Is everyone sitting comfortably?

Once Wilson and Antony were safely back on terra firma we were making our way back to the Hotel when Antony spotted some folding chairs for sale. 

As you know, because Antony is a small stuffed toy, Wilson has to relay what he says to me, and according to him Antony couldn't live without one of these. 

And neither could Wilson. 

So I am expected to pay £27.99 for Wilson's chair and another £9.99 for Antony's. I asked whether Antony couldn't share Wilson's chair, but that was greeted with a lot of cheek-puffing and head-shaking.

Apart from the expense, I know exactly whose job it will be to carry these chairs around all day!

We have liftoff!

As the tethering cable unwound the balloon rose slowly and majestically into the sky. Wilson waved both arms in the air and called down to me, 'Look at me, New Dad! I'm flying!' 

Antony climbed up into the criss-cross web of ropes securing the basket to the balloon. He looked very precarious up there and I thought my catching skills might be required, but the balloon's pilot ordered him to come down and stay in the basket. 

By the time it reached its maximum height of 500ft the balloon was swaying around in the wind and I became less concerned about having to catch Antony than being caught by Wilson's projectile vomiting; then I remembered that he has some experience of flying and in fact comes from a long line of aviators.

Adventure in the Skies

A balloon ticket was purchased (just one, for Wilson — much to his chagrin Antony was judged to be 'luggage' and so did not require a ticket of his own) and the two Intrepid Balloononauts embarked onto their lighter-than-air craft for their 'Adventure in the Skies' as W put it. 

I wasn't allowed to accompany them — I had to remain on the ground so I could catch little Antony if he happened to fall out of the basket. 

I wonder whether his terminal velocity would be great enough to kill me?

Balloon trip

'You'll never guess what we saw from the top of the helter-skelter!' Wilson told me breathlessly, and before I'd had time to guess Antony supplied the answer: 

'It was a huge balloon on a string, with people dangling off it!'

'And we both want to go on it!' W concluded.

Taking my hand in his paw he led me quickly out of the fun fair and into Bournemouth park, where before long I saw what he was talking about!

Helter Skelter ride

As the boys descended on the helter-skelter I noticed that Wilson was holding the sides with both paws and kept asking Antony whether he was alright. A's reply was invariably 'Yes! Yes! Faster! Wheeeeeee!'

I've reached the conclusion that Antony is totally fearless (except where fish are involved!) but Wilson is quite a protective and nervous parent. He probably gets it from me.

The had three goes on the helter-skelter, and when they'd finished Wilson said, 'New Dad, you'll never guess what we saw from the top of that ride!'

From the excitement in his voice I'm guessing that, whatever is was, I'm going to have mixed feelings about it…

Riding a traditional Carousel!

Once we'd finished in the aquarium (and calmed Antony down about the fish who'd given him a funny look in the shark tunnel) we had a quick coffee then proceeded to the fun fair in front of the pier. 

Wilson wanted to have a go on the traditional Carousel and selected Galloper DEBIE (he felt sorry for her because her name was spelt wrongly). 

Afterwards he said that the ride was very exciting although it was 'surprisingly hard to hold on, because horses are tricky beasts!'

He told me he spent most of his time on the ride worrying about Antony falling off, but I think he was quite concerned about his own security! 

Next on his list is the giant Helter-Skelter...

Bournemouth Aquarium

Finally we've made it to Bournemouth Aquarium! Wilson says that it's 'Like swimming underwater, but without getting wet — which is obviously a Good Thing!' 

He liked the giant turtles and the rays, was scared of the sharks but thought all the fish looked 'A bit sad.' 

Antony cried in the Shark Tunnel because one of the fish was 'looking at him all funny!'

As soon as we're finished here we'll have a quick coffee then off to the Fun Fair on the seafront — I think the boys will love that!

Big Brother Finale

It took no time at all to discover why we were back at the hotel so early last night — it was so the boys could watch the Big Brother Finalé. 

Wilson had been hoping Christopher would win, because 'He's a really nice person. For a human, at least!' but once he had been evicted he switched his allegiance to Ashley, because 'She has lovely fur!'

Antony and Tiny Toy had been rooting for Pav as 'He's tiny like us!'

We were all shocked when Helen won! Wilson didn't Tweet about it though, in case she came round to sort him out. Everyone was quite scared of Helen — including me!  

Anyway, now we're off to Bournemouth to visit the aquarium then the funfair!

Antony is exhausted. Or perhaps he's not...

By the time we were finished at the station we were all pretty tired — we'd had a busy and fun-filled day! Wilson said that Antony was nearing exhaustion and we should have dinner soon so A could be put to bed early. Antony protested that he was fine and had been hoping to go clubbing this evening, but W overruled him and we headed back to the hotel to collect Tiny Toy. 

In fact we arrived at the restaurant so early that we were able to take advantage of the Daytime Diners' Discount!

We have another full day tomorrow, when we're going to the funfair and the aquarium in Bournemouth, so I won't be sorry to have an early night. 

In the fulness of time, however, I will get to the bottom of why Wilson is so anxious to get back to the hotel early tonight…

Wilson regrets a decision...

Our journey was brief — just to the next station and back — and once it was over, Wilson began to regret not accepting the driver's invitation on to the footplate. He told me that he'd wanted to go, but it was just so noisy and hot and dangerous-looking he'd been worried that Antony would have been scared. 

Antony immediately said he wouldn't have been at all frightened and it was actually Wilson who had been scared.

Anyway, the next best thing was obviously a ride on a coin-operated engine on the station platform. 

Actually, as it turned out, several £'s worth of rides…

Wilson finds comfy seats...

At long last Wilson found seats that satisfied his strict criteria. He sat down and made himself comfortable, then started waving his Boarding Card, calling 'Bar Service! Bar Service please!' 

This, of course, was entirely in vain, although he did attract a strange look from the Ticket Inspector. He's been unable to use his Boarding Pass since our cruise last year, but that doesn't stop him from trying…

Antony, being very small, couldn't see out the window from his seat so was allowed to sit on the table, as long as he promised to hold on tightly while the train was in motion.

Wilson boards the train. At last.

Following a lengthy selection process Wilson eventually chose a carriage suitable for Antony and himself and boarded the train. 

After posing briefly for a photograph with Antony he then proceeded to procure comfortable window seats for the journey. 

Wilson is a nervous traveller...

Travelling by train, especially a steam train, is a great novelty to Wilson, so both he and Antony were very excited when we arrived at Swanage Railway Station and saw the engines steaming and hissing.

Before boarding, however, W insisted on having a word with the driver and the fireman, questioning them about how long they'd been driving trains, their safety record, the likelihood of a boiler explosion or collision etc before finally consenting to climb aboard one of the First Class carriages. 

Picnic lunch

There's nothing like eating outdoors in the sea air to give you an appetite. 

That's what they say, although no amount of sea air could give me much of an appetite for Wilson's ant-and Quorn sandwiches…

Still, I filled up on them anyway because we've got a full afternoon's activity ahead of us and I shall need all my strength: we're going to Swanage Railway Station!

Wilson invents a good new word...

I don't even know what these things are called that you stick your head through and have your photo taken, but Wilson insisted on having a 'proper family group portrait' taken with one we found on Swanage Pier. 

At first he wanted me to be the Fat Lady but then he thought it would be funnier if tiny little Antony was.

PS: Some time after this picture was taken, Wilson invented a name for them: he says they should be called 'Peek-a-boards' which seems quite a good idea. 

If there are enough of them about to even need a name...

Swanage Pier

At long last we are actually on Swanage Pier! It's a lovely old Victorian pier in a lovely old Victorian town, very picturesque. 

Wilson wishes me to draw your attention not only to his bucket and spade but also Antony's, arranged for your admiration! Antony generously says he'll share his with Tiny Toy; given that he has 100 spades (plastic teaspoons) and 60 buckets (plastic shot-glasses) I think he should be able to spare a couple.

W is wondering whether to splash out on one of those little engraved brass plaques you can see screwed to the decking — it depends, he says, on whether he can fit everyone's name on a single plaque. 

He means everyone's name from his greatly extended family, so I think it's pretty unlikely.

For myself, I shall be happy when Antony climbs down off that railing without mishap and is safely back on the deck...

Wilson sees something unusual through a telescope...

JUST as we were about to go onto Swanage Pier, Wilson spotted a coin-operated telescope. Before I could stop him he'd rushed over and popped £1 into the slot and was peering through it… at the sand. 

I asked what he was looking at and he said he thought he'd seen some sand-ants, Euroleon nostras, which he would quite like with his dinner. 

'On reflection, though,' he said, 'they look a lot bigger through the telescope than when you get them on your plate — I don't think it's worthwhile catching them. Also, they'll be all sandy, and the wings stick to your palate…'

As soon as his £1 runs out I'm going to take him by the paw and lead him straight on to the pier before he finds any other distractions!

Last-minute shopping

We're on our way to Swanage Pier, but Wilson's pocket money is just begging to be spent. 

Accordingly, we stopped off for him and Antony to choose new buckets and spades, and a crabbing net from a little sea-front shop.

The problem, as always, is finding anything small enough for wee Antony, but I think he's spotted a multi-pack of plastic teaspoons and some disposable plastic shot glasses which will do nicely for his bucket and spade!

ATM

One of the most important considerations for any child on holiday, I suppose, is spending money, so as soon as we had parked the car in Swanage, Wilson headed for a Cash Machine to 'get some wedge' as he picturesquely puts it.

W unfailingly forgets his PIN so always takes Antony to the ATM with him so he can whisper it in W's ear at the crucial moment. 

After a few minutes the deal was done and we were heading to the sea front, cash in paw, ready for adventure!

Late breakfast...

Whenever we stay in a hotel we are always last to leave the dining room at breakfast — partly because Wilson is very hard to wake and get down to breakfast in the first place, and partly because he eats so much. He's always asking for more coffee, extra toast, a second Full English with no meat and extra everything else… 

Antony was no trouble, just filling up with honey and jam from the individual pots on the table.

When we eventually get away, we are anticipating a day of fun and adventure in Swanage!