Blues blues

Wilson has told me that Antony is now upset that HE hasn't had a blues written about him. He's sitting in his hammock doing his best, but is a bit stuck for a rhyme with 'Antony'. 

His last resort, he says, will be to write a non-blues song, called Sad-Eyed Antony of the Lowlands. All  all the work has already been done for him by Mr Dylan, but I can't help thinking some of the lyrics are not entirely appropriate to be sung for a toy anteater… but I don't suppose Antony will mind.

Where is this all going to end? Will sTony demand his own blues song? The Easter Island Heads in the garden? 

Diesel Blues

Wilson, apparently not quite ready to abandon his Dylan roots, has written a 12-bar blues to Diesel, his goldfish. He calls it, "Diesel the Goldfish's Blues", and here it is:

Well, I woke up this morning
   With Diesel on my mind;
Yes I woke up this morning
   Diesel was on my mind;
Then I gave him some of my best ants' eggs
   'Cos I was feelin' kind of kind.
   Oh yeah!

Now it's more than just a tattoo...

Last night we watched The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. We thought it was a good treatment of the first novel of the Dragon Tattoo trilogy, but now Wilson wants not only a tattoo, but also a Honda CL350 motorcycle!

That is SO not going to happen! 

What is Reality?

Yesterday Wilson went into the village to buy some guitar strings. While he was there he popped into WHSmith and bought this week's New Scientist… the What Is Reality? special edition. This morning I came down to find him engrossed in it.

I fear the worst.

Practice makes perfect. Eventually.

Wilson's constant practicing of Sisters of Mercy is driving me mad. It's not that he makes a lot of mistakes… it's more that he makes the same mistakes every time. 

Another string has just snapped, leaving only three. For a little while he just hummed the missing notes, but now he's popped into the village to buy some replacement strings. 

Wilson has a new Life Plan

This morning I asked Wilson how he was getting on with Leonard Cohen.

He replied that, while he found him quite lugubrious, his new ambition is to become 'a melancholic minstrel in the manner of Mr Cohen, wandering the world playing my guitar and meeting beautiful, but enigmatic, ladies.'

First, though, he says he must master Emin7#5 which he is currently finding very difficult. Apparently the Bert Weedon Play In A Day book fails to properly address the difficulty of playing this chord if you happen to have claws.

Well, it sounds like a plan.

OCTOBER DAWNS!

CHECK THIS OUT! 

September has been a very busy month for Wilson Vermilingua OBE!

I've just uploaded the ninth monthly volume of Ant Wars II: SEPTEMBER 2012 so you can catch up on anything you've missed.

Please tell all your friends, as it is Wilson's stated ambition for his life story to be, as he puts it, "As Popular as Xmas!". 

You can download it or read it online at:

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/ant_wars_ii_september_2012

You can now SUBSCRIBE to Wilson's blog by email!

You can TRANSLATE Wilson's blog into other languages!

You can COMMENT on Wilson's blog — and he'd love to hear from you!

You can DOWNLOAD Wilson's journals from ISSUU:

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon

Photographs of the lovely WILSON are by Tamanduagirl at 

http://www.livingwithanteaters.com/ and are used by kind permission.

Wilson makes remarkable progress!

My old guitar has only four strings intact, but Wilson is in the kitchen strumming away happily, the Bert Weedon book propped up in front of him. Maybe the low string-count makes it easier to play for a beginner -- a bit more like a ukulele, perhaps. 

I asked W how he was getting on, and he said his claws were great for finger-picking styles, but made it very difficult to fret the strings. 

Personally I think it's remarkable that an anteater can get any kind of tune out of a guitar, so I told him I thought he was doing really well and to keep practicing.

Play in a Day

Today I found Wilson in the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff and a Robot, searching for my old guitar. He'd already unearthed my first-edition copy of the late Bert Weedon's Play-In-A-Day guitar tutor book, which I'd completely forgotten about. 

Having laboriously worked my way through this book in my youth, I wonder whether I should warn W that it takes way more than a day? I don't want to discourage him, so I think I'll keep quiet about it.

A career in teaching

Wilson has been considering getting a job as a teaching assistant. He says he has 'much wisdom to pass on to young humankind,' although he admits he's not overly fond of children, and he's quite impatient. 

It doesn't take a lot of internet research to discover the wages are far below what he considers fair remuneration for his wisdom and experience. Also, he was surprised to learn that he'd be expected to turn up every weekday! 'That would leave me no time to work on all my stuff!' he exclaimed, 'Next year's Grand Charity Garden Open Day, and the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff and A Robot!'

I think he's now considering a different career path… possibly as a minstrel.

A touching presentation

Wilson has presented me with a card proclaiming me his longest-serving New Dad. By quite a big margin, apparently! 

I am touched.

I visit the Dentist

I had to have a tooth extracted yesterday. To his credit, when I emerged from the surgery mumbling incomprehensibly due to a mouth full of dressings, Wilson made a sterling effort not to giggle.

He insisted that the nurse give me an I've Been Brave at the Dentist sticker. It had a Fairy Princess on it.

The dentist told me to rinse my mouth regularly with warm salt water, but W insists on supplementing this with a mouthwash made from a decoction of ant. Apparently his mother, Mrs Vermilingua, used to give it to all her many children whenever they were suffering from any ailment, real or imagined. 

He's in the kitchen now, sieving a bowl of Ant Broth for my lunch. I expect this to be Nourishing rather than Delicious. Possibly neither.

Leonard Cohen

Wilson has declared that he is willing to give Leonard Cohen a try! 

Jan, a friend of his (of Wilson, not Cohen, as far as I know!) has suggested I start him off in chronological order with Songs Of Leonard Cohen while avoiding Death of a Ladies Man at all costs! 

This sounds like a very good plan, so I've copied Songs of LC onto the iPad and put the CD in the car stereo.

Open Day

For the last few mornings the heating has been coming on; the leaves are turning brown and falling from the trees and the wind and rain have been almost constant. There's no arguing, the Summer, such as it was, is over and it's really Autumn now. 

Wilson and I were chatting idly about the recent poor weather when he suddenly asked me the date. When I told him, his face fell. 'Whatever's the matter?' I asked.

'My Grand Charity Garden Open Day!' he cried, 'Now it's Autumn, almost Winter, the garden is windswept and waterlogged, the flowers are dying and I've forgotten to hold my Grand Charity Garden Open Day! This is a calamity! I shall have to postpone it until next year!'

Soufflé Boy

This morning I was woken from my Sunday lie-in not by the strains of Bob Dylan, but by an aria from Bizet's Carmen. A few minutes later, Wilson bustled in carrying a tray with my breakfast on it: an ant soufflé. W enigmatically told me that I could in future call him Soufflé Boy. I have no idea what's going on.

The soufflé was surprisingly un-horrible, though W did have to help me finish it. I left most of the ants.

Later, W confessed that he'd grown tired of waiting for me to start watching the new series of Dr Who and had watched the first episode last night, having been unable to sleep after reading his Leonard Cohen biography into the early hours.

Have I done the right thing?

Wilson has decided that, before he invests too much love and effort in another singer, he will do some research. To this end, he has downloaded Leonard Cohen: A Remarkable Life onto his Kindle, so he can be sure he won't get any nasty surprises or shocks if he happens to like Cohen's work. 

He says that until he can be certain about this, he will not even listen to a single song.

I hope I did right in suggesting Cohen and not, for example, Billy Joel. Or Bowie. Neil Young or Joni Mitchell. Only time will tell…

Leonard Cohen

Wilson is still very upset about Bob Dylan. 

I tried to explain that all of Dylan's back catalogue is just as good as it ever was. He agreed, but said that listening to Sad Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands will never be the same in view of what he now knows; in his head, it will always have a backbeat of Here Comes Santa Claus. 

Wilson then asked me about other music icons. I thought for a minute, then tentatively suggested... Leonard Cohen.

W immediately asked, 'Has he ever recorded an Xmas album?'

Bad Mood Rising

Still very upset by his purchase of Bob Dylan's Christmas In The Heart album, Wilson told me, 'I'm going to contact iTunes to demand a refund!' 

When I explained that all the royalties went to homeless charities (Crisis in the UK), and that in any case he'd bought the download using my credit card, he agreed not to pursue a refund... but insisted that he would never listen to it again.

Actually, W is in a pretty bad mood all round, having missed International Talk Like A Pirate Day yesterday. 

I suggested we might spend today talking like pirates, but he said it wouldn't be the same -- if there was just the two of us doing it, we'd look like idiots. 

Heaven forfend that we should look like idiots! Yarrr!

Disillusionment is a terrible thing...

Today I found Wilson listening to the iPad in a very gloomy mood. I sat on the floor next to him and asked him what was up. He silently removed one of his ear-buds and passed it to me. A terrible, terrible cacophony emerged from the tiny bud, so I declined W's offer to put it into my ear. 'It is clean,' he said, 'I washed my ears just yesterday,' but I  just didn't want to hear this racket any louder than an annoying, tinny whisper.

'What on earth is this?' I asked.

'It's Bob Dylan's 2009 Christmas album, Christmas In The Heart!' he replied, miserably. I downloaded it this morning to get me in the Xmas mood.'

'Didn't you read any reviews?' I asked.

'Only from the Music Critics,' he replied. 'They just said it was "unusual" or "iconoclastic", but they just didn't want to offend him. Now I've looked at the User reviews, and they all say it's rubbish… and it is. Mr Bob Dylan, my former hero, has Feet of Clay. The Scales have fallen from my Eyes. I am no longer a BobCat.'

We sat quietly for a few moments… in silence but for a tinny, phlegmy rendition of The Little Drummer Boy emerging from the ear-bud resting on the floor...

Christmas is Coming!

After watching the Dr Who Christmas Special last night (well, we've both been very busy!) Wilson started to feel quite Christmassy! 

He asked how long it was until Christmas, and when I told him it was only about 12 weeks, he became very excited and went to bed to begin drawing up his Christmas Presents List for Father Xmas. 

I'm even feeling a little bit Christmassy myself.