said, 'but either no-one saw me or they didn't understand. Nobody brought me out a cookie…'

Party invitation

The Johnson brothers quickly ran home to see whether Antony and Tiny Toy would like to join them in eating the cookies they'd just baked with Uncle Zortan.

Antony and TT were very keen to go, but Wilson still has the strongest reservations about Uncle Z's motives — he's certain that he intends to kidnap the toys and sell them into slavery, or at least imprison them in the hive and make them do his housework.

However, after much pleading, he eventually conceded that Antony and TT could go, on this one occasion, providing that he, Wilson, could keep an eye on the proceedings…

Forced labour

Once the card game was finished all the youngsters wanted to go over to the bee hive to see what was going on. 

The bees told Johnsons Major and Minor that they could go, but Wilson put his foot down saying that he didn't trust Uncle Zoltan, and therefore Antony and Tiny Toy were forbidden to go… which didn't go down very well.

When the Johnsons arrived Uncle Zoltan greeted them and took them off to the kitchen, where they all made cookie dough (and quite a mess!) together.

Once the cookies were in the oven, Uncle Z sent the Johnsons home to see whether anyone else wanted to come and help eat them.

Diesel's Big Day

This morning the whole family assembled in the living room under Wilson's watchful eye to test and play his prototype (and as yet un-named) game. 

Everyone really enjoyed themselves, although Diesel didn't really understand the rules — he had them explained to him several times, but ten seconds later he'd have forgotten not only the rules but also where he was and what was going on. 

In spite of this, I think he had a nice time. 

As far as you can ever really tell with a goldfish.

A communication is received

When I came down to breakfast this morning I found Wilson staring at a note magnetted to the fridge door.

'Help Wanted.' he read aloud to me, shaking his head in dismay. 'Must be Young and Fit. No Pay. Anteaters need not apply. Report to: The Bee Hive. Signed, Uncle Zoltan'

'Have the bees seen this?' I asked.

'Yes. they said we should "humour him",' he replied. 'Really! This is an outrage! Look!' he continued, 'He's even brought his own fridge magnet, like mine aren't good enough for him!'

I stepped closer, the better to see, and read, 'Always say never — it saves so much time!' 

W walked away, shaking his head in disbelief.

Beta testing

Wilson has printed out a set of his playing cards and is now in what he calls 'Beta SandBox mode' of the game's development — testing it for playability and addictiveness with Polly and Billi.  

There's quite a lot of shouting, so I'm guessing there is some disputing of the rules going on, but  there's also a lot of laughter, which has got to be a good sign.

I wonder whether this is the idea which will finally make Wilson a millionaire?

Uncle Zoltan settles in...

While Wilson carried on with his inventing, the bees popped round to see Uncle Zoltan. 

When they returned, they reported that he is settling down nicely in the hive — setting out his ornaments and generally making it a bit more homey.

Wilson does some inventing!

Perhaps in order to take his mind off the recent unpleasantness with Uncle Zoltan, Wilson is starting work on his new card-games — under conditions of the utmost secrecy. 

As everyone knows, Xmas is the top season for families to sit round playing games, but due to having had a lot on his mind W forgot to invent them, so he's hoping that Easter is the second-best time for games.

Even I am not trusted with the details, but W has assured me that these games are 'Totes addictive,' and are guaranteed to be 'sure-fire blockbusters' in the competitive Easter Games market.

And it's not like I've ever received such assurances from him in the past…

Uncle Z's sad story...

Neither Wilson nor I can understand how the bees tolerate Uncle Zoltan's rudeness, and W told them so.

Billi replied that Uncle Z has had a very sad life — tragic, even — and he was unused to the company of other bees. Or indeed of anyone, as he lived completely alone in a big old hive which had fallen into grave disrepair, and now he was getting too old and frail to cope.

Polly explained that when Uncle Z was very young, scarcely more than a pupa, he had been engaged to be married to the Queen Bee… but was jilted at the altar; since then he has lived alone, just Uncle Z and his un-cut wedding cake.

'You simply have to make allowances!' both bees finished, in unison.

The Tour of the Hive Ends Badly...

When they reached one of the smaller rooms in the hive, Billi explained to Uncle Zoltan that, as there weren't any external walls, they'd drawn some pictures of windows and stuck them up, 'To make it look nice and cheerful!'

'It's not very light in here, but we thought it would make a nice study for you!' she continued.

'I have stopped listening,' Uncle Z replied, 'Why haven't you stopped talking?'

'We'll just leave you to get settled in then.' Polly said, with an air of resignation…

Life Inside A Bee Hive

Once inside, Polly and Billi gve Uncle Zoltan a conducted tour of the hive's many rooms; he seemed to find something to criticise in each one, but his hosts remained resolutely cheerful.

Perhaps Wilson got off on the wrong foot with Uncle Z by carrying the huge spray-can of Wasp-Eze, but whatever the reason he wasn't invited in to the hive and remained outside in the garden, pacing up and down, frowning and snorting indignantly. 

After a few minutes he turned to me and said, 'I know he's had a tragic life, but really there's no excuse for rudeness!'

Our guest arrives...

Uncle Zoltan was expected early this morning. When he didn't arrive everyone started to get quite nervous, especially Wilson who has always been uneasy around short-tempered stinging insects. 

When he did finally arrive he gave the bee hive a cursory glance and said, 'It's much smaller than you said. You also told me it had been "recently decorated"!'

Polly and Billi exchanged anxious glances while Wilson closed his eyes and appeared to be counting silently to himself.

'How was your journey, Uncle Zoltan?' Polly asked. 'Were you delayed?'

'Three hours late — badger ate a junction box at New Malden!' he snapped. 'But I'm here now. Isn't anybody going to make me a cup of tea?'